Who wins?
Bananaman of course.:rolleyes:
Voyager, in a run-in.
Say… you forgot that Batman is not alone.
Say, you’re right. Does it matter?
I guess I didn’t make it clear enough in the “Batmobile vs. Mach 5” thread that Batman would lose under all circumstances. In any type of conflict. Against any opponent. No matter how incompetent. This matchup provides even more evidence to support my position. First we need to specify which Enterprise we are talking about, right?
Of course not. We don’t have to specify diddy squat. Batman would lose to any Enterprise. He is simply outclassed. The Enterprise has every advantage.
1)The Enterprise is bigger than Batman. They’re not even in the same weight class.
2)The Enterprise is faster than Batman. The ability to exceed the speed of light is a huge advantage. To Batman, it would seem as if he lost the fight before it even began.
3)The Enterprise is sexier than Batman. Let’s face it, the guy only gets chicks because he’s rich. I think he even introduces himself as “Millionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne.”
4)The Enterprise crew wears slightly less ridiculous costumes. (This one is debatable).
So, in conclusion, Batman loses in every conceivable scenario. He also manages to lose in most of the inconceivable ones. He is a sad joke of a superhero who should be receiving treatment for his psychosis, not violently enforcing his own brand of justice. The Enterprise wouldn’t even have to try hard. Besting Batman would be an afterthought after narrowly escaping a spatial anomoly. Spock could probably win all by himself by pulling some Vulcan mumbo-jumbo out of his ass. The naval aircraft carrier Enterprise would have undisputable air superiority. Even the space shuttle Enterprise, which was never launched into orbit (merely used for takeoff and landing tests), would be guaranteed an easy victory. Your average Enterprise Rent-A-Car could beat the Batmobile. You might want to consider matching huge scientific/military vehicles up with a more respectable superhero next time. May I suggest Aquaman?
FabioClone, you’re my new favorite poster.
Thanks, Aesiron. It’s 3:00 in the morning here. That means it’s prime time for pondering fictional matchups.
You should make this a thread of its own: Batman vs. ____. Every couple days you can post a new matchup wherein he gets his ass whipped by everyone from the toddler next door to the Wonder Twins to the cremated remains of Great Aunt Bertha.
As you can tell, I’m no fan of the guy, either. It’s refreshing to find someone who hates him as much as I do. 
That’s a great idea, but it sounds like too much work. I much prefer JThunder’s occasional forays into hypothetical combat. But rest assured, whenever a thread posits a fictional matchup and the reputation of Batman needs tarnishing- I will be there.
Except one very crucial one: Batman can get inside the Enterprise. The Enterprise cannot get inside Batman.
Batsy has something that you seem to be underestimating: Plot Powers. As you mentioned, Batman should be a joke. But he ain’t. He somehow manages to keep up with dudes that can break the Moon apart with a single punch. How? Force of Plot. If the Almighty Plot wants Batsy to win, he’ll win. Force of Plot is even more powerful than the Technobabble that the Enterprise (any of 'em) utilizes.
Ergo, Batman wins, under any circumstance, conceivable or inconceivable.
Ah, but I must disagree with you here. Technobabble is the old enemy of Plot. We can still see this effect today. I bet you’ve seen it a thousand times: Plot is trudging along gallantly, Crisis rears its beautiful head, and then Technobabble shows up. When Technobabble begins, all Plot stops. Unintelligable words are spoken. When Plot resumes, it is frequently unrecognizable. This is because Technobabble is often used to solve any plot problems ad hoc-style. No Plot is safe from the ravages of Technobabble. Not even Batman’s.
What’s Batman gonna do when the Enterprise crew reroutes something through the deflector dish? No one can survive an attack that involves something being rerouted through the deflector dish.
Definitely Mary Ann.
Good Lord, what does it take to get through you people’s skulls?!!1? Batman is unbeatable!! Batman could not only take out the Enterprise, he could take out all the Enterprises, including the WWII and modern age aircraft carriers.
If he did face all the Enterprises at once here’s what he’d do:
He’d use Darkseid’s boomtube technology to transport a copy of Playboy (not available in the 23[sup]rd[/sup] Century) onto Kirk’s Enterprise (please note, Boomtube tech is within the JLA’s hands and is different from Star Trek tech and should therefore be able to bypass shields). Kirk would immediately shirk his duty and head off to the bathroom to “work on his Captain’s Log”. Spock would wander after him to observe this “fascinating behavior”. This leaves the Ship in the hands of Scotty who Batman would take care of by boomtubing in a case of scotch. Now Kirk’s Enterprise is in the hands of an inebriated Scotsman who’s busy beating the tar out of McCoy for, damnit, being a doctor, not a second-in-command or foot massager! And now that Enterprise is out of the fight.
Next we have the Enterprise being run by Scott Bakula. Batman would simply Boomtube in with a TV and VCR and show the crew Bakula’s acting in Lord of Illusions. At this point the crew would revolt and rally behind Batman, just 'cause of his cool costume.
That moves us to Picard’s Enterprise, the most difficult (relatively speaking) fight. Being unaware that Batman had taken control of Bakula’s Enterprise they would fall for a transmission from it detailing that Batman had been beaten and they’d lower their shields. Batman would then transport over Robin, Nightwing and the Huntress. Huntress would show up Number One’s room (why don’t you call him by name Picard? Oh, that’s right, you’re an Orwellian mind-control freakshow), and Riker, being a horndog of a degree almost rivaling Kirk, would be easily distracted for a quick knock to the head by Nightwing.
Whilst this is going on Robin would be making short work of Data, because as we all know Robin is a teenager and has beaten Terminator-Dawn of Fate for the XBox. If Robin can take out SkyNet and an army of killer androids what’s the Pinocchio wanna-be gonna do? Ask Robin to sit on his face while he tells lies?
Next Nightwing would come across Worf and Troi. Troi would do her mind reading thing and say something like “I sense he likes sushi and walks on the beach”, Nightwing’d respond by calling Worf’s mother a “thanagarian snarebeast” and Worf’d go into one of those rages Klingon’s like so much. He’s charge Nightwing and Nightwing would just leap over him so Worf would collide with Troi (who Worf is schtuping, BTW), knocking her out. Worf would then drop the tough guy act and fall to the ground and start crying. Nightwing, feeling bad for him, would only pummel him within a foot of his life instead of an inch.
At this point Batman’s Strikeforce would team up for the final assault on the bridge. Not that they need to but because everything’s been so pathetically easy to this point and they’re bored and want to make it home in time to see Will and Grace. They storm the bridge and unfortunately everyone there is wearing red shirts so they all die immediately. Picard, surprised, jumps up and spills Earl Grey tea, hot, all over his uniform. The pain from the hot tea all over his crotch makes him jump up further than he meant and makes him forget to make his cool “I-look-like-I’m-straightening-out-my-pants,-but-really-my uniform-is-riding-up-my-ass” move and he falls to the deck dead from an Atomic Wedgie, thereby leaving Picard’s Enterprise in the hands of Batman’s Strikeforce (also known as the Lightwork Crew).
With Kirk’s Enterprise’s out of commission and the other two in his control Batman would make short work of the two aircraft carriers, which since they can’t fire into space, have been completely out of the fight until this point.
I cannot believe that I must reiterate this, but…
Batman rules.
But the process of the Enterprise trying to get inside Batman will probably have quite adverse consequences for the Bat’s health.
A review of both OS and TNG shows that any trespasser, no matter how lame, can hold the Enterprise in his mercy for at least a limited amount of time.
Allmighty Plot for both Batman and TNG dictates that Batman must successfully beat the tar out of Worf, who should be a key and valuable element in the Enterprise-D’s defense, to demonstrate how much of a badass he is. Strangely, TNG plot dictates that his most danmgerous foe on any Enterprise will be Wesley Crusher. Robin can still whup his ass. On this there can be no doubt.
On a previous Batman vs thread, I made the comment that if a human being, given the right resources, optimum physical and mental condition, and a little luck, can suceed, Batman will. It’s part of the character. Batman rules.
Batman would take a terrible licking, ending in his apparent death under a pile of girders or some such, then at the last moment he would get lucky and shoot some spiky black thing (with a wire attached) right into Picard’s eye (the camera showing this from Picard’s viewpoint, then at the moment of impact, it would cut incongruously to the exploding enterprise.)
Are we talking the campy 1960’s Batman? If so, he need only reach for his utility belt, with its Bat-starship-capturer-thingy, old chum, and the battle will be his.
This thread needs an enema!