Wiped Slick. (Sounds better with a southern drawl.)
Schnokered
Langered
Stocious
Paralytic
Locked
Fluthered
The Irish tend to be quite good at coming up with these words.
Smashed
Limp as a newt
From Ron White: “…had the right to remain silent, but not the ability.”
Toasted.
Last night I got absolutely…
… wankered
… spangled
… twatted
… trousered
… banjoed
Plowed like a 40 acre field…
Toasted, hammered, or plastered. Or tanked, I like tanked too.
I’m a big fan of “sloshed”–mostly because it’s so damn hard to say when you’re in the condition. A friend of mine refers to it as “knee-walkin’ drunk.” I like that one, too.
FUBAR
Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.
Schnockered.
or
Luggage.
Drunk as a blue-eyed skunk
High enough to hunt ducks with a rake
tore slap up
got a skin full
Refreshed
Mightily Refreshed
Wasted
Wasted, but pronounced “whasted”
Tired and emotional (as a newt)
I’m also a fan of sloshed. It’s also a good way to judge drunkenness in others: “Hey, how ya feeling? You sound kinda sloshed…” “Swoshed? AHAHAHA! No I’m fine, not swalloshed at all”,
gassed
wrecked
schizoid
paralytic
An ex-girlfried used to paraphrase Gilda Radner: “I’m so drunk I’m deaf.”
Trucked.
I like “waylaid”, personally.
(Note: Google Ad is currently for products to help teach your baby sign language. ???)
I had a friend once who, after way too many glasses of champagne at a wedding reception, looked at me blearily and proclaimed, “I am in Bolivia!” (meaning in oblivion, of course). So around here, if you’re very drunk, you’re in Bolivia.
I like “stymied” (pronounced shtymied. “Swacked” is nice as is “stewed”.
Schnockered
Skunked
Pissfaced drunk
That’s the main three used.