In order of increasing intoxication:
Mullered
Wankered
Cunted.
hospitalised…but he’ll still be right for the wedding
Calied.
I once walked in one night, drunk, to find my housemate, drunk, making a collage out of newspaper cuttings of the word “twouted”, since, according to him, another housemate uses “trouted” as a synonym for “drunk”, but when drunk he cannot pronounce it properly. Except, as he was drunk, he’d spelt it “twoutted”.
So, anyway, "trouted"is my contribution.
Over-Served. It really puts the blame on the establishment and not on the drinker.
I usually say “trashed”, “zonked”, “schnockered”, “tore up”, amongst others. The funniest I ever heard was from my BIL: “slobberin’ in the nobbin”.
Gone Rockstar.
Jumped the Shark
A drunk (fill in favorite celebrity alcoholic/drug addict here) ie. Keith Richards, Liza Minelli, Teresa Heinz Kerry…etc)
And my personal favorite…
Ripped to the tits, nipples to the wind.
Mr. Wanna is fond of saying “likkered up.” Now he’s got me saying it.
A college cohort of mine established a three-tiered progression of drunkenness:
[ol]
[li]Wet[/li][li]Full Up[/li][li]Blowed Out[/li][/ol]
Sounds about right to me, especially when enunciated North Little Rock-fashion.
Around here we get schnoitered and slithering drunk.
This is my favourite too, but it’s more fun if you say, “They were literally legless.” 
I’m fond of shattered, but my husband calls it shoeless in reference to the days when I rarely left the bar shod.
Ratarsed (Or ratted)
Drunk as a monkey
Schlockered
All. Fucked. Up.
Facefucked by Jack Daniels
Skol Fucked
Oh Noes, Irish Cream’d (This one is much much worse if you’ve heard the story behind it)
Hosed.
Worshipping at the porcelain altar.
Does this mean just tired out too?
I think I would go with hammered.
When referring to others, I would say malsober. When I used to drink, I would refer to myself as unsober.
I don’t know if that follows any grammatical rules or not.
Oh, another one I had forgotten:
“Turned into a sack of wet ball bearings” for the people who get so drunk that they turn completly passive and inert, which incidentally makes it almost impossible to move them anywhere.
Cunted
Cunto’d
Pished
Clive Mantled