There once was a board where I could click on a thread, go get a cup of coffee and get back to my desk before the thread opened.
Now, thanks to the something the Tech-God has done, that board is gone. Threads open within seconds instead of minutes and I’m overwhelmed. My head is spinning trying to keep up. Instead of reading the thread, I just want to open more so I can see the flash again. It’s like a baby entranced by a mobile.
Look at all the text flashing by …
Great Job!
Stupid smooth running boards… you kids have it so easy.
Why… in my day we didn’t have message boards that opened posts instantly. You had to wait for a little trained turtle to go pick out the zip disk with the post you wanted on it. Put the disk in the drive and send the post to you via email with a 300 baud modem.
Stupid kids and your new fangledy message boards.
Oh yeah… 
Turtles!?!?! You had TURTLES?! You were lucky!
We had to chip our posts into rocks, and bandwidth translated directly into the size of the rocks you could find. One time I couldn’t find anything but pebbles for a week.
You guys already had rocks? No fair.
Back in my day we had to wait for a volcano to blow and then fan the lava with palm fronds and spit on it just to get it to cool. I tell ya, nobody works anymore.
All you had time to do was get a cup of coffee? I could go and fix my dinner and eat all of it while waiting for a thread to open.
It’s like going from a 14.4 dial up to a cable modem, I tells ya’. And I LIKE IT ! 
…you guys had spit?
…d&r…
I’ll take any bandwidth you guys don’t want!
How come every time I hear the term “bandwidth” I think of Leslie West?
Spit! Turtles! Bah! You had it soft! In my day there were no land animals, we lived on a diet of lint and had no internal organs. I remember fondly the day we upgraded (after going for months without lint) to cuneiform!
But (altogether now) we were happy for what we had….
Turtles! Lint! Spit! BAH!
Snotty whippersnappers!
In my day, when we wanted to send a message, we whispered it into the naked void of the Singularity and waited for Event 1 to take place, so the Big Bang could carry it onwards in the first wave of superheated plasma.
And then…we got spammed! 
You got spam? All we got was the cold silence of the void, reminding us (as if that were necessary) that we were totally alone.
And we liked it that way!
Luxury.
Well, I have something to tell everyone… and it is that I DO have a 14,4 dial-up! Yes, I should probably get something better, but frankly, I can’t afford it right now! That’s why I live for the weekends when I can go to my parents’ and use their ADSL computer! Fast connection rules!
Just so this isn’t a COMPLETE hijack, I happen to like this board the way it is now… I don’t think I was on the old board long enough (if at all) to be able to compare between this one and that one. However, it does seem to load reasonably fast on my slow computer! (if the pages don’t time out… which is why I almost never preview on this computer, unless it seems to be behaving itself)
So to sum up, the speed of this board is just fine with me! I happen to like it this way!
Luxury. all we had were immoving sub atomic particles, forever deaf dumb and blind, perning in a gyre as a symbol of mans alienation in a godless universe.
Still, mustn’t grumble…
The first external message I received came in the form of a deep voice, exclaiming “Let there be light.”