It snowed again today. 4 fuckin’ inches. And for some strange reason, it was a wet, heavy snow, which is usually unheard of in these parts. . . I was the only one around, and had to shovel.
I hate snow. But not as much as you, Mr. Snowplow Driver.
Oh how you mock me by plowing a full foot of dark, dank, slushy shit back onto my driveway - not once, but over and over again. How your tweeting reverse-drive claxons mock me like witches’ cackles in the dark. Your dark green exteriors and bright orange jumpsuits tittilate my sense of vengeance upon you. Oh how I hate thee, Mr. Snowplow Driver. My disdain goes to the very empty cup of coffee you toss out the window into my front yard, you know, the one with that ubiquitous Greek column and border imprint that so cheerfully reads “It is our pleasure to serve you!”. Oh, the irony. . .
Every time you pass requires me to reshovel the easement of my driveway and sidewalk. Ever linear foot you plow forces me to lift another 16.2 lbs of crap. Every breath you take, I can feel the evil oozing in your blood. The very rumble of your engine is the thunder of my contempt. Oh, one day, I shall have my revenge. :mad:
Tripler
My heart is as cold as the snow you plow, Sir.
In my neighborhood, I hate them for what they don’t do, which is to come by my house and plow the street. By mid-december the entire street is about a foot and a half deep in mush, slush and gunk. They do come once in the spring, though. That’s always nice. Then I get to roll the five-foot snow boulders lodged in my driveway.
It’s not so much when they plow my driveway in, but when they plow a street closed because they leave that big bank of snow when they turn the corner, that really gets to me. Yeah, I know that the snow tends to fall out of the scoop while you’re plowing, but do you think you could just back up the plow for a second and punch through that barrier? You’re not supposed to be making roads impassible, that’s what the snow was doing…
Tripler, that was great. Can you write one for the street sweeper driver. You know, the guy whose whooshing fans and spinning brushes kick up enough dust and crap to make you cough up a lung. I’d do it, but I just don’t have this
Or how about those plows that think that since it did not snow all winter they need to spend 2 hours at 5:00 in the morning to plow out our parking lot that has 1/4 inch of snow on it.
I can beat that. A few years ago, an old woman moved out of her house at the corner of my block. (2 one block long streets intersect) Parts were from an old farmhouse, I am told they were over 200 years old, and not up to code - a fire hazard. Her son moved in, and built a big new house, at least 5 BR, tennis court, etc. The only thing is, while the lot must be 125’x125’ or 150’x150’, the only street frontage is the narrow driveway, maybe 15’, which turns to go to the garage. The first snowfall of the winter, the plow driver cannot see the house behind the trees, and dumps the snow FROM THE BLOCK in front of said driveway, thinking it was a dead end, and left. 9’ drift! I was out shoveling when he tried to get out! Big Yuks!