rocking chair:
Make no mistake, it is a rocking chair.
If you put out the footrest, it becomes an immobile recline.
If you leave the footrest retracted, it rocks. The range of motion is slightly yes than your traditional wooden rocking chair, and it does not maintain momentum as well, but it rocks in a satisfactory manner.
And for those who complain about the toilet, well what are empty gatorade bottles for?
?!?
I hope you have some means for discerning the unused Gatorade from the used gatorade. In my opinion, Gatorade looks pretty much the same coming or going.
~~Baloo
i do believe i’m gonna have to upgrade here. now where did i put the number for the electrician??? wow, it hold beverages and rocks. truly the ultimate chair.
Well, it is a nice chair all right. Much better than the lousy crap I sit my ass on. I mean, the shit I sit on is so lame my ass has gone on strike and it doesn’t fart anymore. :: ass nods in approval::
Anyway, having exorcised my frustration I must mention the following ASSpect:
In order for your throne to be considered the Chair of Ultimate Power it must have a built in power generator. Plus, as fundamental requirements it must hover, maneuver, and freely navigate on the air at a minimum speed of 70mph. Think of it as Professor Xavier’s chair meets Back to the Future’s flying DeLorean.
Why? If I can’t take it out for a spin on the freeway it loses part of the magnificence implicit in its name. Sure, I’m being picky, but heck, it’s the Chair of Ultimate power for crying out loud!
quasar:
I see your point. But assuming my chair could hover and such, at some given moment I would leave the viewing proximity of the TV.
That of course MUST NEVER HAPPEN!
If the TV could come along, that would be something else, but then I’d have to concentrate on hovering down the highway. I would not be able to devote my full attention to the TV, or drink beer. The massager and the phone would be distracting too. In other words the whole thing begins to sound like work, which completely defeats the purpose of the CUP/TV in the first place.
It’s kind of like asking if God could create a boulder so heavy he couldn’t lift it? A classic conundrum.
When you are dealing with forces as powerful as the Lime Green CUP, it is best not to tamper with them to much, or the very fabric of the universe itself could become… well… unfabricated.
THe self-contained power source makes sense though. Hopefully they’ll come out with a fuel cell powered model by the time I’m ready to upgrade.
Well, yes, but Lime Green???
Of course that is true. Fortunately the designers of the CUP have seen The Matrix and will develop a simulation of the TV experience that will only exist in your mind (a TV for your mind), hence the TV screen won’t be physically in front of you, but your mind will be working on the illusion that it is indeed right there. The enjoyment of the baseball games, music videos and movies will be the same, even better, since this simulation comes equipped with digital surround sound, 3-D video and satellite reception.
Of course you won’t need to worry about flying the thing, the automatic pilot would gladly do that for ya!
One last thing, you don’t even need a remote control unit. The CUP’s CPU telepathically hijacks into your mind and changes channels according to your desires.
The only physical action that you would encounter is raising your beer can and zipping in its precious content. Boy, doesn’t this chair rock or what! They should create a chair HOF and make the CUP its first inductee.
Now I go back to watching the movie I rented on my crappy, hard as a rock, ass-torturing chair.
Pd. Could God lift the Chair of Ultimate Power?
[Homer Simpson voice]mmmmmm Chair of Ultimate Power agghhhaah[/Homer Simpson Voice]
Am I the only one thinking about Count De Money from History of the World… “Oh, Piss boy!” Then you’d NEVER have to get up!
Homer, you might have had a totally different ride last night if you were sitting in the CUP!
If you mean different as in strange, last night could not possibly have gotten stranger, swear to God. YOU try living your life backwards.
–Tim
In that vein I have yet another proposal for the Chair of Ultimate Power:
How about including a fart-recycling unit? That will add a whole new dimension to the TV watching experience. You will now get continuos exposure to those exquisite anal emanations instead of being tormented by their ephemeral, yet awe-inspiring nature. Such an inclusion will truly force me to shell out whatever obscene amount of money that is necessary to acquire such a magnificent example of humanity’s inventive and technological advance.
Also, I propose creating the CUP’s Fan Club and submit the candidacy of Scylla as its initial president.
Where’s a drooling smiley when you need one?