Rock on Missy 
-it was the kids (my 3 adorable nieces) who really have sold the deal on my original decision to search-I’ll be seeing them in August for the first time in a year, which is far too long. In fact I want to move there (from FL to NJ) to be closer to them and become a mentoring influence.
Thanks, everyone - your good thoughts mean the world to me (since I have NO idea what I’m even DOING anymore! I’m kinda overwhelmed.)
I’m writing her massive emails and she is doing the same to me - and now the questions about her dad are coming up. I’m kind of freaked - I found pictures of him which I sent her, but I haven’t talked to him since 1999 when my Dad died and will have to talk to my ex-mother-in-law to get his contact info because I told her I would find him if she wanted.
Sigh. It’s all very overwhelming. My Mom, my sons, my current inlaws, my best friends - we’re all hoping she makes it up here from Texas later this year like she’s planning - it’s going to be one heck of a reunion! 
And oh goodness - she looks just like me!
And I have a grand-cat - named Tunasaurous! That’s MY GIRL!!
That has got to be one of the most awesome cat names I’ve heard! 
Congrats on the new family, Missy2U, I’m very happy for you! 
This thread made me cry. Tears of joy, of course.
Congratulations to you, Missy, and your daughter. I’m so happy for you! Love seems to find a way. <3
Congrats and I’m really glad it sounds like things are working out for both of you!
When my daughter asked about her birthfather, I had no idea where he was, and he wasn’t the most delightful specimen of humanity the last time I’d seen him. I had a couple of very old, very imperfect photographs, so I sent those to her and wrote an unbiased description of him as he was before her birth and in a few subsequent encounters, both the good and the bad. I found that what she was most interested in was whether I had loved him, how he felt about her adoption, and what qualities she might have inherited from him. Any questions she came up with I answered honestly and with compassion. She didn’t ask to meet him for another 2 years.
My daughter was much younger at our reunion, still in her teens. Even when she did meet him the meeting was handled through me, just to provide a buffer in case things didn’t go well. Only after they had been acquainted through letters and phone calls and a visit, and when she and her adoptive parents were comfortable, he was given her contact information. They then had (and continue to have, AFAIK) a very positive reunion, even though he still makes me want to run away screaming :D. Since your daughter is well into adulthood, before trying the ex-MIL route, you might want to consider giving her his information (name, birth date, etc.) and letting her find him on her own. It’s pretty easy to find people these days unless they’re in the Witness Protection Program. If she gets stuck, you could then step in to help, and you could offer emotional support if she needs it.
I’m happy you’re both having so much fun with your reunion. My daughter and I also looked exactly alike before I got old and fat. Reading this thread is making me miss her, but in a good way. Oh, and one suggestion: Don’t limit your letters to email; write some in longhand on paper, too. I go back and re-read the letters my daughter sent me at the very beginning, when she still had teenaged-girl handwriting and wanted to play guitar in a metal band.
Sudden Kestrel thanks so much for your wisdom - I will keep it in mind. But I called my ex-in-laws yesterday evening, and they called me back today with my ex-husband’s contact info. So I’ll probably call him in a little bit, just to get an email address or SOMETHING - and find out if he wants to be contacted at all. I tend to be kind of a bull in a china shop so we’ll see how THAT goes - and what you said about the letters? I wrote her one when I gave her up - and she says it is her most prized possession - and I will CONTINUE to write her letters on paper! 
Thanks for that!
This all is just so unreal still - and I still have to call the ex. That is NOT going to be fun. I know - suck it up, buttercup - I can get through this too.
Has she said anything about how her parents feel about you two being in touch? Do they know? I hope they are supportive, for both your sakes!
I’ll be thinking of you, but I’m sure it will be fine. I really dreaded contacting my ex, also, and there were a few minor rocky points over the next few years. It turns out I was a much different person than the little girl I was when he first knew me; it took him a while to adjust :D.
Just got off the phone with him - you nailed it. Seriously - you REALLY nailed it.
Thank you - really, just THANK YOU!