Uh-un, KK. Not without me signing a release, it isn’t.
Sooo… Hamlet, any last wishes? What would you like for your last meal?
Over? OVER? Nothing is over until we say it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?! No! And it’s not over now!
But, if it is over, I suppose I should get dressed, huh? Anyone seen my clothes? They were right about where the fire-pit is now…drat.
Someone’s been thinking too much about how to abuse Rammstein in the FOTH thread. 
I’m sure we can find something appropriate here - let’s see, Ummm Pink tutu. Ummm leiderhosen ( ), rubber short shorts (ummmmm), sheer smoking jacket - Yep, that’s the ticket!
Why would we give thinksnow clothing? He’s the numpty that burned up his own clothes.
Here you are. Wrap yourself in this duct tape. It’ll reflect the heat of Coldy’s wrath.
::walks out of bathroom, hair washed, magic marker tattoos removed::
Okay, the bathroom is squeaky clean and Lysoled!! And I got most of the beach sand out of the drain. Although, whoever was trying to flush the rest of the jello down the toilet, it didn’t work.
Well, okay, the bathroom works. But I still think that Coldie’s gonna notice that the bathroom is the only room left standing. I mean, what with the rest of the house being completely demolished and all.
<Duct tapes Hamlet to the ground so that he can’t get away>
Sorry it took do long guy, but I stop at the renovation center on the way back.
Sunspace, here’s the soap you ordered. I also bought some industrial strength one, just in case. Where do you want us to put these 55 gallons drums ?
Oh, and Coldy, you wouldn’t believe what I found at the renovation center. They were having a clearance sale on marble slates, sooo, I bought a couple of tons of them, they should replace your floors nicely. I also bought a couple thousand feet of I-beam to repair the structural damage. They should arrive here any minute now.
How did I pay ? Well, I was a little bit short on cash, so I told them to charge it to you, I’m sure you don’t mind. Oh, before I forget, they were getting rid of some paint also, so I took it. Unfortunately, its three drums of puce, taupe and lavender. It should suffice for the time being.
Coldy, Coldy ? Why are you hitting your head on that post ? Shouldn’t you stop, you might hurt yourself, be careful since it’s a struct…
CRAAAAAAASH !
::checks Coldfire::
He’s OK, but unconscious. That gives us more time.
Anyway, it was the garage that collapsed.
Luckily, his car wasn’t in it at the time. I think I saw wring driving it last, hopefully to the car wash.
I’ve got my Super-Duper Auto Hammer, Screwdriver and Saw. It’s the Swiss Army Knife™ of quick home repair. We should be able to finish the kitchen before he regains consciousness.
Hey, didn’t you see the Girls Gone Wild thread? Since I was shooting through the windows [sub]never mind the hidden cameras, okay?[/sub], I don’t need release forms. I’ll pay you for autograph signings, though, how’s that?
Ah, the marble and the I-beams are here. Thanks guys, just unload them here.
[sub]Ginger, leave these guys alone. You cannot play with them yet. Let them unload the trucks, after that they’re all yours.:D[/sub]
Now, where’s the phone ? OK, here it is.
<dial>
Hello, jarbabyj ? Yes, it’s detop. I’m calling you from Coldy’s place. Yeah, in the Netherlands…
<three hours later>
… so that’s why we need you to assemble a team of welders to give us a hand in rebuilding the place. Will you do it ? Yes, great ! Oh, I’ll give you Coldy’s credit card number for the plane tickets. Fly first class ? I’m sure he won’t mind, after all you’re doing him a favor. So, see you soon !
<click>
HEY, GUYS, I CALLED FOR REINFORCEMENTS !
I don’t wanna play with the boys, I wanna unload the trucks and work!
[sub]Ok, maybe I wanna play with the boys. But I wanna work too![/sub]
Ooooh… marble. This place is going to look like something out of Xanadu.
Hey! Guys! Yeah, you. If there’s a slab of marble about 3’x18", I’ll take it off your hands. I need a pastry board for my kitchen.
Oh, Ginger. The really incriminating tape is in a safety deposit box. 
You know guys, I’m all for play and everything… but this WORK thing, I-I-I-I-I-I don’t know…
plops down on the couch with a beer Ohhh look, Simpsons are on! begins to hand out beers
Thanks, Whammo! I was wondering when someone besides me would get over their conscience and just accept the fact that there is no way–NO FREAKING WAY–that we’ll ever be able to explain this. Sometimes, you just gotta buck up & take your medicine.
Besides, it’s relly all Coldy’s fault, you know. He’s a Guy Stuff survivor. He should have known better than to leave us alone in his house. Sheesh! Some folks just never learn.
Quitters !!!
Fine, I’ll do it myself, then ! If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the sub-basement, prepping the work for installing the I-beam.
[sub]<grabs shovel and case of duct tape> grumble, grumble, always ready for a party, but when it’s time to take responsibility, nobody’s there. At least I can rely on Ginger[/sub]
I’ll be down in a second.
Everyone else: We can save our asses. If we can get the house looking better than when we got here, Coldie may leave the house open for future parties.
What are you, Cleophus, nuts or something?
Coldy’s not stupid. If we get his house looking too nice, well, next time he decides he wants a renovation, he’ll just go on vacation again, leave us to trash the place, and rest assured knowing that our collective guilt will eventually end up with him living in an 800 room mansion on his own personal island.
Besides, he’s a bachelor! This kind of mess just can’t be anything but familiar to him.
::starts to take cover off nearest soap container, then suddenly stops::
Waitaminnit! If it’s demolished, we don’t have to clean it, right? Okej, that makes me feel better.
::refastens cover::
When you get the structural work done, I know some great interior decorators back home…
::grabs his cellphone, which miraculously still has charge and works::
Hi, Lee? It’s Sunspace. Has the Thursday Night Gang got time for a rush decorating job?
…Great! Who’s paying and where? Just a minute…
::yells to group::
Hey, who’s got the credit card? And what’s the address here?
The Netherlands? I’m in the Netherlands? [sub]Okej, that explains the electrical outlets. And the bong.[/sub] Okay, I’ll call back with the details…
Yes. As a matter of fact, I am. But then again, isn’t that a prerequisite for posting here?