Every year around Easter I am reminded of a long chapter in the story of Norv and Michelle.
It was late at night the Saturday before Easter –that’s Lazarus Saturday if you’re keeping track- and Norv and Michelle were talking to each other. Her name wasn’t really Michelle, her real name in the ballpark of Manjula, she had pretty eyes, and it was a cute inside thing they had. Now, it’s good to know a little background information first before we begin. Norville and Michelle were best pals ever since they met through a mutual friend while volunteering at an animal shelter the summer before. They hung out so much they practically dated each other. Norv was a boy and Michelle was a girl; that’s to be expected reasonably enough. And Norv’s pop and sister were gone for the weekend, until Sunday night anyways, for her volleyball tournament –so they say she was good at it, and his mom had probably clocked in, or started to anyways, for the night. Michelle wanted to be a doctor from Harvard Med and do neurosurgery, and Norville realized later everything in life he wanted to do either didn’t need a college degree or didn’t require twenty thousand dollars in student loans for an over-priced school when he could go to San Jacinto State College or spent a buck-fifty on late fees from a public library. Yeah, he would sneak in to see Good Will Hunting. He’d just as rather take eight thousand bucks from his dad and go study in fucking Hawaii for four years. That was cheaper than whatever exciting location an A&M or Tech was liable to be. Hell, it’s your four years; spent it wherever you damn well want to.
What follows is a dialogue in run-on sentences, with nervous pauses, “ums”, “uhs”, and a few frustrated words. I tried to punctuate the sentences appropriately, but it was a challenge to do that and keep the words going the way they went so bear with me on that.
Norv started the conversation with the ‘helloos’ of that time period. Michelle said, “Hey bud.” She mentioned then she had talked to a friend who moved to Louisiana last year just recently, as one of those things you say to your friend that’s a little update on your normal life, mundane and pointless but exciting and worth too much to be murdered by platitudes, so I’ll spare you that. Notice that all conversations go like that. I dare you to talk to someone and try not to do that. She was cut off, however, by Norv’s little update.
“I saw the end of The Birdcage with my mom.”
Michelle: “Ohhh cool. What’s it about”
Norv: ”It’s got Robin Williams, Nathan Lane, Gene Hackman, and Ally McBeal girl in it. Robin Williams and Nathan Lane are a gay couple who own a drag club in festive Miami and Nathan Lane is the transvestite star of it. Gene Hackman is a very conservative senator whose daughter is engaged to Robin Williams’ and Nathan Lane’s son. So the senator flies down to Miami to have dinner with the guy’s folks, who pretend to be a good, straight-ticker Republican family and all that stuff. Much hilarity ensues.
Michelle: “That sounds cool!”
Norv: ”Gene Hackman cross dressed at the end. It was funnay.”
“You used ‘funnay’”
”Yeah.”
”You got it from me.”
”Yeah.”
“Awwww.”
“That’s almost as cute as…” said Norville as he showed her a picture of a puppy. She laughed.
“Me and David just had a good conversation.” She said.
”Ya did, aye? What did you talk about?”
“Well it started out he didn’t believe it was me. He thought it was Upasana pretending to be me.” He laughed.
“No really. He did. Apparently she’s been using all these fake voices trying to talk to him. And I think he said she pretended to be me once.”
”That’s really lame.”
“Yeah. He asked me all these questions, ‘was I eating ice cream on Wed.’” He laughed. “I was like, ‘I don’t remember!’ But then I ended up remembering.” She laughed and he smiled. Because she thought it was funny and he thought so too. After a pause she asked him, “Wanna see a picture of my friend?” Norv said okay and she did.
Michelle: “He lives in Singapore now. He’s a sophomore.” Then Norv laughed. It was probably at the goofy picture of a shaggy-haired kid sporting his bell-bottoms, hat, and zesty red satin vest. It might have been because of the way friends laugh a lot at dull things when they’re with other friends to keep the mood sociable. Friends make stuff funny. Michelle said, “We’re trying to figure out if he’s gay”, at about the same second Norv said, “He’s funny lookin.” Then he said, “Oh”, and laughed.
“Hm. I can’t say much based on the picture, buuuut possibly.” She laughed.
“He’s not. Martha’s just freaking out. He’s a cool guy, very into converse.” She showed him another picture of the kid, this time in a pinstripe with a green vest and a precursor to the pimp chain. Norv said he liked the guy’s color. She laughed.
“I have no clue why he’s wearing all these suits. You remind me of him actually. In a way.”
Norv: ”And how so?”
“He has long hair. Well, you guys are both really awesome and cool. And kind of into your own thing. Well, style wise. And I don’t know, I guess that you’re both cool. You’d see if you met him. Well, I think there was somebody who reminded me if you more.”
”Who? That guy?” Norv said as he pointed to a picture of Michael Dukakis. She laughed.
“No. He’s too mean looking.” She said, “You’re like”, as she drew a halo in the air. Norv grabbed an elephant lying by his elbow and said, “Long face here?”
“You’re more of a puppy.” He laughed, a hurt one this time. “I like puppies,” she said. Norv pointed to the Night of the Living Dead poster on the adjacent wall. “I’m like that guy definitely.” Michelle said, “I have a better one.”
Norv: “You know who that reminds me of?”
“Me?”
“Noooo. Not you /Michelle/. Not you at all.” He used her real name then. She laughed and asked ‘who’. “I don’t know; but someone.” She laughed, “I’m trying to find a puppy that reminds me of you.” She was going through her stuff looking for the right dog picture. She had lots of pictures of dogs because she was a dog person. “I think I’m going to find your inner dog.” He laughed, “You’re so weird.”
“Not this again.” Norv often told her how weird she was. She found the dog and showed it to him. It was a tiny, furry, helpless brown thing. Adorable as hell, but Norv didn’t think it was as cute as Michelle did. “He’s a little ray of sunshine”, Michelle said.
“That dog is me?”
“He’s not you, silly. He just is sweet like you. Man, nobody understands symbolism anymore”
“It’s a cute dog.” He lied. He didn’t think it was that cute, but he did it for her.
“You know there’s a quiz in a magazine to find your ‘inner’ dog.”
There was a long pause at the end of that. Like two people who had just run out of things to say to each other. Stretched and uncomfortable. Because two old friends talking are laughing at what the other one says with all the mystery of that phenomenon and being more than agreeable for each other, and because they’re just kids, have an unpleasant experience when the conversation has died and the clock strikes :20 and there’s nothing there but dead air and all they can do is look at each other and maybe grin uneasily until someone does something. Michelle was the first to speak.
“I think I’ll probably go soon.”
”Why? Do you have to?”
“No. But nobody’s talking.”
“Oh.”
“I’ll stay though, I guess.”
“Well, um, /Michelle/.”
”Yes?” Her cell phone rang and she answered. There was a quick conversation because cell phone calls were expensive in those days. “Martha’s talking.” And she laughed.
“I’m ummm”
“What is it? You are…” She trailed off.
“Yeah.”
”You’re what? Talking? Don’t use the ‘ummms’; you’re scaring me. What’s wrong? /Norville/! Tell me!” She used his first and middle names then. Meekly he said, “/Michelle/, I’m gay.”
“If this is a joke, it’s not funny. But I’m here to talk if it’s not. Justin, you’re not kidding, are you?” The last word changed its sentence a statement to the question.
“Nope.”
”It’s okay, it’s me, talk to me.” You know that I won’t judge you or anything like that so tell me what you’re feeling and thinking. Don’t be shy.”
“Well,”
”It’s Michelle.” She said, and smiled.
“butterflies in stomach. That’s something, heh.”
“Okay. So /Norville/, you can’t just tell me that and be shy afterwards, you have to talk to me. I’m making you.” She laughed. “TALK!”
“It’s hard to, Michelle.”
”I know, I’m sorry. Just know that you can tell me anything and I won’t tell anybody, I’m here for you.”
“I was gonna tell you a long time ago; because it’s easier, when you don’t know someone for as long, but Dev and other people were always there, or it just wasn’t a good time.”
“Uh huh.”
“So tonight, I was like, ‘just fuck it already.’” She laughed. “Why did you tell Carly that you were secretly in love with Sarah if obviously you aren’t?”
“Well, I do like Sarah. It’s weird. I like her, cuz she’s so cool and all that stuff; but I could never, you know…”
“Go out with her or the other thing.” She said it like a statement.
“Well, the going out is a separate problem. See, every time I have a shot with a girl I always screw it up.”
”I’m turning off my cell phone so we can talk.” And she did. “Who have you ‘run’ from?”
“I had a good shot with Sarah back in August, we were doing awesome together. In my AOL profile under ‘relationships’, I had, ‘there is this one girl…’ and she wanted to know who it was, but I wouldn’t tell her. I didn’t want to throw myself out there to anyone like that. And there was some of me being a total jughead in the fall and I lost it.” He attached, “Yeah. She’s cool, but, I’m not like David.”
”What do you mean?”
”David’s your typical guy when it comes to girls. Attitude wise.”
”Which is…”
”Hormone-driven.” She laughed and said that was a good thing he wasn’t like that. She asked what he was so worried about, he asked her what that meant, and she told him everything was coming after long pauses. “Oh”, he said.
“So, am I the only one you’ve told?”
“I told Jimmy once back when he and I talked all the time.”
”This year?”
“No. Some other year. During the summer. But I haven’t talked to him in over a year. Sometime after that.” Norv was lying on the ground with his back on the wall and his legs in front of him.
“But I do have something to tell you. Remember setting up Sadie Hawkins, when Heather knew your name even though you said she never talked to you once before, even at middle school?”
”Yeah.”
“Do you remember when Julianna called me over to them, and I was talking to both of them? That’s kind of like asking you if you ate ice cream on Wed. But still.”
“I did eat- wait, no I didn’t. That was Tuesday, never mind.” She laughed. “Back to the story,” he said. “Well do you?” “I think I do, I remember being by myself doing some stuff.”
“Well she asked me who you were and I was like, ‘a person.’” She laughed again and he smiled up at her. “And Heather was like, ‘that Norville, brother of Kurt and Celine.’ Julianna whined about how she had never seen you, then she figured out who you were, cause Kurt’s in her math class, and she knew Celine. And she goes, ‘is he gay? That’s what Kurt said.’ And Heather was like, ‘Yaaaaa.’” He sniggered and said he remembered hearing that. She asked him if he meant the part about Heather.
“The part where she said Kurt said later when we were moving the tables.” She asked how Heather knew so much about him.
“Hm. Word gets around.”
”She said there was a rumor going around even in middle school.”
”Dev told me lots of rumors about me in 4th. Used to be.” (“He did? That’s mean.”) “With that one girl that was his ‘source’. The Rae thing, how I was going out with her and she blew me on Valentine’s Day, and all that.”
“I argued that you would have told us. He was pretty set on it though, because he said her friend told him. Or something. I can’t remember, I wasn’t paying attention to everything.” He asked her, “He equals Dev, right?” She laughed and said yes. And he said, “okay.”
Michelle: “Does Morgan know?” He told her no.
“What made you want to tell me? Just curious.”
“I figured we knew each other and stuff. It seemed like the thing to do.”
“It was, don’t worry.” A pause and she spoke again. “So… anything else you’ve been wanting to tell me?”
“Hm. Nope.” (“Mmkay.”)
Michelle: “So, um, do you want to talk about it?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, go ahead.” He said “Um” and laughed. “This is so funny.”
Michelle: ”Why?”
”Just because. The way it’s going.”
“Well you’re not talking! And it’s not like anyone’s ever told me something important before. It’s been stuff like, ‘I love Bob! What do I do, /Michelle/?” He laughed. “It’s the same thing, sort of. On a different level. Heh.”
“Well this is your revelation, you talk to me.”
But Norv said, “Usually, the other person has questions and stuff. That’s how it customarily goes.”
“Fine then.” And they laughed and she asked him if he liked anybody. “Not right now.” “Did you? Have you?” “Yeah.” “Who?” And he told her ‘Eric’ and she nodded and asked for more names. He told her one and she asked him about Allan and he asked her why. She said his face just came into her mind. Norv took the honest road and said once, he thought “this guy’s alright.”
”So, Eric, Mike, and Allan. Anyone else?”
”Hey, I don’t ask you who you’ve liked.”
“Well I haven’t liked anybody.” They giggled at that. “Pssha,” he said. “But I’m sorry,” she said, “see? This is why I told you to talk. That way I won’t risk offending you.”
”But I don’t know what to talk about.” “Okay. Just don’t get mad at me.”
“I won’t.”
“Okay, um, when did you first think you were gay?”
“Oh, a while ago.” He elaborated: “Long time.”
“Well, umm, I guess I’m out of questions.”
”Does this change anything?”
”Of course not, Norv.” He said yay and they both smiled. She spoke again, “You should have known you can tell me just about anything and I usually won’t freak out; and if I do, it’s just ‘cuz it’s a reaction. Jeez, with all those “ums” I thought you were going to tell me I was gross or I had cooties or something.” They laughed. She laughed her laugh and he laughed a relieved laugh.
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“Well, even if you did, I’m not gross, and I got my cootie shot.” She laughed.
“But I’m extra-protective about girly cooties, you see. I don’t even want to risk it.” While she laughed he winked at her. He added, “Cuz it’s… the cooties… and the… yeah.”
“Yeah. Have you ever thought of what is going to happen if they find out?”
“It’s gonna suck probably.”
“It’s Easter.”
“Right now?”
”Yes.”
”Wow.”
“Well it’s a little past 12.”
“That’s dramatic. What’s the word? Meaningful? Neat? Symbolic?” She laughed and he added “Cool” to it. “I dunno. It’s one of those things.”
“Don’t think symbolic.” Then she said, “I got to say, you tell me this says loads about how close we are. Right?”
”Yeah.”
”Aw. That’s meaningful. Ohhh, uhh, Dev.”
”What about Dev?”
“Well, he always sort of joked about you being gay.”
“I don’t want Dev to know.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I was never going to tell him. I’m just saying, he’s sort of like Kurt.”
“Yeah. They’re a lot alike.”
”Are they really?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” They sat there for several minutes next to each other. It was a nice quiet then. Not all gatherings of two or more people have to be noise-polluted; sometimes the best stuff is no one says anything, but the feeling’s all there. They mostly stared at the fan spinning. Michelle was the first to speak.
“Okay. I’m kind of tired. I think I’ll go to bed unless there’s anything else you want to talk about.”
”Hm,” he said. “Do you like Rugby?”
”Well I haven’t actually watched a game, but it could be interesting. Why? I know what it is.”
“Just wondering. It’s one of my new favorites sports now. I finally figured out how it goes the other day.”
“Cool. Any favorite teams?”
“Scotland I guess. Heh,” he said. “I’m going to sleep now, since it’s late, and we’re both tired.”
”Okay, bye Norv.”
“And I should get up before noon tomorrow.” They laughed one more time.
“Okay. If you wanna talk, call me. Bye.”
”Sure.”
And then she left.
Norville stared at the fan some more until he couldn’t see her taillights or hear her the Wallflowers on her radio. He laughed because of the non-drama of the encounter; what it left him with was an impression of something indescribable about life, like something HP Lovecraft wrote about, only without the unspeakable horror.
That’s when Norv went upstairs to his room to lie down for the night. In the morning he’d get some jellybeans and caramels, the candy he really wanted from Easter, and some chocolate eggs.
Well that’s the story. I hope you read all of it and liked it. Norv and Michelle were quit a pair, weren’t they? Most conversations like that don’t turn out that way; people like Norv usually have more to say and the Michelles are usually more interested. Or less interested, she did leave the mic open to Norv for him to talk about it all he needed to, more than once, afterall. Funny how those dramatic moments between folks are like that sometimes. :smack:
Darn, 2500 characters short.