Grab your children and pets, for the Cooler of Death has returned! (He warned us!)
:: cue ominous music ::
Sunday my husband and I went to breakfast at 59 Diner. On our way out, he spied an innocent looking cooler, seemingly in great shape! A feeling of disquiet passed over me, but surely it couldn’t be IT, could it? I was slightly concerned, but knowing my husband, I knew he couldn’t resist the call of FREE STUFF ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. I laughingly warned him to think of what might be inside. “Maybe a severed head,” I quipped. He just looked at me strangely, and got out of the truck. (He knows of my addiction to this place, but he is not a member, and knows not of The Cooler of Death. I should have stopped him.)
It is June. This means here in Houston it has been summer with 90+ temps for a couple of months now. I couldn’t see him open and dump the cooler, but I saw him put it in the back of the truck. Then he got in the truck. I gagged and told him to “Get out! Get out!” He smelled so rank I thought I was gonna hurl. He was gagging, too. I told him, “No way we’re keeping that cooler! It’s the return of the Cooler of Death!” He drove closer to the door of the restaurant, and got out. He put the cooler back on the ground, and went to wash his hands.
The smell was still in the truck! AAAGGHHH! I had some spray stuff like Febreze in the glove box, and sprayed his seat and floor mats liberally. When he got back we sprayed his shoes. There was still a faint hint of the nastiness that was dead nasty bait shrimp, baked in the sun for a month or two or 20, but we survived until we could wipe down the interior back at home.
I pity the next person who decides that cooler would be nice to take home!
Beware The Cooler of Death. It could be in your neighborhood soon.
Ewwwwwwwwww!! I just read the thread the OP linked to. Hilarious!
I, too, have had my own cooler of death.
We used to have lizards. Lizards that ate crickets. Said crickets were kept in a cooler. That way, you don’t hear them, and they stay fresh and crispy longer. teehee
Well…a year or two had passed since we sold our last Bearded Dragon. We moved twice, and the cooler always came with us. So last summer, I decide to take this cooler on a little trip we were taking.
I opened the cooler, not really remembering why it sat unused for 2 years, and found about an inch or two of petrified cricket sludge in the bottom. :o And yes, Hubby told me he had cleaned it before moving.
You need to go back to that cooler, attach a GPS device to the bottom and then you can track the movements of the CoD. Then you can see who transports it the furthest.
Reminds me of an old VW commercial.
Two college aged guys in some VW or other driving along, no voice over, just music “duh… duh…duh”
They spy a recliner on the street, waiting for the garbage.
Next shot the two guys, the chair in the back seat. The guys are making stinky faces. Next shot the chair on the street, waiting for the garbage, as the guys drive on. “duh…duh…duh…”
I accidentally made a CoD myself a while ago. I dumped it on the lawn, and it made a spot. I was moving, so I don’t know if the grass recovered. That was a heck of a smell it had from the rotted oatmeal and stuff in there.
My Dad recently claimed my CoD. My nephew (when he was my basement dweller) used it during hunting season. I have no idea what he had in it, but the one time he tried to bring it in the house I said “NoNoNoNoNoNoNo”. He took it outside and left it behind the garage.
Where it sat for over a year.
A month ago my Dad was over helping me with yardwork. He turned over the wheelbarrow and found said CoD underneath. “Isn’t that MY cooler?” he asked. “It is now” I innocently replied.
Cue to this weekend at same nephew’s wedding. Dad opens up the back of his truck, pulls out spiffy clean cooler resuscitated from death. I asked how bad the cleaning job was. Was told “You don’t wanna know”. I blamed the nephew and walked away.
:eek: