The Dave-Guy Curse is still alive!

The BBQ Pit
1

I have known for a long time that I am cursed. Whichever lane of traffic I am in is the lane that doesn’t move. If I switch lanes to one that’s moving, that lane immediately stops moving. If I am waiting in a check-out line at a store, something will happen to slam the brakes on the progress of the line. It could be anything; some elderly person deciding to divest him/herself of all the loose change in their pocket or purse in order to grace the store with exact change for their purchase; it could be someone writing a check for one roll of toilet tissue and a package of tic-tacs, necessitating more ID than is required at Fort Knox. Who knows? Whenever I show up and pick a line, it stops.

Today, I ran into the supermarket to pick up a couple things for dinner. I went to the Express lane, as I only had seven items (I obey the rules, folks). There was only one person ahead of me, and he was picking up his bag and leaving as I approached.

Oh joy! I thought. I will pay for my food and leave with no delay!

Fat chance.

My purchase came to $10.88. I gave the cashier a ten dollar bill and a one dollar bill. Then it happened. The Curse.

Maybe your supermarket does this, too. A little printer machine next to the register prints one or two coupons for Friskies cat food, or Charmin bathroom tissue or something, and you get this neat-o little spiff along with your change and receipt. It’s not your receipt, understand, it’s just something the store does to entice you back.

This machine had run out of tape. The coupon couldn’t print. The cashier had to open it, take out the empty spindle, open up a new roll, and try to install it. It wasn’t working properly, so she rang for the front-end manager. And waited. And waited.

No apology, no “this will only take a minute, sorry”, no nothing. I don’t know if she couldn’t finish the transaction unless this printer was working, or whether she felt she shouldn’t, or was incapable of making change without the LCD readout telling her how much $10.88 from $11.00 was. I just don’t know. But we stood there silently for a long moment.

Finally, I realized I was waiting for twelve lousy cents. Twelve cents I probably wouldn’t bother bending over and picking up if I dropped it in the street.

So I picked up my purchases, told the cashier, “This isn’t worth waiting for twelve cents. See ya,” and left the store.

2

Can’t say I blame you…

3

I would suggest that you learn to chill, but I realize that you don’t have time for such mundane things…

[sub]p.s. - if everyone else on the highway is averaging 30 mph, you will NOT manage 60. trust me on this one…[/sub]

4

Just think of what you did to some bean counter trying to find where that extra 12 cents came from!

5

Isn’t it great when you have a day where you can purchase your freedom so cheaply !

6

I think the real curse here is that it took you that long to figure out twelve cents isn’t worth waiting for.:wink:

p.s. Are you my long lost brother? I feel like I have the same curse myself.

7

And, once again, Happyheathen bestows his assholery upon the world.

[sub]P.S. - how could you possibly get the idiotic notion that the guy in the OP needs to learn to “chill”, and how did driving come into play?[/sub]

8

I guess Happy is just part of the curse.

9

whew I must have changed 1000s of little paper thingys in my life and it has never taken more then 3 brain cells to do so. Not even the first time.
Who cursed you anyway?

10

I’m not going to point out that you could have just asked the cashier for your $0.12 before you left.

Really, I’m not. :smiley:

11

Well, I thought about asking her for it, but I was getting the impression that it was physically (or maybe mentally) impossible for her to open the register drawer unless the coupon printer was functioning.

And happyheathen, thanks for the advice. I hadn’t mentioned it in my OP, but we were on our way home from an Open House at NYU, and had spent close to an hour and a half stuck in traffic on the West Side, and it was past 6:30, and we were all hungry, and since it’s the end of the month, we’re running short on ready money for a family of four to live on, and it was the Express Lane, after all, and service in general is declining in our society, and why should I just accept poor service and being forced to wait, and it’s only twelve lousy cents.

I wasn’t rude, by the way. I merely stated that it wasn’t worth twelve cents. At least I offered an explanation, which is more than the cashier did.

12

When traffic is jammed, it is jammed. Switching lanes rerely helps (unless one lane is blocked), so learn to deal with life in the city.

And life is full of annoying delays.

It’s really not worth the aggravation.

oh, and Spoofe -

read the OP:

That’s where driving came in.

moron.

13

hh - Yeah. And you promptly extrapolated that to:

14

yep, people who think changing lanes in a traffic jam will speed up their trip ARE missing the point - ever see someone change lanes 7 times to try to get ahead of 2 cars? Just tries up traffic more.

15

All was silent. DAVEW0071 and his trusty Egyptian guide, Cherif, crawled through the cramped passageway, with only a lantern to light the way.

“Getchur ass in gear, Cherif!!” Dave yelled.

“But sir, nobody has set foot in these chambers in over 2,000 years,” Cherif.

“Blah, blah, blah… Just get a move on.” Dave pushed Cherif in the back, nearly toppling him over. They arrived at a huge stone door which was covered in ancient writing.

“This says that anyone who enters the burial chamber will be forever…”

“…Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. I don’t have time to read these doors, Cherif, just open the damn door.” Dave said.

“This is blasphemy” Cherif said, “I will have nothing to do with the desecration of this burial place.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m in a hurry, I’ll fucking do it. Places to go. People to see. I don’t have all day.”

Dave pushed Cherif aside, opened the door, and entered. Cherif, terrified at what may occur, fled from the chamber. But not before hearing Dave’s piercing scream.

“NOOOOOOoOOOOO!!!”

16

DAVE, I too, am cursed. Apparently, long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away I angered the Grocery Store god. Boy does that fucker hold a grudge.

I always get in the bad line. And if I’m in the good line, inevitably something, much like what happened to you, will prevent me from paying the cashier and going merrily on my way sans problems.

I’m glad you realized twelve cents wasn’t worth it. :slight_smile:

17

happyheathen, you’ve extrapolated waaaaaaay too much out of the simple statement that whichever lane I’m in is the one which isn’t moving.

I never said anything about changing lanes. In fact, I agree with you that changing lanes just to get one car length ahead is stupid, futile, rude, and only screws up traffic all the more. I DO NOT DO IT.

My point was merely that I am often sitting in traffic and realizing that I am not moving at all while the other lanes are; albeit by small degrees. My comment was meant to be laced with wry irony, but apparently I was too subtle for you.

And you’re right, life is full of annoying delays. My point is that the delay of which I wrote was not worth twelve cents.

Furthermore, neither is your opinion nor your baseless assumptions.

18

Let’s see:

yep, my “assumption” that you changed lanes in traffic jams was indeed, baseless. So sorry.

19

Oh, Lordy, score one for happyheathen.

Congratulations, tightass.

20

You coulbn’t wait for you change? What was your fucking hurry? Was there a traffic jam you were late for?

Just kidding. I would have bailed, too.