I am convinced that a witch has cursed me so that no matter which locker I choose at the gym, someone will choose the one right next to mine and will finish up their workout at EXACTLY the same time so that we have to negotiate access.
The TP demons are always hard at work and you can bet the one time I don’t check if there’s any Angel Soft under the cabinet next to the can… .
When I was born we forgot to invite one of the witches to my christening. As a result I have been cursed. Specifically, I am unable to make a basket. Could be in basketball, could be throwing a wadded kleenex into the trash, I can’t do it, I always miss.
Mine is never being able to pick the best checkout line in a supermarket. Believe me, I try my best. As I cautiously approach the front of the store, I size up the several available lines. I look for how many people are in line, the size of their loads, if a bagger is assisting, etc. Yet, something seems to always go wrong:
The bagger suddenly leaves to go on break or to another station or to assist someone to their car.
A credit/debit card is rejected and a long argument ensues that requires the intervention of a manager.
There is an argument over what is or isn’t on sale and there’s a delay for a price check.
Someone holds back items because of total cost concerns and then, after each dutifully provided subtotal, slowly adds on item at a time to the checkout process.
Someone has a damaged item, and we have to wait until a lackey retrieves a replacement so the process can complete.
The checkout person is 20 years and 11 months old and cannot legally scan alcoholic beverages, so we have to wait for an adult to show up and swipe the beverages over the scanner to continue the checkout process.
My dad was sure that he had a curse by which any time he sat down to eat at a fast-food restaurant, someone would be sent out to mop the dining room. Don’t get me wrong, a clean dining room is nice - but having someone mop all around you, and then having mop water of questionable cleanliness and fragrance drying all around you (as often as not, the mop has just been used to take care of the floors in the bathrooms before arriving in your vicinity), is kind of off-putting.
I could fart all alone in the middle of the nowhere and within seconds, someone would show up and invade my personal space. (The good news is, I’ll never be lost).
One of the worst times, I was working at a register in a drugstore and having some extreme intestinal distress. At one point I nearly shat my pants, and just after that close call, the manager came and bent down next to me to unlock the safe. Face right in the danger zone. She didn’t say anything, but she was probably unable.
Somehow, for some reason, I am cursed to always get the shopping cart with the funky wheel. Sometimes they don’t even act funky until I’m well into the grocery store.
For years, I believe I have been tracked by a cult I have named ‘the 40 people’. Their goal is, whenever I am on a road with a single lane in each direction, to drive in front of me at precisely 40mph.
I presume it’s some kind of curse, possibly as a learner I held up some sort of low powered avenging spirit.
I misread the thread title and imagined something more like Homer Simpson: “Stupid donut! How could I hate you?”
That’s the secret, they’re ALL terrible.
Where I’m from, Walmart carts are frequently problematic. Publix and Ramey’s (used to be Piggly Wiggly, IIRC) carts never give me a problem.
I seem to always get the one that has a sharp protrusion on the handle–either the plastic grip, or the welds; sometimes it draws blood (as Expiation, I assume).
I am cursed in that, given any binary choice with approximately 50/50 odds, I will choose the wrong one. Lines, lanes of traffic, coin tosses, etc. all will go the wrong way. In roulette I have better luck betting on a number or a row than betting black/white. Statistically impossible, but I swear it to be so!
When it comes to putting on a T-shirt in the dark, I am cursed. You’d think this is a 50-50 proposition, but it’s not: pretty much every time, I put it on backwards.
I am cursed with bad line karma. Doesn’t matter whether the line is at a bank, movie theater, grocery store, or any other place. I will always choose the one that takes longest.
If there are two lines to choose from at the grocery store and one has five people waiting with overfilled carts, I will choose that one that has only one person waiting to buy a can of cat food…But inevitably that person with the cat food will attempt to use an expired coupon on a sale item that ended yesterday, while trying to pay with 1928 Grover Cleveland $1,000 bill.
There’s your problem: stop betting on white.
I am cursed with an allergy to electric appliances. It don’t matter what it is or how cheap or expensive it is. If I hang around it, using it or cleaning it, it will break. I cannot tell you how many microwaves, toasters, coffee makers, washing machines we’ve bought. My fancy ass new, matched to the washer, dryer is acting stupid right now. It’s not 1 year old.
I have just given up.
Oh, I forgot TVs. And satellite boxes and remotes. Mr.Wrekker just bought a new TV. Still in the box in the dining room. He said it’s about time for me to break the one we’re using.
ETA I am cursed, I tell ya!
I am cursed to be able to trip over anything, including flat empty floor.
Or maybe it’s a really sucky superpower.
This’ll make your day: you could put it on backwards and inside-out. Fashion statement?
I have the same complaint, only for me, it’s plugging in a cord to a wall socket. 100% wrong the first time, every time. It’s freakin’ uncanny.