I think my eyes just glazed over.
Zombie ham! Searching for dog braaaaiiiiinnnnzzzz.
Everybody has to ham it up. Yuk Yuk Yuk
I guess we’ll have genuine eggs and green ham instead of roast beast.
Anybody interested in a white elephant exchange?
Are you going to buy it plane ticket? I wouldn’t to have to carry anything like that in an animal carrier. Not on my lap anyway.
So, what does happen if the ham sees its shadow?
I found something hammy that might be almost as scary as the ham in your fridge:
Yeek! Easter dinner?
It’ll be bacon for the light again.
Good grief.
Okay, people, the next holiday we have coming up is President’s Day. Let’s have a few presidential-themed recipes for leftover Christmas Ham.
Hostile Dialect, do you have a food processor, or an old meat grinder? I’m thinking you get this baby macerated and put it into a Jello mold shaped like Mt. Rushmore. Can’t get more presidential-themed than that. Also, if nobody still eats it, you can later reshape it for Easter, or Arbor Day, or International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Hey, they got one thing right. That is in fact…really different.
I’m doing an update now that weeks have passed. The pan with the ham still sits on the top shelf. Nobody ate it for Valentine Day. It’s a good thing the pan is an enamel pan or the ham may have eaten through the metal by now.
The ham has lasted past the halfway point to becoming an Easter ham. I wonder if it’s starting to look like a religious icon yet. I don’t plan on looking to see, but maybe we’ll have a Easter miracle.
I have to remember to buy my own pound of ham for Easter, because I know she’s not buying one.
The passive-agressive! It buuuuurns!
Is she eating it at all? Did she forget about it? Is she just keeping it there to prove to you that she WILL do it? What the hell?
She never ate it after that day.
She does tend to leave stuff in the refrigerator, that I will throw out. This however is something I won’t toss, because of the original baggage attached to it, that would give me grief for doing so. It sits on half of the top shelf.
You know how some people have those cement geese on the front walk that they dress up in different outfits for the holidays? You should make costumes for the ham. Put a green plastic bowler on it for Paddy’s, some bunny ears for easter…
Green shouldn’t be a problem at this point. I think the coat of green fur it probably already has should do.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
The ham. For some reason, “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day keeps running through my head.
"Read between the lines
What’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs
To know I’m still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah"
I wouldn’t either. At this point it’s a battle of wills. Yours, hers and the hams.
I don’t doubt the ham’s sentient at this point. If I was you I would go ahead and name it. “The ham” sounds so informal considering it’s now a member of your family.
I vote for Hamish.
Hamlet. Obviously.
Hampton.
Or Hairy Hamlin even.
Englebert Hamerdick.