The deadly art of butt-stroking

So I was just reading the Wikipedia entry on pistol-whipping and felt I just had to share the last sentence with you guys: “Pistol-whipping should not be confused with butt-stroking, a close combat military discipline.”

The link then takes you to the “Buttstroke” page which politely informs you: “‘Butt stroking’ redirects here. For touching or fondling another person’s buttocks in a sexual way, see groping.”

My new goal in life now is to work my way up the military system as THE authority in this discipline and insist on being addressed as Master Butt-stroker.

I would have thought that butt-stroking was the major avenue for promotion in the military (as it is in most hierarchical systems).

I’m impressed how the Navy instructs you to close with and successfully carry out a well-executed butt-stroke on a target who is retreating or otherwise deflecting your advances.

I wish you the best in your studies.

Is this similar in any way to grabassing?

Now everbody… have you heard? If you’re in the Corps, “buttstroke”'s the word…

How about “MetroGnome - senior butt-stroking expert.”

The buttocks can be an extremely erogenous zone.

No, you may not ask me how I know that.

“Sir, every time we advance on the enemy they unleash an awesome barrage of butt stroking that turns our men’s knees to jelly!”

It’s not so much that butt-stroking is a form of close combat. But it can lead to close combat if you misread the situation.

I imagine the navy offers instruction in the breaststroke, too.

I guess they don’t row much in the navy these days. There would have been a time when it was important to please the cox with your stroke.

Tail-hook is more their cup of tea.

While horizontal buttstroking might sound good to some, it’s unlikely that many people would want to be the recipient of it.

I somehow acquired a version of the USMC close combat manual from back in the “sweep and stomp” days. Every time it recommends an open handed slap to the enemy’s groin it includes “grab, squeeze, and twist IN A VIOLENT AND FORCEFUL MANNER.” It makes you wonder, the all caps thing, were too many guys grabbing, squeezing and twisting in a gentle and sensual manner?

This close combat stuff seems very complicated. I’m going to stick to plumbing. I almost have that ballcock sorted out.

I always figured any combat that required me mounting my bayonet to my 16 was just too damned close.