Engineers learn to design electronic vehicles that have longer range. The trade off is removing the AC and heating system as well as all other bells and whistles.
I wish for a dessert that tastes great and automatically cleans your teeth.
Crystal Sugar Meth tastes great and automatically cleans your teeth. Unfortunately, it also gets you hopelessly addicted to meth, and causes severe gum disease to where your teeth fall out, and you can no longer eat Crystal Sugar Meth.
I wish for a merry Christmas
You get up on Christmas morning to a joyful house. Vistors arrive and it gets better. The merriment escalates throughout the day and deep into the long night. You wake up around noon on Boxing Day and struggle through the pain to try to forget what went on last night.
I wish for a happy new year, much better than the past few have been.
You become happy when all the people who screwed you over in life die on the same day right in front of you. Their families and loved ones see you celebrate their deaths.
I wish I had a groove to get back.
So where’s the down side… ?
in play:
The devil grants you a brand new groove. However, you quickly come to realize that another word for ‘groove’ is ‘rut’.
I wish for the power to see how my life would have turned out if I had not let a certain woman slip through my fingers. Not to go back and have a do-over, mind you – just to know what the alternative might have been.
-“BB”-
She is with you. She convinces you that you both move to another city together. Months after your there, you are convinced that she wanted to get with a man she once dated. You decide to cheat and she catches you. And you were wrong about her.
I wish my daughter would read my mind and by me the gift I really want.
Your daughter can read your mind. All of your mind. She is subjected to every thought you ever had, including those impure thoughts you had about her third grade teacher. You get your gift, but she can never look you in the eye again.
I wish I could go to bed on time.
OK.
The sound of a ticking clock constantly emanates from your mattress all night long, slowly driving you mad.
I wish I had a time machine to go back and look at the dinosaurs and pterosaurs with.
You are transported back sixty five million years to somewhere near what will one day be Mexico. You can see off in the distance some pterosaurs and a couple of apatosaurus. Also, an unusually large asteroid directly above you.
I wish for instant ‘washboard abs’.
The fat displaced from your belly moves upwards and gives you prominent man boobs.
I wish I could give somebody a dirty look and make them cower in fear.
Granted. Your face is all pustules and boils, where some appear to be on the verge of popping on their own. So yeah others are pretty fearful.
I wish Donald Trump ended up with Elephant Man’s face.
Donald Trump, upon acquiring the Elephant Man’s face in a jar, puts it on display in the Trump museum dedicated to his greatness. His claim that it was really a [CENSORED due to propriety] was eaten up by the MAGA rubes, and his museum actually makes money.
I wish the devil would get lost.
Lucifer loses his bearings and wanders about for an era and a half. Finally, he stumbles upon your house, where your daughter find herself taken with (and hence by) him. You end up dealing with many little devils.
I wish corporations would be held accountable for their misbehaviors.
Corporations become accountable. The water is cleaner, the air is cleaner. Corporations stop funding politicians. Politicians have little campaign money and start being honest to attract voters. USA erupts into chaos.
I wish I could communicate with spirits in the afterlife.
They only want to talk about bowel movements, for hours at a time.
I wish I had a robot monkey butler.
For about a month everything is divine-he follows your every command, unquestioningly…
Until one evening right after midnight he achieves self-awareness (after watching one too many Lancelot Link videos), promptly goes insane from the revelation of what he really is, and after realizing you made him what he is, kills you in your sleep with a potato peeler.
I wish I had a magic French Fry machine.
You get a magic French Fry machine. It is great. You become addicted to what it produces and over the course of a year, the magical French Fries slowly turn you into a giant potato. A gang of hungry Irish people show up, skin you alive with a potato peeler, cook you up and feast on potato salad.
I wish people would like me.
You will be captured by cannibals. They will like you, though they’ll find you a bit tough.
I wish I wasn’t so distractible. (For example, I sometimes reply to threads without realizing they are zombies).
Once you’ve been infected by the zombie you raised, you won’t be distractable anymore. You’ll have only one thing on your mind: Braaaains!
I wish I had a shotgun to defend myself from zombies. *thinks a moment* And requisite ammunition!
(There are two good options here, so I’m gonna give you both of them)
- You are given a shotgun and a supply of ammunition. Eventually, however, you run out of ammunition and the zombies get you anyway.
- You are given a shotgun – and, in a rare display of unusual generosity, the devil also allows you an unlimited supply of ammunition. You are NOT, however, given access to gun-cleaning supplies, so eventually the weapon becomes unusable and again, the zombies get you.
I wish to know the location where I am fated to die, so that I can avoid it.
-“BB”-