One time, my friend was telling me that he had seen a pool filling truck (Tanker truck, full of water, comes over and fills the pool ) filling up at a fire hydrant. He expressed suprise, saying he didn’t think they could use hydrants to fill up. His little brother had heard this and helpfully piped in, “Well,maybe it was filling up the hydrant.” I literaly rolled on the floor.
This was at the New York University cafeteria. I ate there a lot. This is the one at the residence hall on Third Avenue. I recognized the lady who made the burgers. She was there every day. I had ordered cheeseburgers from her several times. So, she lets the hamburger patty sizzle a while. Then:
Lady: “You want cheese?”
Me: “I ordered a cheeseburger.”
Lady: “You want cheese?”
[Slight pause; I give her a chance to get from point A to point B, but she just stares blankly]
Me: “It’s a cheeseburger.”
Lady: “You want cheese or not?”
[Longer pause; I innocently look at the girls in line]
Me: “Cheese… burger.”
Lady: “With cheese?”
[Grrrrrr…]
Me: “How about a cheeseburger without the cheese?”
So, that’s how I ended up with a plain hamburger. No bloody sense of irony, some people…
I’m a DJ… do you have any idea how often I get asked this question?
My answer is always the same:
“…You mean, the one with the singer? Oh yeah… I got it… I’ll throw it on in a little while.”
They usually bought it and went away. The person next to me had the same reaction you did while I shrugged and said, “It’s usually something I play anyway. I’m not too worried.”
sure enough, by the end of the night, the same person would come back and say “Thanks for playing that song” without so much as a hint of a syllable of a word of which one it was.
“No problem. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
…sigh
I have always been bad about holiday dates. I would be hard pressed to tell you when Memorial Day is, or even what month it’s in. So I guess it was only a matter of time before I said:
“Hey, when is Cinco de Mayo anyway?”.
I realized what I was saying while I was saying it.
The dumbest thing that I have ever heard would be a tie between two things. Both were related to my former job at Barnes and Noble.
“Where are your copiers located?”
“I would like to return this magazine”
Shane was trying to leave a friend’s house with his two friends, who would not stop playing Nintendo.
I come in the room and say, “Shane, come on. Let’s go!!”
Shane says, “I’m ready to go, but these guys are hooked on phonics.”
Huh? 
As a vegetarian, travelling is a pain in the butt. One of my favorite things to do on the road is to order a hamburger at a fast food joint, sans the burger. It usually goes something like this.
“Um…yea, I’ll have a Junior Whopper with extra cheese, just a little big of onion, and hold the burger.”
“What?”
“Yea, I don’t want any meat on that. Just the burger.”
“You mean a veggie burger?”
“Err…no. You don’t serve veggie burgers. You serve buns with cheese and lettuce in them. So I’ll take one of those.”
One chick literally stood there and just looked at me like I had the plague. It was great. As far as the funniest dumb thing…I was in the 7th grade, and the car pool was driving us to a soccor game. We had to stop at one of the girl’s houses, who (typically Vermont) had a couple cows. But not Holsteins, these were wierd Scottish Highland cows of some sort, hairy as all hell, and with bit horns. The sweet, stupid girl in the group cryed “OOOH! The horney cows! I LOVE them!” The worst part was that she didn’t get why the rest of us had tears running down our faces until someone sobered enought to explain it to her. “What? Come on guys, WHAT? I mean it, what’s so funny?”
Here is a collection of stupid questions I have collected from many years of working in movie theatres…
Is this movie ok for my kid?
What time is the 8 o’clock show?
Where is the 2nd floor?
While working at a single screen theatre (remember those?) a person drove up and parked by the marquee with the title of the film showing on it, walked past the poster marked now showing and came in and asked ‘What’s showing?’
What do you mean it’s sold out?
There are no more seats available.
So why can’t I buy a ticket?
While showing a re-releas of Fantasia people frequently come out and ask ‘Is the whole movie like this?’.
And one final one from high school.
A girl is waiting for someone to come to the school and pick her up and she keeps getting up and going to the window to see if the car has pulled up.
Teacher ‘Sally a watched pot never boils.’
Sally ‘Yes it does! I tried it once and it did indeed boil.’
At the grave of JFK…“His brother was shot by that guy, Sirloin Sirloin.”
At the Lincoln Memorial…mother, pointing to Lincoln, tells son, “He wrote the Constitution.”
Recently at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial I heard a father explaining to his son, who was about 20, that this was not the same thing he saw in Saving private Ryan.
But honestly, we should not make fun of these people… I know a few on this board.
I’ll just point out that this isn’t necessarily stupid, I say it all of the time. I know that as a general rule movies will show at approximately: 5pm, 7pm, 9pm, 11pm. Obviously this varies greatly with play length and other things so I may very well say “I’ll go check out when the 9 o’clock show starts.”
However, knowing the general public, it probably was a stupid question.
As for my stupidest thing heard. . .
Unfortunately it came out of my mouth. Feeling contrary in the face of a teacher going on about JFK’s greatness, I asked “if he was so great, why wasn’t he re-elected?”
I was asked this when I worked at a BBQ restaurant:
“What is the difference between pork ribs and beef ribs?”
Duh…one is from a pig and the other from a cow! I heard that so many times I wanted to scream.
MCI Worldcom called me up one day to get me to switch to them as my long distance carrier.
I decided to at least figure out what they could offer me.
After their long spiel about domestic rates, I said that
most of my long distance dollars were spent calling Europe.
They asked which countries, so I said France, Switzerland and Austria.
They looked up and gave me the rates for France and Switzerlnd,
then asked where else I called.
I reiterated that I call Austria.
So the telemarketer asks:
“You call Europe AND Austria?”
Me: “Yup. At the same time.”
I’ve worked in the retail industry for twenty-two years (yeah, I know: a job that requires I wear a name badge. haha.), so I’ve heard my share of stupid comments.
But the question that has me shaking my head the most I get every single week:
Customer on phone: “Hullo…what time do you close tonight?”
Me: “5:30.”
Customer: “Uhh, what time is it now?”
Me: “6:00.”
Customer: "…soooooo…you’re closed?"
every single week, man.
:rolleyes:
There was a Kentucky Fried Chicken where I used to live in West Bend, WI… They always screwed up my order but one time they did was the last straw!
I went through the drive through. There were no cars ahead of me or behind me (must of been a slow day). I order a 3 piece dinner. I’m told the total amount was $4.25. I get to the window. The guy tells me I owe $12.44. I tell him that isn’t right. He argues that is what it says on his monitor so it has to be right. I ask why would I pay $12.44 for a 3 piece dinner? He insists my amount to pay is $12.44. The manager comes to the window, as does the woman who took my order over the speaker. They tell him it’s a mistake, that I owe $4.25. He then says “wow. You’re getting a good deal. Only $4.25 for 12 bucks worth of food”. I roll my eyes so far back I can see my brain. :rolleyes: I tell him that I only ordered $4.25 worth of food. He then asks me why the display read 12.44? "How the @#%! should I know?!" I scream. I receive my box of chicken. Just to make sure he didn’t screw my order up I open it…only two pieces! I tell him that I ordered a 3 piece meal, but there are only 2 pieces in the box. The genius says
[quote]
“you owe us a peice of chicken then, seeing we gave you one too many”.
What is this guy, retarded? I owe THEM chicken?
I moved 35 miles away the next month.
From my Mickey D’s days:
“Hey, what’s in that Bacon, Egg, and Cheese biscuit anyway?”
Years ago, I worked in a drive-through gas station. I had to do two consecutive shifts (close and open again six hours later), and since home was a 45 minute hike away (no car in those days), I elected to catch a few hours shut-eye behind the cooler overnight. About three in the morning (we closed at midnight), I hear the switch come on for a pump (we had the tank pumps shut off so no gas would be dispensed, but when someone turned on a dispenser, it would click a relay in the building). I didn’t bother to check it out. The property was in pitch darkness, the pumps put out no gas, the displays were invisible (not to mention blank), and we had the “Closed” sign in the window. To all appearances, the place was deserted.
The relay clicks off. Clicks on. Off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on-off-on. Then the horn starts honking. Finally, the car pulls up to the pay window, and the guy starts yelling. It’s obvious he’s not leaving, so I (with my entire 1 hour of sleep) finally get up and open the window.
“You guys have a PA system in there, right?” he demands to know.
“Yes, we do,” I mutter groggily.
“And you don’t even have the f*ing courtesy to tell people you’re closed!? Ahole!”
Exit with screeching tires.
Maybe it was just me, but I thought it would have been kind of obvious…
I recently saw this transaction (which actually happened to me) play out on some TV show recently, so apparently it’s happening everywhere.
Now that movie theaters and fast food restaurants have done away with refering to their snacks with the traditional “small medium large” and prefer instead to call everything “large, super-size, jumbo-mega, etc.” , ordering a “small” will usually get you the “We don’t have a small size.” Then try to explain that due to the inherently relative nature of sizes one of their beverages is in fact the small one, despite what the employee handbook says it’s called and…
Actually, don’t waste your time. Just call the smallest drink available the large and go see the movie. 2+2=5.
When I was really little and on one of those “what is this, why is this, etc.” kicks i got all het up and ended with “Is this my hand?” My mom still uses that to tease me when I say something stupid.
Like the time I was really jonesing for my favorite breakfast and nowhere else was opened so I walk into a kosher deli asking “Can I get a sausage, egg and cheese sandwich?”
I think I win. These are all things I have persoanlly said at one time or another:
(profoundly) “Wouldn’t it be…weird if somebody dies of…death?”
(talking to a friend who had a metal rod put into her back for scoliosis)
“So, what did they do with your spine when they took it out?”
“What time is the 11:00 quaker meeting again?”
Chloe:“Lorna, did you know babies are born without ears?”
Me:“Really?”
Chloe:“Yeah, they just have flaps of skin that bloom inot ears after a few weeks.”
Me: Whoah!!!Wait…you’re kidding, right?
Chloe: Yes.
(several weeks later relating the above conversation to my friend laura)
Me: i’m so stupid. i actually beleived her about the ears…
Laura: well, of course people ae born with ears. The only thing babies dont have are elbow joints!
Me: Wow! I never knew that!
laura: yeah, it’s true
Its a vicious cycle…
my gullibility and blondeness often catch up with me. I think i am the high school girl AETBOND417 was talking about.
I’ve got two:
I used to work at Domino’s Pizza, and when I was taking a phone order the guy asked “How big is a sixteen-inch pizza?” I found out later that the correct answer is “Oh, about four inches bigger than a foot.”
While playing Trivial Pursuit with my family, my mother got the question “What canal is also the name of a Greek god spelled backwards?” She said “Panama.” My brother and I looked at each other and immediately offered up prayers to almighty Amanap.