The Epic Saga of a Father's Death

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Well first of all, you’re telling me to relax two and a half weeks after I said those things. :slight_smile: And secondly, there is no estate. I know it’s a convoluted story and I don’t expect people to read the whole thread, but the issue is that there’s the life insurance, and there’s the house Barbara isn’t moving out of. So if most of the insurance is going to Barbara, and I can’t sell the house, then where is that money supposed to come from? This is not a normal situation and does not have a normal solution.

There have actually been further developments that are pushing me deeper into a hole, but I didn’t update the thread because I was actually glad it had died a slow death. If people are interested I may share those, or eh, I may not, I don’t know.

62

I, for one, would like to hear how this develops.

It seems to me that the death certificate has been filled out fraudulently. That by itself would be enough for me to start fighting, regardless of any money to be had. Birth and death records are forever, and whether or not your father developed a marital relationship with his ex’s mother is the sort of thing his great-grandchildren deserve to be able to find the truth about.

I still think this sounds like an Andy and Aunt Bea kinda thing, and that putting down “spouse” on the death certificate was a purposeful fraud to gain ownership of the house.

I also think that they probably didn’t consider how much pain it would cause to you and his mother to be told that such a thing had been kept from them. Get a lawyer, and make sure that death certificate is filled out honestly, if nothing else.

I’m not saying they’re bad people, I’m just saying that in the heat of the moment, they lied to try and maintain control of your property.

63

I think you’re looking at it incorrectly. They weren’t lying to the state when they filled out the death certificate; they were lying to us for 20 years. I’m honestly not sure which one is worse, but all signs point to the fact that they were in fact living as husband and wife, in a different state from the family, and just didn’t tell us about it. So, I hear where you’re coming from, because that was my first thought when I saw the death certificate, but now that the truth has been exposed, I see that it was us who were the foolish ones, and there isn’t much I can do about it.

So, fast forward to today: the new development is that the insurance claim had been sent from his employer to the insurance company (it was done on 11/18) so now they have 30 days to process and mail the checks. All is good, right? Okay, I’m only getting 10%, but that’s what Dad wanted and I’ll just have to live with that and get over the deceit in my own time, right? So I call the insurance company. Just want to make sure nothing nefarious is going on, you understand. I’m moving in two months and wondered if it would reach me before then; it would be nice to use the money for the moving expenses.

“Sorry, we don’t show you listed as a beneficiary.”
“What?”
“Yeah, you’re name’s not on here. We can’t tell you who is listed, but it’s not you. Were you expecting something?”
A beat of silence.
“I was told I was getting 10%, but if I’m being honest I was expecting a lot more.”
“Well I’m sorry, sir. You’re just not listed here.”
“Okay, I guess that’s that, then.”

So, now I’m trying to wrap my head around this new twist. Knee-jerk reaction: Barbara is busted and I’m calling a lawyer and she’s going down in flames. But wait a minute. Why would she tell me I’m getting more than I’m listed to get? That doesn’t make any sense. I could see it if she was like, “Yeah dude, I’m getting 80%” and the insurance company was like, “No, you’re listed as 100%”. Then it would seem like she was lying and I would be talking to a lawyer at this very moment. But why tell me I’m listed as 10% if I’m not on there at all? She’s either genuinely mistaken, or he changed it later and didn’t tell her.

The other development is that I discovered he had a 401(k). There’s not a whole lot in it, but about 60% of it was withdrawn last week. So that seems shady AF, but then again, if she’s listed as his wife (and for all intents and purposes, was) then I suppose she has every right to do that. So that’s where we stand now, and I haven’t slept in a month.

64

How did you know about the 80-20 split of the insurance? Was it from a document or did Barbara mention it? If she just mentioned it, perhaps your dad told her at one time and there was a miscommunication. Maybe she thought the 20% was to be split between you and her daughter, but it sounds like the document says something different. Or your dad may have intended to change the insurance but never got around to it.

The 401k money may have instantly transferred to Barbara upon his death. Quite often, investment accounts list beneficiaries for who gets the money upon death. If that’s the case, it is not part of the estate. The same goes for IRAs and other investments. If you have your own investment/retirement accounts, you can set that up as well (which you should). You can list multiple people and say each one gets a different percent. It streamlines the probate. It’s to save the step of putting in your will “Soandso gets the value of my 401k”.

65

She told me that. We’ve spoken twice since he died (and not for 20 years before that). The first time we spoke, she, without prompting, said “…and he had a life insurance policy that was for x amount of dollars, and I’m on there for 80% and you and Julia split the other 20%…”, and then she was off on another topic. We were all in shock so I didn’t ask questions at the time, but that was the first inkling I had that something was amiss here; why would he leave her 80% if they weren’t married?

But his employer (a big company you’ve heard of) wouldn’t tell me anything until the insurance company got the claim. This past week they finally got it, so they told me what number to call at the insurance company, so I did, and that’s when they told me they don’t see me listed at all. I would love to see a document, but trying to get information from them when you’re not on the claim… well, you know how that goes.

66

This is a whole different level of crazy. Is it worth it to have a lawyer review everything? I hope you are feeling a bit better.

67

I believe the executor owes you paperwork showing where all of this money is going, copy of the will, etc. Also is there any proof like a marriage certificate that shows they were married. Honestly if you don’t want to deal with this hire an attorney that will.

68

If the house was in your father’s name only (which the deed in the county land records would show*), then the house is part of the estate. Ditto the 401(k) if it was solely in his name, with no named beneficiary.

Anyway, the executor should be handling the paying of any bills - as legal representative of the estate, the executor is the responsible party. Other than your (voluntary) decision to reimburse your grandmother, you shouldn’t be on the hook for anything. Anything you choose to pay on behalf of the estate, the executor may or may not be required to reimburse you - probably the latter.

There’s probably some order mandated in the law in which the position of executor is offered to the decedent’s relatives when there’s no will. I don’t know what order it puts you and Barbara and Julia in. But you can respectfully decline the (dubious, in this case) honor, and my advice would be for you to do so if the opportunity should arise for you to become executor. Being executor would place you in a bind, with the bills coming to you, and your having no control of or access to the assets. Let Barbara and Julia deal with it.