The Eye!!!!

So, I have a tumor in my left eye. It’s tiny, and benign. The doc said it’s really not a big deal, he just wants to check it about once a year.

I know I may never loose my eye, but I’m also aware that there’s that possibility. I like my eye, I’m rather attatched to it. It’s nice and spherical, and a pale greenish-grey (not the whole eye, then I’d be worried) Even though the possibility of wearing an eye patch all the time and basking in the light of mighty pirateness sounds good, I’m still a little scared.

(note: I’ve known about this for years, but the fact that I’ve been having frequent eye infections has kind of brought it to the front of my mind as of late)

So, are there any one-eyed dopers out there who might be able to tell me a little bit about how it would affect my life? Or where I might be able to find a cheap parrot that will wear a bandana?

This is really all I know about the lifestyle:
Pirate patch

No drivers liscense (is this true?)

Your friend,
Cap’n GG BD

I have a close friend who lost his eye in college. They replaced it with a hand-painted glass eye, and I never knew it was prosthetic until he told me. It matches perfectly, and it moves with the other one.

Here’s hoping you keep it, though…

Oh, and he has a driver’s license. He’s a shitty driver, but I don’t think that has anything to do with the eye. :slight_smile:

My Uncle Jack has been a one-eyed individual for nearly seventy years (he had a childhood accident with a stick). He once told me that the only real disadvantage is that he can’t enjoy 3D movies.

I doubt that there will be any problem with the driver’s license. As long you pass the visual acuity test, they don’t care how many eyes you have.

I’ve got a childhood friend who was blind (from birth) in one eye. I think she needed to put an extra side-view mirror on her car, or something. But yeah, she got her license.

Question. Will it be hard to drive, though? I’ve heard that the loss of one eye makes depth perception almost impossible.

You know, you could really have a lot of fun, with having just one eye. Instead of an ordinary glass eye, you could get a custom made one that was really funky. You know, with like a clock in it, mirrored, red flashing LED, or that had some kind of wacky message on it. If you’re being screwed over at work, you could pop it out and ask the boss just to skull fuck you, since your ass was getting sore. At parties, you could drop it in people’s drinks and watch them freak out. (Be really cool to make finger foods that looked like eyeballs and then put your glass eye in with them, to see how long it took for someone to find it.) :smiley:

DarkSideoftheFloyd, I’ve been told by people who were blind in one eye that they don’t have much problem with depth perception as one might think. The brain quickly learns to pick out visual cues which compensate for it.

My dad lost one eye to retinal cancer at age 50-ish. It didn’t slow him down hardly at all. He still drove fine. In fact, after a suitable recover period, the FAA let him go back to work flying 747s, which he did for another 10 years with one eye. You can live a very normal life with one eye.

He did give up motorcycle riding because he was concerned that if he got anything in his good eye, he’d be unable to see to stop the bike. Behind a windshield in a car he was OK, but he wasn’t going to risk getting a bug or some grit blown in under his helmet’s faceshield. I bet he had a couple close calls before he came to that conclusion though.

FYI, the binocular-vision-for-depth-perception thing works out to about 15 feet. After that, human depth perception is almost entirely a function of object clarity, foreground-occludes-background & other essentially monocular visual processing functions.

The loss of visual field is far more of an issue for day to day activities. He found that by pointing his head 10-20 degrees to the blind side he got essentially the same useful field of view as normal. He did have to be careful about deliberately looking over his shoulder, which was a strain to twist that far on the blind side.

The loss of depth binocular depth perception IS significant at close ranges. He spilled a lot of water refilling glasses which were a couple inches away from where he thought they were. But he learned little workarounds for that, like grasping the glass with the other hand. Some adaption to lousy close-in depth perception is needed, but overall it’s not a big deal.

Now the downside.

His tumor was malignant & he/they left the eyeball in place after they irradiated it to kill the tumor, which also killed the optic nerve & the vision. The eye looked OK, it just didn’t work anymore. At the time that was standard practice. The glass eyes weren’t as trouble free as all that, and the eye’s enough of a self-contained system that the medical opinion was there was not much to be gained by pulling the eye out & installing a prothesis.

15 years later a small chunk of that tumor metastized to his guts & killed him over the course of a year or two.

Moral of the story: don’t take chances with a malignant mass anywhere in the body. Overreaction is barely enough. Benign is a different matter, provided the diagnosis is certain.

My advice based on my vicarious experience: Do the appropriate thing for the cancer treatment, whatever that may be, but err on the side of caution. Don’t sweat the mono vision thing. It’s a minor pain in the ass every day, but not much more than that. Don’t let yuor concern over vision loss turn into a way to rationalize less-than-agressive medical intervention when it’s needed.

Cheap parrots are easy to find, every bird club and bird rescue organization has a few. However, placing a cheap parrot on your shoulder can lead directly to eyepatches. Parrots sometimes lose their balance, and will grip anything handy with that scary beak. Eyesockets are awfully handy.
Convincing the parrot to wear a bandana is a direct function of the quality of your relationship with said parrot. Some will do anything for a laugh, most grey parrots would be mortified at the suggestion. I know a large greenwing macaw who would be willing to wear a baby bonnet, but this is perhaps not the image you wish to project.

Sorry, Cap’n. Still, think of the great stories you can make up. “Yaar! Me mincer? Lost it off o’ Cape Horn, burnish me buttocks. Me scurvy crew was gettin’ all restless like, the mutinous dogs, on account o’ not havin’ taken the Spanish Plate Fleet out o’ Maracaibo. Mutiny, is it, ye thankless cuttlefish?, sez I. Aar! they roars! A new cap’n sez we all, and ye can kindly step off on yon deserted isle and take yer chances wi’ the Savages! A pox on ye all, ye lubbers, sez I, and splinter me sphincter if they didn’t row me ashore wi’ nowt but a bottle o’ rum and a blade o’ fine Toledo steel. Rot yer insides, roars I. Will ye set a man ashore an’ not give him the courtesy o’ a pistol an’ shot, ye spineless jellyfish? The first mate, a sly an’ schemin’ rascal whose liver an’ lights I later had the pleasure o’ inspectin’ close-up like, sneers that ye’ll not be needin’ those, Cap’n {an’ wi’ that he doffs his tile an’ sweeps me a bow, like some mincin’ Italian dancin’ master, all sardonic like}, on account o’ the Cannibals what infests these uncharted shores. One shot’ll not serve to discourage the likes o’ them, to my way o’ thinkin’ - unless ye’re plannin’ to take yer own life, and a sin before God that would be, the rogue smirks. I’ll not give ye the satisfaction, ye poxed pimp, sez I, through gritted teeth. I’ll see ye dance the Tyburn jig at the end o’ a good hemp rope yet, murder me mother if I don’t. An’ wi’ his partin’ jibes still burnin’ in me ears, an’ the mutinous knaves rowin’ out o’ sight, bugger me bishop if a band o’ Dusky Heathen doesn’t come a swarmin’ out o’ the trackless jungle, all rollin’ eyes an’ chants o’ godless mischief. Right, sez I…”

Bah, the pirate angle is so last millennium.

Now, the head-of-the-old-Norse-pantheon angle, that’s something else entirely.

Ooh! You could get a fake eye that looked like a little mini disco ball! That would be awesome!

And also, now that I get a good mental picture, creepy as hell. But cool and shiny!

I should think it would make it literally impossible.

This was going to be a really long post but I decided to cut it way short. I was diagnosed in 1992 with an orbital tumor (Optic Gleeoma(sp?) O/S) and I have been facing the same thing as you, that one day I will wake up blind in my left eye.

Feel free to send me an email and I will gladly trade info with you (unclviny at hotmail dot com).

Glass eyes are really cool now, I looked at an 8 ball one, a faux fish tank one and several that were all glittery (kinda disco ballish).

Aaaarrrggghhh!!! matey!

Reminded me of Daniel Day Lewis’ character in Gangs of New York