The Farmer and the Pimp

The Farmer and the Pimp

One day, an elderly farmer drove into the big city, looking to buy some tools. But because of a detour due to road construction he got lost, and found himself driving through the ghetto. Finally, he pulled over next to a man standing on the corner and asked for directions.

“Excuse me; do you know where I can buy a hoe?”

“A ho’? Talk to Leroy, next corner over there.”

So the farmer drove to the next corner, where he saw a black man wearing a long fur coat and gold jewelry. “Are you Leroy?” he asked the man.

“Who’s askin’?” said Leroy.

“I was told I could buy a hoe from you.”

“Hey, now you talkin’! What’chu be looking for?”

“I need a new hoe. The one I’ve got is pretty old and beat up.”

“I got’s what you needs. What color you like?”

“What color? Can be any damn color, I’ve just got some seed I need to plant.”

“I hear that, my man! You looking for by the hour, or for a night?”

“No no, I don’t want to rent one, I want to buy one!”

Buy one, huh? Hmm… I gotta couple in my stable I could let go for the right price.”

“I usually keep mine in a toolshed.”

“Damn, you sho’ know how to keep yo’ bitches slapped down! Ok, tell you what; I got one that’s fine lookin’, be all yours for three grand.”

“WHAT!? Three thousand dollars? That’s ridiculous!”

“That’s the price, my man.”

“Well… what if I paid for just the head?”

“Jus’ head?”

“Yeh, I’ve got a shaft it would fit on.”

“Ain’t we all? I got one, not too good lookin’, but if you be wantin’ head, she do fine.”

“She? She who?”

“The ho’. Name’s Tyleesha.”

“Sounds like there’s a lot of sentimental value. Are you sure you want to sell?”

“Oh no problem, I ain’t used her nearly two years now. You be usin’ her much?”

“I expect I’ll need a hoe for at least a couple of hours every day.”

“Damn, you got some stamina for an old guy!”

“I used to be able to go from sunup 'till sundown; but my arthritis is worse these days.”

“Ok, I letchu have Tyleesha for five hundred.”

“WHAT? That’s still way too much!”

“Hey, you the one needs a ho’ that bad. Take it or leave it!”

The farmer drove away in disgust. Eventually he did find the hardware store, got the hoe he was looking for, and drove home.

A few weeks later, the farmer’s purebred siamese cat had kittens, and he advertised them for sale. A black man showed up at his door, saying he’d heard he could get some pussy there; but that’s another story.