The Fat Moronic Bitch Who Bumped My Brand New Car

The BBQ Pit
1

First of all, let’s review some history…I’ve had terrible luck when it comes to cars.

My first car was a used 87 Mustang sedan that leaked oil and had ominous electrical problems.

My second car was a 95 Dodge Neon that ran so great, I wound up keeping it for five years, despite the fact that it put a crimp in my sex life…a guy driving a Neon is less likely to get laid than a guy who just got released from prison, I have found.

My third car was a 2001 Mustang, almost brand-new. I had it for about a year before some piece-of-shit lowlife Snoop Dogg lookalike in a stolen car hit me head-on and utterly destroyed it.
I’d like to find that fucker right now and shove toothpicks into his eyeballs, but he’s serving a 20-year sentence in a federal pen (he was on the run from the cops for various other crimes when he collided into me).

My replacement for this car was a brand-spanking-new 2002 Mustang, 16 miles on the odometer. I was overjoyed when I bought it; it was technically the first new car I’ve ever owned. Beautiful color too, mineral grey.

I’ve had this car for six months. In hindsight, I realized I was due for one of Fate’s inevitable assfucks.

I was driving in fairly mild traffic last Sat. when I suddenly felt a slight bump on the right hand side of my car, that sort of alarming tap you get during very mild fender-benders. I looked over my shoulder and saw…

…well, what did I see? Surely she was a member of the human race, though I now doubt it.

It was a hugely obese, skanky, horrifically ugly woman driving a crappy red minivan. Apparently she had been trying to merge into my lane, and I guess she just overlooked the fact that I was driving alongside of her.

I pointed to the side of the road, indicated that she should pull over so we could exchange insurance info…and then I pulled in front of her, drove about 50 feet, stopped, put the hazards on, and looked in my rear-view…

…only to see that she wasn’t behind me.

I looked over into the traffic. She had merged over into the farthest lane and was slowly accelerating…glancing at me the entire time. In the passenger seat was a equally fat but much younger woman I’d assume was her daughter. I caught a glimpse of several children in the backseat, undoubtedly misbegotten and doomed spawn who have a life of misery and human failure to look forward to.

*She’s fucking driving away! * I thought madly.

But the traffic progress was so slow (there was a intersection ahead, and the light had just turned green, so everybody was just starting to go) that I jumped out of my car. Even in the farthest lane, she was only about 40 feet away, and I craned my neck to get a good look at her license plate…

AND SHE DIDN’T HAVE A FUCKING LICENSE PLATE!

I watched as she sped away. She kept looking over her shoulder at me with an expression that fearful.

“YOU GODDAMNED FUCKING FAT BITCH!” I screamed.

I knew I was screwed. Even if I jumped back in my car, the traffic was so thick and slow that by the time I jumped back into the flow, she’d be gone. I drove home instead, and filed a proper report with the police. Later, I went out and got extremely drunk and rather nasty with people who tried to sympathize.

The damage? Two small dents above the right back wheel. No loss of paint, but pulling the dents (which are right on a crease) will cost about 500 bucks.

But why do these people BREED? This gigantic, glanduar-disadvantaged whore is going to begat many gigantic, glandular-disadvantaged spawn who will use their short, pathetic lives to talk aloud in movie theatres, harrass gas station attendents, collect welfare, serve prison sentences for drug usage, and drive away from car accidents.

Or maybe it’s just me. Considering my track record, perhaps I should give up the idea of owning a Mustang, and buy a Jetta instead?

2

So… let me get this straight…

The reason this woman crashed into you was because she was fat and ugly?

3

My sympathies are extended, Sir. My beloved truck is apparently an asshat magnet, as I’ve been rear ended thrice, and have had front end encounters with Bambi and Goofy.

Continue to lobby the Secretary of Transportation for laser guided roof mounted weaponry with a driver accessible heads up display. An Exocet missile would have gotten her to stop. :smiley:

4

Keith hon, let me give you a tip:

I sympathize about your car. I really do. It sucks to get hit. It sucks that the woman drove away. It sucks that she had no licence place. It sucks that you’re going to have to cover your deductable yourself.

All of these things, however, have no relation, whatsoever, to the woman’s size. None. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

Frankly, pointing out her large size adds nothing to your rant. It just makes you appear ignorant. Sizest. Like a jerk. Your implication that her size is somehow related to her socio-economic status is equally damning.

Now. You’ve been around here a few months. Surely you’ve read a thread or two. Fat bashing is not cool. It’s not cool here, and it’s not cool in real life.

If you would like to try again with your rant, and omit the completely unrelated facts about this woman’s appearance, I’m sure you’ll get a much more favorable, sympathetic response.

Really.

So. To sum up. Shitty about your car. The woman is a bitch. Not because she’s fat.

K?

5

Well, this is a new record. Exactly one post required to point out what a horrible fat basher the OP is.

6

Who pointed that out Lizard?

7

Oh, I see. There’s no such thing as “implicit” information here.

8

Nope.

You’re clearly reading too much into some of the posts.

9

Well, had the OP title read “The Vegan Moronic Bitch Who Bumped My New Car…” or “The PC Owning Moronic Bitch Who Bumped My Brand New Car…” or whatever non-relevant detail about the moronic bitch, I’m sure there’d be someone quickly pointing that their veganism or PC-owning really had nothing to do with the fact that they were asshole enough to bump a car and run away, right?

10

How about if the OP had been “The Black Moronic Bitch” or “The Hispanic Moronic Bitch” or “The Gay Moronic Bitch” or “The WASP Moronic Bitch”.

It’s not cool to slag on people because of their size. It’s a weak way to argue. The OP would have been perfectly understandable, and a lot more sympathetic to read if Keith had just omited all references to the woman’s apperance.

It has no bearing on the outcome of the story and it’s hurtful to a great many people who wouldn’t dream of doing what the woman in the OP did.

Got it?

11

No, I’m not. I’m reading them for exactly what they are: moralizing over the OP’s choice of terms.

To follow: The moralists turn on Lizard for daring to imply that the OP has a right to dislike anyone for any reason. yosemitebabe is already there.

12

Sizest? Is this a relatively new term?

I understand what you’re saying, Alice, but can only agree with it to a certain point. I would think that allowing the freedom to trash people on their characteristics while tsk-tsking when there’s something negative said about their appearance is a bit too politically correct and somewhat contradictory.

As for the conclusions that posters draw from reading such remarks, well, they’re going to do that no matter what I write.

Lastly, concerning the girth of this so-called human female. She wasn’t just fat. She was morbidly obese. We all pack on a few pounds every so often, god damn it…but not all of gain 500 pounds from overeating. Sorry. No sympathy. And yes, when a person allows themself to get that large, I do think it is a reflection on their personality…just as a person who starves themself in the interest of looking “sexy” is equally a moron.

13

Oh sorry, alice. You’re already there too.
Beware! Speech Police on the prowl!

14

Lizard I’m not a moralist.

I didn’t slag the OP. I didn’t call him names. I didn’t suggest that he kicks puppies and hits little kids.

I just pointed out that in this neighbourhood fat bashing is just as unacceptable as race bashing, religion bashing, sexual orientation bashing, etc. Tolerance is the name of the game.

If you want to turn that into me moralizing, then clearly you’ve been on the wrong side of this issue too many times and you’re feeling overly sensitive.

Noone has said anything particularly nasty to the OP.

Do you understand this?

15

Nice try, but you’re not going to turn this into a thread about me. You clearly said the following about the OP:

“particularly nasty” is a pretty vague term. But you hardly sound like you want to invite the OP over for cookies. And yes, this is the very epitome of moralizing. People who moralize are moralists. This means you.

And trying to draw some bullshit parallel between this and racism is pretty weak. People are born black. Nobody is born fat. Hear that? It’s your analogy imploding.

As for “tolerance,” I hardly think lecturing people about their choice of words qualifies. Apparently “tolerance” only counts if it’s sentiments you agree with.

16

Better to be a fat bitch than a fat headed moron prick like you, shallowina.

You have now set the bar so low I don’t think slugs could get under it.

The grave you’ve dug for yourself is now at nine feet.

You are a month past your freshness date and your IQ still hasn’t surpassed your shoe size.

Now… find your rock and crawl under it.

17

Well… no one had said anything nasty.

:smiley:

18

I’m assuming by this rather unpleasant and immature post that you yourself are extremely overweight?

19

No, and I also don’t judge people on their appearance, nor do I use any prejudice that I may have to defame someone who has done something to me.

You are hardly the one to speak of maturity.

You are shallow, base, and nakedly bigoted.

Why you even bothered to put such an OP on this board, especially after recent threads on the very topic of weight shows that you are either astoundingly stupid or incredibly asinine.

20

I don’t judge people on the basis of a few posts, posts that are more designed to vent and express discontent than they are for people to take seriously.

You are hysterical, ludicrous, and nakedly neurotic.

The fact that you bothered to even respond to my posts, considering that you aimed to start an argument from the beginning, shows that you have very little of a life and even less self-esteem.