The FBI is on the case in Nigeria

Well, it must be! Right? When one receives an urgent message from “ROBERT S. MUELLER (F.B.I GOVERNOR) WASHINGTON D.C <fbisecuritymailerbox12@earthlink.net>” – an email with the arresting headline: “[!! SPAM] OFFICIAL LETTER FROM THE F.B.I OFFICE WASHINGTON D.C”.

Um, er, that “spam” bit was added by my antivirus – but what does it know? How can it comprehend the importance of a message like this?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hasten, nay, rush to carry out these vital instructions and do my patriotic bit to stop those evil Nigerian scammers!

I find it hysterical that they want a scan of the international drivers license … I have one, it is simply a heavy paperstock folder with the information from the regular drivers license copied into the right blanks, not even a picture. I got mine made at AAA here in Hartford …

How fun would it be to send a scan of one where you carefully edited out the original data and put in pure bullshit info =)

Man, I can’t even get a pinky wave from Cecil Adams, and you merit the personal attention of Robert freaking Mueller!

Scum of the fucking earth. (the Nigerians, not you) They clearly have internet access, why aren’t they busy creating the next Google or taking online courses in medicine and law so they can make their shithole of a country a better place instead of putting all their time and energy trying to sucker people into scams?

Yeah yeah it’s all good for a laugh to us but it just bugs me when people waste their lives as parasites instead of trying to work for something better for themselves.

What kind of evil, heartless, capitalist SOB are you? Don’t you know that progress and development in Africa is impossible due to centuries of exploitation by white European colonial policies?

You should feel priveleged to give up the cash you have stolen from the masses (by pandering to the commands of the running-dog ruling class oligarchs!) and donate it to the Africans suffering from centuries of oppression!

But no! Selfish capitalists like you force these poor Nigerians to resort to degrading scams and schemes instead of just having money bequeathed to them as is their due.

“The name’s Spondular. Crandal Spondular. I’m with the FBI.”

Yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before: it’s the white man’s fault and they really have no other choice, the poor victims that they are. I am guessing this post is meant tongue-in-cheek and you understand the problem with this viewpoint.

Ooh, I got this one too! I was saving it, hoping I could think of a way to fuck with them, but Hotmail deleted it automatically after seven days. I weep for the lost opportunities.

Oh, and this is apropos of absolutely nothing, but whenever I play NHL 08 on Dynasty Mode, my GM’s name is always Crandall Spondular.

Well, dayyum… Now the Benin Republic is getting into the act!

Although their level of sophistication leaves something to be desired:

More importantly, are the FBI investigating this Nigerian crime?

I got this gem today:

Attn:Sir/ma.

How are you today and hope all is well with you and family?You may not
understand why this mail came to you,but i will implore you to take your time
to carefully go through this mail.
We have been having a meeting for the pass 7 months which ended 4 days ago at
our office head quarters New York(UNITED NATIONS). This email is to all the
people that feel they have been scammed in any part of the world,the UNITED
NATION have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$ 100,000.

This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their
contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or
international businesses that failed due to Government problems etc.

We found your name in our list and that is why we are contacting you,this have
been agreed upon and has been signed. You are advised to contact Mr. Jim Ovia of ZENITH BANK NIGERIA PLC, as he is our representative in Nigeria, contact him immediately for your Cheque/International Bank Draft of USD$ 100,000. This funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose OK? so he will send it to you and you can clear it at any bank of your choice.

Therefore, you should send him your full Name and telephone number/your correct
mailing address where you want him to send the Draft to you.

Contact:Mr. Jim Ovia immediately for your Cheque:
Person to Contact Mr. Jim Ovia

Thanks and God bless you and your family.Hoping to hear from you as soon as you
cash your Bank Draft.

Making the world a better place.

Regards,
Mr. Kofi Anan
Former Secretary (UNITED NATIONS).
GOOD NEWS FROM UNITED NATIONS

I’m just happy to know the FBI cares about my good state of mind and health. They had me worried.

Holy crap, that’s hilarious.

Let’s just hope the bad guys here don’t figure out how to do that. :eek:

Well in some parts of the southeastern US or Mexico goat is considered a great meat for BBQ.
Just saying…

Now, that’s my kind of due process!

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. :smiley: