Fortunately, ETF is an experienced cat wrangler, always dressed in hairball-proof garments. The unsightly mess is removed from the map before it can stain and obliterate more than a small portion.
Unfortunately, that portion is the exact location of the treasure trove.
Fortunately, Diceman believes he can remember fairly well what the last stage of the trek should be, so our merry band of troublemak… er, ah, adventurers sets out once more across the vast Plains of Ogramorg, headed toward the River of Giant Leeches and the dark, brooding Foothills of Breathlessness beyond.
Unfortunately - the Foothills of Breathlessness cause the entire party to lose their breath. The ability to breathe thus misplaced, the fall down unconscious one by one.
Fortunately, a blast of air roars down from the Mountains of Honkin Huge Winds that lie beyond the Foothills of Breathlessness. The gale revives everyone, and they scurry up and out of the foothills while it still blows.
Unfortunately, norinew has been overcome by fumes from her Clorox Map Cleaner and Barf Remover™ and even the gale can’t revive her; she has to be carried to the safety of the mountains by BigDaiv and Gmork.
Fortunately, BigDaiv & Gmork are completely up to this task and norinew is safely carried to the mountains, where she is revived by RCracer’s ‘Revivo-Plus’ solution.
Unfortunately, some of the ‘Revivo-Plus’ solution gets on ETF and Diceman and they become hyperactive and excited, annoying the rest of the group no end - as they are quite tired from carrying people, being carried and watching people carry people.
Fortunately, norinew has some Extra-Strength Kava Kava capsules in her backpack, so when no one’s looking, she empties several capsules into ETF’s and Diceman’s coffee cups, calming them down quickly, and saving everyone from feeling homicidal towards the two.
Unfortunately, just as Gmork grabs the bag of supplies, the crevasse’s walls crumble, sending norinew and [pb]BigDaiv**, who’ve been holding the other end of the rope, tumbling down upon the hapless Gmork.
Fortunately, the bottom of the crevasse is quite shallow, filled with soft, cushiony snow, and the adventurers are unhurt. They’re able to walk out of the nearby end of the crevasse and rejoin their companions.
Unfortunately, Gmork dropped the supply bag in the scramble, and a further collapse of the crevasse buries it beyond retrieval. The party is left with two bags of Doritos, a sack of jerky sticks, and five pounds of maple-flavored instant oatmeal.
Fortunately, just at that moment RCracer, who’d somehow become separated from the group, staggers in with a Thanksgiving dinner – turkey and all the trimmings! Enough for the whole crowd, plus leftovers for breakfast for the next three days! Much merriment and gluttony ensue.
fortunately no one does get salmonella because they were only in danger of it not getting it and the powers of probability meant the whole group got away not at all however the Spanish Inquisistion all get salmonella and the gang are out of Clorox Map Cleaner and Barf Remover™ …
Fortunately, RCracer reappears once again and manages to deflect the lethal hairball by incredibly diving over the map and taking the painful weight (and stench) of the hairball, saving ETF and the map.
Unfortunately, due to all the stomach acid (?) on the hairball the hairball scorches RCracer’s skin exposing his stomach, liver and so on.
Fortunately, RCracer manages to survive his burns and exposed internal organs for an incredibly stupid reason.
Unfortunately, a pack of flesh-eating hyenas come laughing their way towards RCracer and feast on his stomach, liver and so on.
Fortunately, the hyenas end up with food-poisoning because of that home-made fruit cake that I ate earlier.
Unfortunately…I have no internal organs left…
Fortunately, a life saving doctor just happens to be nearby and so fixes me up with a new improved stomach, liver and so on (and a new brain for some reason), and so the quest can continue along with the aid of the new, super-improved, ultra-deluxe…RCracer!
Unfortunately I then drop dead for obvious reasons…
But fortunately, since you’re just a bunch of electrons anyway, rebooting the thread revives you, and you’re ready for the group’s continuing quest for the Treasure of the Sierra Padre.
Unfortunately, the map has once again been stained by regurgitation, this time from the Spanish Inquisition, and the best efforts of norinew to cleanse it still leave significant portions of the trek ahead uncertain. But hey – when did that ever stop our merry band?
Fortunately, the first part of the route – across the Mouintains of Honkin’ Huge Winds through the Pass of Acrophobia, and on to the Savannah of Sabertoothed Carnivores, is still legible.
Unfortunately, the first part of the route – across the Mouintains of Honkin’ Huge Winds through the Pass of Acrophobia, and on to the Savannah of Sabertoothed Carnivores, is still legible.
But fortunately, our intrepid little band of explorers finds a river that flows in the same general direction, and there is a large raft tied up along the riverbank.
Unfortunately, iin the scramble to get everybody aboard, Diceman loses his grip on the steering pole, and it falls into the swiftest part of the river’s current just as the raft drifts away from shore.
