Gmork, having volunteered to go first, steps through the door. Fortunately (there it is!) she doesn’t think think the newest threat to trespassers is quite as nasty as it could be.
Unfortunately, neither does the rest of the group and in their haste everybody rushes forward at once to have their naughty bits nuzzled and soon the collective cry ‘I have fallen and cannot get up!’ can be heard echoing through the caverns.
fortunately (im not going to procrastinate my use of this word) the echoing cry cause the cavern to vibrate, shaking our would be heroes to their feet
Unfortunately, BigDaiv has yet to learn the joys of procrastinating:) so the crew feels compelled to beat him about the head and shoulders in order to teach him a valuable lesson.
Fortunately, many of them find this to be hugely entertaining.
Unfortunately, they realize it’s not as much fun as it would be if they had some good beer.
Fortunately, norinew has a case of Sam Adams in her backpack, and merriment ensues.
Unfortunately, by the time the merriment has died down and the beer is gone, the crew realize that whatever was waiting to nuzzle their naughty bits has given up in disgust and departed.
Fortunately, beyond the door they’d opened they see a vast cavern, with massive granite pillars rising to support a celing lost in the gloom. Torches burn fitfully here and there, giving unsteady illumination that hides as much as it reveals. Is there a glitter, as of gold, in that direction?
It sure does look like it, so our merry drunken band of adventurers walks unsteadily toward the yellow glitter.
As they cross the large cavern, strange rustling noises and barely audible whispers drift out of the darkness. Loneraven and Gmork, who were lagging behind as they continued their metaphysical ponderings, hurry to catch up to the rest of the group.
At the far end of the chamber, the group finds a tattered old curtain. The yellow glitter is coming from behind the curtain. Diceman throws aside the curtain with a dramatic gesture, and the group sees to their delight that it is gold! An entire chest full of old Spanish dubloons sits in a large alcove. Everyone pounces on the treasure and begins to greedily stuff the coins into his or her pockets. Unfortunately, disturbing the treasure has triggered a trap.
Fortunately, the trap is as old and wheezy as the whole idea of a chest of Spanish doubloons, so everyone in the group is easily able to avoid its creaky jaws. ETF does get a small scratch from one of the rusty teeth of the trap’s jaws when she lingers too long over the treasure pile.
Unfortunately, the scratch throbs immediately with a fiery pain – the teeth were poisoned!
Fortunately, norinew has a Universal Antidote™ in her backpack, and ETF is soon restored to her usual health (for what that’s worth).
Unfortunately, all the noise of partying, treasure-exclaiming, doubloon-grabbing, and trap-springing has awakened the dragon that lives in these caverns – and she does NOT like having her nap interrupted! :eek:
Fortunately, the sweet choir of BigDaiv & ETF throw their voices to the heavens in beautiful renditions of both popular and obscure lullabys, and the dragon is lulled back into the Land of Nod.
Unfortunately, through an amazingly-rare-and-actually-scientifically-impossible-phenomenon, our heroes are also sucked into the Land of Nod, which is nothing like they expected and not at all a nice place.
Fortunately, in the Land Of Nod™, our travellers discover the stream that is the source of all “morning breath”; With just a few drops of the “Bad Breath Be Gone” from norinew’s backpack, the stream is restored to it’s long-ago sweetness, and no one ever has morning breath again. For this, our friends are nominated for a Nobel Prize.
Unfortunately, they can’t collect on the prize, since they don’t even know about it, since they are still trapped in the Land Of Nod™.
Fortunately, the group finds a collection of soft, comfy beds to lie down in just as they’re all falling asleep. They awake, refreshed, a week later.
Unfortunately, everyone’s bladder is really full, and there’s no bathroom in sight.
Fortunately, although there is no bathroom in sight - there is an invisible bathroom right by them! It is in fact The Invisible Bathroom™ previously thought to be nothing more than ancient myth born of tribal superstition.
Although they manage to locate The Invisible Bathroom™ through timely use of the Mythical-Things-That-Turn-Out-To-Be-Real Locator™ which, of course, was tucked away safely (not to mention stored correctly!) in the ever-resourceful norinew’s backpack - unfortunately, they were presented with the obvious problems that invisible facilities must inevitably present. Messy ones.
Fortunately, there are also Invisible Janitors to clean up these problems 
Unfortunately, the Nod Historical Society has found out what happened to the Morning Breath Stream. And they’re furious! It turns out that the Morning Breath Stream was a major tourist attraction, which our group has inadvertantly ruined.
[hijack] Diceman just made my day with the idea of the Land of Nod having a Historical Society! I keep imagining them having meetings with everybody just napping round a desk, and walking about the place, trying to keep order at the museam - all in floppy little night-caps…[/hijack]
Fortunately, our group manages to right their terrible wrong in a really ingenious and exciting way which will be described by the next poster.
I can spell museum
Well, guess who just happens to have a bottle of Ingenious, Exciting Morning Breath Restorative and Tourist Attractant™? Yep, that’s right. None other than norinew! Just a few drops into the stream, and it’s even stinkier than before, with new, exciting tourist-friendly picnic tables on the banks!
Unfortunately, the tourists can’t eat at the picnic tables, because they keep falling asleep and falling backwards off of the benches.
Fortunately, the Custodians of Nod (don’t call them janitors, please) have gotten tired of propping everybody back up, and have installed a Wormhole to Wherever™ into which tourists (and our group) tumble after having spent all their money. (There is a cash detector built into the Wormhole.)
Unfortunately, there’s no way to predetermine where any particular group will end up, as the other end of the Wormhole shifts in both space and time in a random pattern.
Fortunately, our group end up in what appears to be a rather lovely alternate dimension.
Unfortunately, the rather lovely alternate dimension is inhabited by a (rather lovely) species of the Carnivorous Wobblies. Who are hungry. (Though in a rather lovely way.)
Fortunately, our group doesn’t taste very good. So the Carnivorous Wobblies, who have lovely, refined tastes, go away after a few tentative nibbles. Only a few of our band have wounds serious enough to need some bandaging from norinew’s ever-helpful backpack.
Unfortunately, the alternative dimension, as lovely as it is, finds our group as a whole not quite to its lovely taste. It contrives to open up another wormhole, and the group is deposited back in the dimension they started from – but on the Savannah of Savage Voles.
Fortunately, the Savage Voles are no longer marauding barbarians. They’ve discovered a far better way to steal people’s money. They run a casino. (They still call themselves the Savage Voles to give the casino an air of danger and mystery, when in fact it’s just a big tourist trap.)
Unfortunately, our group has lost all of their money. The Wormhole to Wherever™ made sure that every last dollar, euro, dubloon, and whatever-else-norinew-had-in-her-backpack was left behind in Nod.
Fortunately, norinew’s ever-resourceful backpack also contained the Disintegrator 3000[TM] which can disintegrate any object of your choice…including messy ones, relieving you of the foul smell and sight.
Unfortunately, the Disintegrator 3000[TM] worked too well and disintegrated itself.
Fortunately, norinew’s ever resourceful backpack also contained the Obliviator Deluxe[TM] which succesfully managed to obliviate the messy ones, without obliviating itself.
Unfortunately, the Obliviator Deluxe[TM] also went and obliviated half of the entire universe, causing time to freeze, and so humanity will forever be stuck in a frozen half-dimension, never aging, never moving, and never living…
Fortunately, in some distant parallel universe, the exact same events have happened apart from the whole time-freezing thingy, so the messy ones have been successfully obliviated, and the fourth dimension is still safe.
Unfortunately, the other three dimensions in this universe are so confused by all the above that they shut down for a week to straighten things out, leving our merry band of adventurers caught in a Warp That Space And Time Forgot™.
Fortunately, when existence as we know it resumes, the crew is sprung from the Warp, landing in an untidy but unharmed heap on an immense fur rug in front of a huge stone fireplace where a giant log is burning cozily.