The funniest greeting cards I've ever seen

In My Humble Opinion
21

[hijack]
seriousart,
Do you have any “Happy Birthday Fiancé” cards in your range??? My fiancé’s birthday was in May, and I went looking for a card for him. I saw cards that were for boyfriends, husbands, lovers, partners and friends, but not one that said fiancé on it. With so many varied cards around these days (Seriously, the range must have at least trebled in the last 20 years), I expected that a card for a special time like engagement would be available. I went to a specialised card shop, a department store and two supermarkets trying to get a “Happy Birthday, Fiancé” card.
[/hijack]

My favourite card that I’ve seen of late had a guy on the front, trying to drag a mule that obviously wasn’t budging. The caption read “Are you going to have a happy birthday…” and on the inside it said “… or do I have to come over there and kick your ass?”. My dear fiancé gave it to his little sister for her 12th birthday. :slight_smile:

I also love the Far Side cards, particularly the one of two deers talking. One has a red target on his chest. The caption says “Bummer of a birthmark, Hal.”

22

In my collection of cards are many I bought on impulse and don’t know who to give them to. I was seriously tempted to send one to my pregnant niece for her 16th birthday. On the outside: A cartoon of a woman and her birthday cake with the heading “Things could be worse…” Inside: “…you could be this old, and a virgin. Happy Birthday!”

I didn’t think it would be appreciated.

23

Hey, the card thread returns!
One of the few areas I can offer up some expertise…

Jadailey, quite possibly yes, some of my stuff may be in the Franklin Planner. All that artwork is pulled from existing cards, kind of a “best of” if you will. The people who design those planners are in another dept, so… all I can say is maybe? Since this thread last appeared I’ve probably done like a hundred more cards, so the odds of people actually finding one, or artwork being used elsewhere, is gradually growing.

FireUnderpantsBoobs “The poorly drawn head” card is a good one. Signed “Revilo” if I’m not mistaken. He’s one of the stars in the department, he’s had his own card line and everything. Little secret, Revilo is just Oliver spelled backwards. (sshhhhh…)

Cazzle, good question about the fiance “caption” as we call it. I don’t think one exists, though I bet we’ve tried. Typically, if a card category, like Fiance for instance, doesn’t sell, they’ll discontinue making them. It’s that whole supply and demand thing. Though, you’d think they would have them, eh? I’ll ask around about that. Otherwise, the logic goes, you’d be covered under “General Birthday” cards or “Love” captions.

I could go on and on about consumer marketing strategy, but I’d bore myself silly, let alone anyone who tried reading it.

Just finished my third straight week of intensive writing/brainstorming new cartoons and writing today, and boy is my brain tired. Looks like a lot of my stuff is gonna be used though, so that’s encouraging.

As far as MY favorite card? That’s a toughy. When you’re around them everyday like I am, it’s like asking a kid at Mc Donalds what his favorite hamburger was…

There’s one card I wrote that’s selling really well, that I think is kinda funny. It’s an cheesy old photo from the fifties of a guy leaning over a piano torwards a woman pianist. I merely supplied the word balloons:

Him: “Excuse me, do you know the ‘Orgasm Song’?”
Her: "No, but if you hum a few bars I’ll fake it."

(Inside just says “happy birthday”)

May not be my funniest card, but I think it’s currently my best selling.

24

I saw one that I’m kicking myself for not buying…it’s got a little kitten sitting in a flower pot on the outside. Inside it simply says “For your birthday, I grew you a cat.”
I was laughing for 20 minutes when I read that.

25

I saw one last week that I loved-- I think it was a Shoebox. It’s a drawing of a woman sitting up in bed, opening a birthday gift from her husband (or boyfriend), who’s sitting on the edge of the bed. She looks completely non-plussed by what’s in the box.

“This is not what I asked for,” she’s saying.

The caption reads (slight paraphrase), “Bob mistakenly thought that Mary asked him to give her an organism.”

26

The front has a pictire of a small child with her finger up her nose…the second knuckle, mind you.

Inside, it simply says…

I picked this one for you.

27

The best card I ever sent was to my brother for his birthday. It was plain white and said in stenciled letters on the front: All-Purpose Generic Greeting Card. Inside, again in stenciled letters, it said: “WHATEVER”.

28

Well, I’ll tell my friend John (who wrote/drew it) you liked it!
Interestingly enough, that card is being pulled from the line because someone at Hallmark (like a secretary or something) was offended by that card and complained to one of the CEOs about it. Evidentally she didn’t notice any of the dozens of other cards that use even more graphic language. Or maybe she just doesn’t like the word “organism”
:rolleyes:

29

My favorite card lately is one I bought my husband for his 40th birthday. The outside has a 1950s looking woman in cat-eye glasses making a great big peee-yoooo face. Open it and it says, “When I asked you to cut one, I meant a piece of cake.”

30

Aw, crap, they’re pulling the organism card?! I hope I can find it again in the next couple of weeks, I’ve got some friends’ birthdays coming up.

I think “organism” is a fine word :wink: