[Quote=winterhawk11]
Toppie Smellie - an old lady from a stuffing commercial in the '70s
[/quote]
Actually, the commercial was for “a shake-n-bake-type coating called Oven Fry.” Someone needs to find a copy of the ad and post it on YouTube so that all such discussions may end with a definitive cite.
I once tutored a boy named…wait for it…drumroll…
Leviticus Lumpkin III
Went by Levi, poor kid.
I also knew:
Mike Griffone (say it out loud)
Emerald Green
Morgan Morgan
Dwashonique
MyOwn
My mother once canceled an appointment to see a Dr. DeMento. I don’t think his name had anything to do with it, but it may have been a safe choice.
While visiting colleges in New England we saw an evening news broadcast featuring Joe Shortsleeve. I’m sure it’s his real name, it just seems very implausible.
I don’t think anybody has mentioned the name of Ima Hogg yet.
So was my sixth-grade teacher, Mrs. Wideman. But none of us ever made a joke about it. :dubious:
For 8th-grade English I had Mr. Cool. He wasn’t.
My fellow student Richie Cunningham insisted on going by Richie, but woe to anyone who made fun of him. 
There’s a psychologist (or something like that) named Dick Passwater. Too bad he’s not a urologist.
Mr. S works with a woman named Creation.
I’m not getting this one. “Jenny Res-” = Generous? But what are “tems”? (Hey, I’ve been up since 4 am, gimme a break.)
A while back former pro wrestler and referee Sonny Fargo died. He and his brother used “Fargo” as their wrestling name. The sound of their real name “The Faggart Brothers” might have made for a few snickers.
Joe Shortsleeve. I love it. He’s Joe Lunchbucket with a community college degree, moved up to the front office.
There is a certain sector of Japanese society that wants to name their kids “English” names either for the coolness factor or to help them in the future. Sadly it usually goes very, very wrong.
There’s a kid who is unfortunately still in my kid’s class called Tomorrow. His kanji is the one for Ashita 明日 but they have made the reading say TO-MO-RO. When my son started kindy at three, he kept coming home and telling me he’d played with Tomorrow. I kept correcting his pronunciation and saying the kid’s name must be Tomorou, which is a standard boy’s name here. On the first parent’s observation class I ended up standing next to Tomorrow’s mum, so just for something to chat about I started off, “You know, my boy thinks your boy is called Tomorrow, not Tomorou! I keep correcting him but don’t children say the silliest things?!” I thought her smile was a bit clipped and she was chilly towards me after that. Another mother grabbed me later and said, “Have you seen the name list?? He really IS Tomorrow!” Ooops. I have since found out that Tomorrow’s younger sister is “Hot”. Because they want foreigners to feel that she is a nice, warm, friendly person when she goes abroad. OMG! I heard this from the mother herself but I just sort of gave a sickly smile and told her that was an interesting thought. How the hell do you tell them what they have done. Now she better just grow up to BE hot or it will be even worse if she is pig ugly!
Other ones I have met in person - all named so that their lives abroad would be easy and smooth. Eifuu and Okuto, whose mother was offended that I had no idea how these names could be English. She explained impatiently that they were named after the months they were born in - Eiipuriru and Okutobaa. They are both boys.
There was another girl born in July (Jurai in a Japanese accent) named Jura (it was all I could do not to ask “as in, …sic Park?”)
But the crowning, most glorious name that my son met a few weeks ago is a boy called “Earth”. Apart from being a dumb name, the Japanese pronunciation is “Arse.”
My friend’s mom is Shannon Shannon.
A local newscaster was Jay Walker.
I also know a Joe Coffey.
Actually, I think Jura sounds like a nice name.
A friend of my mother was Voda Clapsaddle, a name I will always treasure for some reason.
I worked with a Jamaican named Rendell Headcock. He told me that Rendell is a popular condom brand name in Jamaica.
Purely fiction, this one. In one of Tim Dorsey’s books a character identifies himself to a TV reporter as Mr Jablomey. When the reporter naively asks the man his first name the reply is “Heywood”. The reporter then refers to him on air as “Heywood Jablomey”.
Years ago, in a small town I was working in, there was an Electrician of Native American heritage, whose name was Edward Manyhands.
His truck had the very best slogan on it:
Manyhands make light work!
Still brings a smile…
FML
No, that really happened. Not on tv (to my knowledge), but in a newspaper.
Edit: Link
I had ancestors named Junk and ancestors named Skaggs. I’m still a little concerned that we may find an ancestor named Gimmick.
The Chief Minister of Delhi is called Sheila Dikshit.
Unless your name is Tom.
The guy who ran into James Dean was Donald Turnupseed.
I knew a kid named Tony Riggie. Not that funny, but on the student roster, he was listed as “Riggie, Tony”. Still not that funny, but that’s the best I can do.
When I was a kid, our family dentist was Dr. Achen. And yes, he does pronounce it with a long “A”.
In the same office building was an obstetrician named Dr. Love.
I grew up with Dickmans but the irony never dawned on me.
There is/was a Dr. Docter in Madison.
I went to school with some Brodds, one named Harry.
My ma used to teach 6th grade, and one year she had a girl in her class named Scarlett Justice. I thought that was funny as hell, because if you take away the second “T” you’d have a perfect name for an old school comic book super-heroine.
I went to high school with a guy named Perry Queener, and another named Sigman Newman.. And there was a family of hillbilly religious loons in the neighborhood with three kids named Trigger John, Golden Lee, and Dolly Irene.
One time me and some friends were on a road trip in North Cali and stopped to sightsee a scenic older graveyard, where I was stricken with a half-hour-long giggle attack after an encounter with the tombstone of one Yang Oh Bang.
I get it. Like the pasta.
