Rule 26: If one oppositely declares “Opposite Day” by inversely not touching the Opposite Pole, then an aside of Calvinball must be played until the score reaches the inverse of Q to 12.
Rule 27: In the event of ‘Albatross’, play shall proceed sequetially from the Sneep-Weasel.
Rule 28: Anyone found to have a shrubbery who’s birthday is not April 29th will spend four minutes in the poultry box.
Rule 29 and 30: All previous rules are Red Herrings. Only Rules following Rule 30 apply, unless there is sour cream available. Rule 31 may slide either way.
Rule 31 In the event that a shrubbery is present, Rule 30 becomes invalid, and Rule 31 begins a new applebaiting paradigm that shall apply if Mars is bright.
Rule 32: All player found performing differential calculus will be placed in the Not Box pending a lunar eclipse.
Rule 33: Anyone who “bags” a cast member of an HBO program while hunting in the woods gets 30 points, double if with a bow-and-arrow or a cast member of Arli$$, but -60 points if it’s Michael Boatman.
Rule 34 (“The Russell rule”): Any rule that refers to itself or to another rule is null and void.
Rule 35: Everyone must be drunk and naked
Rule 36: Anyone who says any of my three names will instantly have 500 points deducted from their score.
Rule 37: There is no Rule 37.
Rule 38: I don’t want to catch anybody not drinkin’.
Rule 39: No member of the team may maltreat an Applebaiter, unless there’s nobody not watching.
Rule 40: Rules based on Monty Python skits are not allowed.
Rule 41: Rule 40 shall be invalid with the proclamation of Ni!, as this parrot is no more.
Rule 41: After this post, any mentioning of Chocolate Cake, the Pirahna Borthers, or Erich von Stroheim will result in the sayer having to mambo with a drunken policeman.
Rule 43: The second Rule 41 will have it’s name official changed to Rule 42.
Rule 42: Miss Desmond shall attempt suicide if this rule is broken, sir.
Rule 44: Rule 43 shall be disregarded.
Rule 46: Rule 42 shall be treated as Rule 44, and Rule 44 as Rule 45.
Rule 46: Huh
Rule 47: Those who are “it” shall count to three. No more, no less. And the number of their counting shall be equal to three, and three shall be the number they count to. They will not count to four, and they will not count to two, unless they are proceeding to count to three.
Rule 48: Five is right out.
Rule 49: Five is out right only if the forces acting on it are equal to the static friction of the applebaiters.