Rule 97: There will be no sacrifies to Earl Anthony, unless the Red Sox and Giants make it into the World Series.
Rule 98: The arboretum is off-limits to drovers.
Rule 99: In order to play golf, you must be willing to wear plus-fours, and must play a full 18 holes in under 3 hours. If you can do this, however, you win 100 points, and double that if it is snowing or raining.
Rule 100: Anyone found to be following this rule will have broken this rule, and will be subject to herrings that may be red.
Rule 101: In order to score 50 points in the second round, it will be necessary to score 50 points in the third round. If 5o points are not scored in the first round, you must attempt to circum-stop a snarking applebaiter, in which case you will be subject to smelting.
Rule 102:No one can enter the seventh house on Thursdays, under penalty of electroshock.
Rule 103: Enjoy the smooth sounds of Kenny G, only on Rule 103.
Rule 104: Any player found to be in any way encouraging, prolonging or aiding and abetting the audible broadcast of Kenny G will be shot on sight.
Rule 105: Any player who spends any more than 5 minutes per turn in the poultry box on any more than three consecutive turns will be forced to snargle bawdle zouss wrj[pf jwriofo0-sj.
Rule 106: Any player deviated because of Rule 105 shall cvddd grleh fhtagn ia frqqgh blek blek.
Nevertheless, or trenz ucugwo jag scannar. Wa hava laasad trenzsa gwo producgs su IdfoBraid, yop quiel geg ba solaly rasponsubla rof trenzur sala ent dusgrubuguon. Offoctivo granulated pinyatae immoriatoly, hawrgasi pwicos asi sirucor.Thas sirutciun applios tyu thuso itoms ghuso pwicos gosi sirucor in mixent gosi sirucor ic mixent ples cak ontisi sowios uf Zerm hawr rwivos.
Unte af phen neige pheings atoot Prexs eis phat eit sakem eit vory gast te Plok peish ba useing phen roxas (see Rule 113). Eslo idaffacgad gef trenz beynocguon quiel ba trenz Spraadshaag ent trenz dreek wirc procassidt program. Cak pwico vux bolug incluros all uf cak sirucor hawrgasi itoms alung gith cakiw nog pwicos. Plloaso mako nuto uf cakso dodtos anr koop a cupy uf cak ur tea.
Under no circumstances shall a playrt cakiw ad peish og.
Rule 107: All players will be subject to subsection C of teihi ginek yi[py[ikg’; if they are found to h’hf;l]-psf[msiah under and applebaiter.
Rule 108: This rule applies to subsection C only.
Rule 109: No player may name any station on the Northern Line, except if Double-Plus-Inverted rules are in effect, or unless the Referee has declared avant fait “with pompoms”.
Purple Shirt penalies shall be modified in accordance with the approved Tariff. All stations with air-conditioning merit a Double Point Increase if the outside air temperature is above 303 kelvins.
This rule does not apply on the 32nd of any month.
Rule 110: The penalties of the Inverse-Czech Scoring system are to be administered by the applebaiting team to all Purple Shirts, barring the interference of an Einstein-Rosen Bridge. This implies that all players receive twenty points, unless it is found that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.
Rule 110: Any player unable to recite the value of pi to 110 decimal places shall be subject to a Piña Colada, Mai Tai, Long Island Iced Tea, or other beverage of their choice.
(Please ignore the semi-simulpost rule 110 above).
Rule 111: Any player unable to recite the value of pi to 111 decimal places shall be subject to a Piña Colada, Mai Tai, Long Island Iced Tea, or other beverage of their choice.
Rule 112: As many players may not be legally able to be subjected to the above penalties, the grounds the game is played on are now officially seceded form the union, and sovereign under the name of Rulesitania, where the drinking age is 8.
3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209, uh… DAMN!
I’ll take my drink now.
Rule 113: And no, Ireland, you can’t claim that we stole your idea.
As a small aside, and by way of explaining Rule 113, I shall now Tell a Story.
When I went to Ireland for a family trip a few years ago, we took the ferry across from Fishguard (Wales) to Rosslare. We had reservations at a small bed and breakfast in Rosslare, and having not eaten for several hours, we were a bit peckish when we arrived. After locating the B&B, we inquired of the mistress of the house where we might find a bite to eat. She directed us just down the road to a pub. While we were there, two kids came in. I call them kids because they weren’t a day over 12 years old. They went up to the bar and ordered a pint each, which the bartender drew for them. As he passed them the beers, he asked “You boys are over 18, right?”
They were very reassuring. “Oh, of course we are.”
“Have your ID on you?”
Their response? “No, we seem to have forgotten it tonight.”
“Well, bring it next time.”
That’s still my favorite story from that trip.
Rule 114: Follow this rule at all times. Failure to do so will result in the revocation of your snarking apllebaiter gtj’lg[,/ergml ;fd,;s,.
I wonder if that bar trick would work for me…
Rule 115: Anyone in Alaska wins 8 points, but 16 if they never voted for Hickel.