The Garden of PAIN!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m not a smart man. I’m not a pretty man. I’m not a strong man. But, then again, I’m not a total wash seeing how I’m a fantastic lover. But you’ll just have to take my word for that one since I’ve got the whole monogamy thing going for me and the Little Woman isn’t a Doper herself. But this isn’t a Lesson in Rue-esque Love, so we’re not going to be talking about that anyway. Just as well, really. Mostly it’s about me not being so much the smart along with not having world-class strongness.

This weekend the Little Woman decided she wanted to enbiggen the flower garden in front of the house. This sounded like a great idea! The bigger the flower garden, the less there is for me to mow every week! Plus we’d get to rent a Big Tool. It sounded like the Perfect Plan. It still seemed like a Perfect Plan when the tool rental place dropped off the giant rototiller. It was huge! Combine huge! OK, not really that big, but it was the size of a grocery cart (or “trolley” if you’d rather), only not a regular grocery cart because they aren’t known for the helpfulness in breaking up half your lawn so you can put in a flower bed. The tool rental guy was very helpful in taking the tiller off the truck and showing the Little Woman how to start it. I would have been there to see, but I was getting the lawn mower out of the shed and moving a bunch of rocks in the back yard. (We have this path through the “dog run” made up of these flat rocks. With the tiller, I eventually dug up the path so the rocks would settle down into the dirt and be still when you walk on them. You don’t want to be thrown from the path while your walking through the “dog run”, believe me.) But the Little Woman told me everything the tool rental guy told her and the tiller started right up and we were ready to till.

Mostly we were ready to till. First the Little Woman had to take the lawn mower I just got out and then lowered the deck down to “really short” and mow out where she wanted the garden to go. Yeah, she stood there and said “over there” and sorta pointed to the front of our house, but I wanted a more definite target. I mean I didn’t just want to till willy-nilly, because that would just be silly. So she chopped down the grass while I adjusted the tiller for my comfort.

Did you know you can adjust the tiller handles and the stick thing in front of the wheels? Well, you can. Did you know if you don’t adjust them both together the tiller won’t be… I don’t know… balanced? Whatever, if you don’t set it right and you crank the tiller up and start digging up your lawn, the smallish-pizza sized blades (I mean the blades were the size of smallish pizzas. Not “personal size” but not the jumbo large size either. About a medium I think, with all the extra toppings because just cheese wouldn’t dig into your dirt very well at all.) will bite into your yard and then sorta…* jump out*… and you have to be real strong to hold the whole beast in line to chop up just where you want. Did I mention how I’m not so much strong, myself? Yeah, so the tiller beat the crap out of me. Until I reset the height and the handles and the stick thing in front of the wheels that has something to do with the cutting depth and got it all worked out. The big ol’ motor on the tiller was still beating me, but at least I had some control over the mayhem I was causing our lawn.

That was Saturday. Sunday morning I woke up and… didn’t hurt all that bad. So we (she) thought it would be a good idea to put some of these brick-like edging blocks around the flower bed to keep the dirt from all washing away when it rains. (Mulch is in my future. I’m very excited about that.) So, off to the hardware store! We brought both cars so we could pile in a bunch of those brick thingies. Then we had to unload them and dig out a little trench along the edge of the flower bed and sink the bastards in. There was some digging to make them even, but not a whole lot. As it turned out, we needed more brick-blocks, so I made the Little Woman and Soupo go back to the hardware store for more. (Katcha and I sat in the garage and drank orange soda waiting for them to come back.) When they got back, we finished up the edging. We were still about three bricks short, but that was in the back where you really can’t see unless you walk around half the house, so it really wasn’t that big a deal. And I extended the downspout run-off place to go past the edge of the garden (I did this for the place in the middle of the garden where the other downspout comes out so we wouldn’t swamp out the Little Woman’s plants. When they get planted.) so the back side of the flower bed is closed off with a series of concrete downspout run-off blocks set up in little waterfalls. It’s very nice. You’d be impressed.

So after a whole weekend of work, I get out of mowing about a quarter of the front yard for the rest of my life. So already I come out ahead. But that’s not all! I was also promised I could put in my marigolds where people can actually see them next year , not just in the back yard. PLUS I get my choice of Garden Gnome. It’s only one Garden Gnome, but it’s a start.

And I figure should stop hurting from getting beat by the tiller and then moving ten bizzilion nine-ton blocks in as little as two months.
-Rue.

2

You want to cut down on mowing, eh? One word: Xeriscape.

3

I’m so glad I live in a condo.

All I need to do is water Irving about once a week. That takes me about 2 seconds.

4

That sounds like a whole lot of work, Rue. Way more than I’m willing to put in during a single weekend. Being the lazy sort, I would probably stretch that out over the course of three weekends, maybe four if there was the slightest hint of rain.

I’m not real big on flower gardens myself. Flower gardens get in the way of my riding lawnmower. When you have a big yard, you have to spring for a riding lawnmower. If you play your cards right, you end up getting one with all the bells and whistles (I still don’t know what the whistle is for, but the bells are fun to ring) and even a trailer hitch to pull a small trailer behind it. I’ve used the trailer to haul large rocks from the front part of the yard to a pile at the wood line in the back yard. Thus, I proved that it was a worthwhile investment to get the really cool riding mower with optional features and attachments.

-Belz (Happy with his riding mower. Even happier to find ways out of using it.)

5

I did a little (very little) yard work myself, I mowed the lawn. (See I learned my lesson last week about not putting in stuff from the OP. I’m a pretty quick learner, I am.).

Speaking of Garden Gnomes, over the weekend The Elf and I picked out a really cool statue for our front yard. See, two houses to the north-west of us on our little cul-de-sac is a Rectory (yes, I know that is a funny word, put your dirty minds back in your heads) where 3 or 4 priests live (including Friar Tuck for awhile. It was kinda cool seeing a 300lb tonsured guy in brown friars robes chasing his really big dog across the yard.) They have a very nice Virgin Mary statue in their front garden. The neighbors directly next to us have a political sign for The Current Guy in their yard. This annoys my elf, who is neither Catholic nor for The Current Guy. (My feelings on the matters are not as strong as his. I let him have his little issues if they make him feel better.) He decides he needs to add something to our yard that reflects our beliefs. So off we head to the local Renaissance Festival and find a wonderful statue of Pan. He is going to be the centerpiece of a flower garden near our front steps where he will stand out in beautiful relief against the evergreen yew bushes. For some reason The Elf thinks this will annoy the neighbors, but I suspect that the neighbors don’t have enough knowledge of pagan deities to realize that Pan is more than just a cool yard ornament. If we had gotten one that showed the little bugger in full… um… endowments, then that would get their attention. And probably the attention of the city council who would think it was inappropriate for public display. Which is kind of a shame. I’d like to have that sort of Pan in my yard.

We take great pride in being the odd ones on our block. We live on a cul-de-sac in the burbs surrounded by older people who’s idea of front yard art is little concrete wheelbarrows and cutsy little stone kids. Everything is neat and tidy (including our front yard) but now that Pan is there The Elf wants to add gargoyles on the roof of our pretty foggy-blue-green little split-level with the white gingerbread trim. I haven’t been convinced this is a good idea yet. Maybe with the liberal application of chocolate martinis… I found out last week that if I have enough chocolate martinis, I can be convinced of pretty much anything.

I also managed to finish a quilt repair project I was comissioned to do last June. And then we went to the Plaza Art Fair in KC MO and saw cool art, and then yesterday spent most of the day at the KC RenFest and drank some good beer and socialized with lots of folks we know and spent a bunch of money on art and pottery and shoes and stuff. During part of my mispent youth I was a Ren Fest brat, and during part of The Elf’s mispent adulthood he and his band Elvendrums played at that very same Ren Fest and there is a lot of crossover from the pagan community and the RenFest, so we know lots of people there.

And I think that is enough rambling from the Faerie for right now. It was a very good weekend.

6

But, rue, at least you have something to show for your pain! Mr. Anachi is looking forward to cleaning up the mess Jeanne left in the yards. And, at least you have something new to talk about. Not me! Oh, no! I’m starting to sound like a broken record. Ya, know, we had this here hurricane this weekend…again…and again. :frowning:

7

I spent the weekend improving my stomach muscles by coughing. In fact, I’m still doing it about every three seconds. Great workout, but kind of hard on the throat.

I don’t have a yard.

Driving Husband and Quasi-Daughter bought me a microwave for my birthday. They got it at a yard sale for $10. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. It blinks on for 1/4 of a second every three seconds or so. I think it’s because the plug is funny or something. Anyone know anything about fixing microwaves? If we can’t get it to work they’ll just get me a new one from somewhere, but I want my yard-sale microwave to work, dammit!

It looks splendidly functional. It’s not very old, either.

8

I did some hard work too this weekend. My mom has been visiting and I had to go out to eat with her - sometimes several times a day! With desserts! And I had to go clothing shopping with her. Carrying all those clothes to the dressing room can be exhausting. <phew> I live such a tragic life.

Of course all of the above is what is known to the kids these days as “joking”. Mom was here, and we did/are eating and shopping like maniacs - but it’s been a total blast. Of course, we did eat like total pigs - I really shouldn’t have looked up the calories of what I ate yesterday, it just depresses me. Ah well - too late to do anything about it now!

Susan

9

We have a snow blower attachement for our riding lawn mower. We get to use the mower year- round.

  • misstee ( who has 5 acres to mow )
10

Oh yeah, Rue, while I was waiting for the VERY late MMP, I was forced to clean this morning already!
If the MMP would have been any later, who knows, I may have had to fold the laundry thats in the dryer!

11

Heh, we did yard work this weekend, too.
We dug a trench alongside the driveway and laid perforated pipe in it to drain water away from the garage. Not just plain naked pipe, though. No, we got fancy and put a sock on it. Pretty cool stuff. It was a long knitted thing made expressly for perforated pipe, to keep fine particulates like sand and dirt out. Since we had a 100-foot length of perforated pipe, and a 100-foot length of this knitted stuff, it was quite a job getting it on. It took both me and the Biblio-Husband and both Biblio-Kids to do it.
We dug our trench, laid the fancy-schmancy sock-covered perforated pipe in it, and then covered it with nice white gravel. Now all the water will drain away from the house and garage, into the pipe and down towards the back yard. Theoretically.
We’ll get a chance to see if it works when the remnants of Jeanne hit us tonight.

Can you all stand one more Dumb Dog story? Please? It’s funny, but the beginning is not for the faint-hearted.
My husband hunts, and last year got two deer, a buck and a doe. We took them to the butcher’s, and they cut off the heads to be mounted. Apparently, it takes freaking foreeeeeever, as we just got them back on Saturday.
Anyway, Biblio-Husband brought them in and sat them on the sofa while we looked at them and decided where to hang them (“Not in MY house!” was my choice).
Molly the Wonder Dog took one look at them and raised up all the fur on the back of her neck (her hackles?) and growled. Then she started barking. She backed up, and growled some more. And barked some more. She does not like them. Now that they’re hung (in MY freaking house! :eek: ) she’s still suspicious of them. Every time she walks by, she looks up at them, sort of from the corner of her eyes, and growls, deep down low in her throat.
I think one morning we’re gonna wake up to find dead (well, deader… ) deer heads on the floor.

12

I did work this weekend too! The DogParents brought us a bookshelf that they got from some friends of theirs, and we spent Saturday morning moving it into Kai’s room (of course our dog has his own room. Well, OK, it’s the guest room, but that’s where his Doggy Bed is so it’s his room until we have guests.) and replacing the milk-crate towers full of books with the bookshelf. (And, of course putting all the books on the shelf). We also went through all the books as we put them on the shelf and divided them into “keepers” which went on the shelf, and “byeeeee” which went into the now-empty crates so we could take them to the used book store.

This was so successful, and we had over half the bookshelf still empty by the time we were done with all the crates in Kai’s room that we decided to just keep going on the books in The Library. Several hours later, we had eight overfull crates of books in the back of the DogMobile ready to go to the Used Book Store. Unfortunately, at one point, DogDad couldn’t quite reach a book that was in a teeeeny weeny little spot between a bookshelf and our computer desk, so he asked me to get it. Not because I’m smaller, but because I’m taller, so I could probably reach it. I got it, but as I reached for it I felt something in my back go twannnngggggg and I said, “ow.”
But it stopped hurting so we went down to the Used Book store and unloaded about 1 1/2 crates of books and got $77 in store credit. Yay us!
Then we spent it. (Hey, you had to see that coming.)
Then we dropped off most of the rest of the books at the Goodwill place. We kept some, though, because the local VA hospital might be able to use them and if they can’t then we’re gonna Bookcrossing them.

Then my back (remember that twannngnggggggg? So do I) decided to let me know that doing all that driving around and hauling AFTER it twannngngggged on me was REALLY stupid, so I spent yesterday after church sulking in bed with a heating pad on my back.
But I feel much better today.

Oh, and I don’t have a garden. I don’t like plants i have to take care of. Plant 'em and forget 'em, that’s the kind I like.

13

Gee, ** bibbie**, you really go deluxe when you get Molly stuffies, don’t you?

14

I bought stuff to do pre-snow gardening things, as the gardening store is closing up and everything is on clearance. I bought grass seed, and fertilizer, and tulip bulbs, and peony bulbs, and edging… all kinds of nifty stuff.

Unfortunately, I ended up spending a couple hours in emergent care Saturday afternoon and the balance of the evening sleeping, so all the nifty gardening stuff sat in my garage. Do mice like tulip and peony bulbs? We shall see.

Thanks to my emergent care time, I now have a big ol’ prescription of Vicodan. Vicodan is nice. Made me all tingly in a wonderful way. But then I fell asleep. While I was snoring away, LilMiss cleaned the living room and the kitchen. Isn’t she sweet? Of course she woke me up to show me her gift, which was not so special. And it was messy again no more than 15 minutes later.

Yesterday we played “Driving LilMiss”. Drove her to church, picked her up. Drove her to a birthday party, picked her up. Drove her to a friends house, picked her up. I tried to leave her at her friends house, but she called and asked if she could come home. Since I do kinda like her, I said she could.

Why is it, when you go take out the garbage fully dressed, no cars go by. BUT when you’re in your bathrobe suddenly there’s a frickin’ parade of cars down the street? I managed to evade the motion lights on the trip out, but not on the way back in. I didn’t hear any snickers or comments, but they probably had their windows rolled up.

AND! I am proud to say I now have MORE grass in my yard to mow. When the basement dweller lived here, he parked alongside of the garage, driving in and out through the yard. He also had a dog which, as dogs do, tore up the lawn. A few weeks ago I put some grass seed down and now I have little green spiky grass growing! No more mud pit!

15

I’ll have you know, Rue, those things are called carriages. Not carts. At least where I’m from. Although not where I live now. They’re called carts out here. Stupid California.

I was supposed to do some work around the house this weekend, but we went and registered for stuff instead ('cause we’re getting married, and you’re supposed to do that sort of thing, I guess.). I found it to be rather stressful, but the fiancé allowed me to take a whole bunch of beer breaks during the process, so that worked out ok.

To continue a theme from last week, any ideas on a nickname for my fiancé? I’m pretty sure she would be against a name with “tool” in it.

16

Greased Lighting?

17

Lightmiss?

18

Well, duh, of course fresh cheese pizza is no good for rototilling. But day old cheese pizza works just fine (especially if it was made with sharp cheddar).

19

Hey everybody, keep up the good thoughts for my Mom, it’s working! Although “good news” in the context of cancer can be a bit tricky, the good news is that the cancer is confined to her lung. The surgeon says he can get the whole thing out and that she’ll do just fine in the surgery. I’ll go down next week and stay with her after she gets out of the hospital ('cuz I’m the only one that doesn’t drive her nuts) but, other than pain while the incision heals, she’s good to go. No chemo or radiation needed. Yeah!

I almost walked across the street to ask Gary to do my lawn this week, but I never got around to it. I did buy a new hose, my current hose got cut in half in a tragic edging equipment accident. I least, I think that’s what happened, it’s possible that the same people who stole my political sign also did a bit of minor vandalism, but I suspect the edging equipment and a careless teenager had more to do with it. I almost bought a hose holder thingy, but I got frugal at the last minute and so I’ll save that purchase until spring when I’ll need to use a hose again.

I want to plant a bunch of perennials so I can have blooms and green and stuff, but I don’t actually want to do the physical planting. Really, my plant skills exist of more or less remembering to water them and picking flowers and/or dead leaves and stuff off of them. I’m sure I’d end up planting bulbs upside down and transplanting everything in either too deep a hole or too shallow a hole or too close together or too far apart. If there is a way to do it wrong, I’ll find it. Plus, I can’t kneel on my bum knee and my back hurts when I have to bend a lot. Normally, I’m pure consumer, and I pay people to do stuff I don’t like to do. But it seems snobby to hire someone to plant flowers for me, unless I do a whole landscaping makeover, which is really more than I want to spend to avoid doing something I’m just too lazy to do. Is that violins I hear?

20

How’s about “the Enlightened One”? She oughta like that.

I have plenty to add this week, but right now I have to go into Portland and make some money. Maybe later.