On Saturday night, my two roommates and I went to a party in the neighborhood. While there, we met three women, two sisters and a friend of theirs. Deftly cutting them out of the herd, the six of us left the party and headed down to a local bar.
So, we’re hanging at the bar, chatting each other up. My roommate Steve has clearly latched onto Michelle. Me, I’m talking to her sister (Emilia), trying to get a feel for her. Things are going well, we’re all having a good time, until the following words pass through Emilia’s lips,
“I hate the Simpsons.”
I.Hate.The.Simpsons.
I swear to god, I felt a sense of almost physical revulsion go through me. I actually took a step back. What kind of thing hates the *Simpsons?!!
“I don’t like television.” Perfectly acceptable.
“I only liked the first few seasons. The show has dropped in quality.” I’d argue the point, but a legitimate POV.
“I hate the Simpsons.” A mark of true evil.
Some might say that the whole incident says more about me than about Emilia. They would be wrong.
What I actually did do was step behind one of my roommates and used him as a human shield and asked him to protect me from the “bad girl.” Emilia thought I was joking around. I was deadly serious.
Ugh. My girlfriend hates The Simpsons, as well as almost every other animated prime-time TV program. She’s one of those, “cartoons are for kids” people, ya know? Despite my attempts to convince her otherwise, she clings steadfastly to these beliefs. But then, she’s full of all sorts of weird beliefs. She refuses to drink water from the bathroom sink’s spigot, because somehow it’s dirty. She told me the other day that apple juice was for children. I had no idea.
You know, I could swear that those words are in English, but I’ll be damned if I can understand the way they’re strung together like that. Is this some kind of bizzare pidgin or dialect?
I mean, it just doesn’t make any sense like that.
A sure-fire way to fix that little annoying trait is to rent Legend of the Overfiend and make her watch it. Cartoons are for kids indeed. Humph.
Gratned, we’re all allowed our little faults. We all have them, we all put up with them, we try to minimize them to some extent. I mean, we’re not running for Jesus here, are we? But not liking the Simpsons?!? What are we, in Red-fucking China?
I’m one of those “cartoons are for kids” people. I still like the Simpsons. You have to. I don’t watch tv, I don’t really dig cartoons (anime, whatever) but…but …The Simpsons!! Its not a cartoon its political commentary.
“Let’s sacrifuce her to our gods! …We did it all the time back in the 30’s”
“She’s an alien replicon from beyond the moon!”
Clearly the girl in question is either:
1 Satan
2 A mutant created by the nuclear power plant (did she have webbed feet?)
3 A heartless android escaped from the lab of Professor Frink ( "We have at least 24 hours before the robots go berserk. Wahay! I, oong, forgot to carry the 2.")
4 An evil Space Mutant! In which case it’s lucky you didn’t sleep with her. Afterwards, she would have transformed back to a 4 tentacled monster and eaten you alive.
5 An altered clone of Montgomery Burns! Did she have 3 spots on her head, arranged like the holes of a bowling ball?
6 Maybe she was from....Shelbyville!
Urge to kill rising, rising... Must go watch Simpsons. OOOOh, Miss Krabapple, truly your's is a butt that won't quit!
I have met some folks who don’t know the genius of The Simpsons, never having really watched it. Generally, when they are instructed to watch, they understand that it is by far the finest show on TV.
But I don’t believe I have ever actually encountered anyone who has watched the show and doesn’t like it. This so completely speaks volumes about the person in question. Probably not very bright, probably enjoyed “Caroline In The City” or that show with Brooke Shields, probably exposed to high levels of DNA-bruising radiation at a young age, quite possibly even evil.
