You bunch of wisenheimers! (did I spell that right?)
Poopie Pants!!! Stink butt!!! Diaper Head!!! Fart Face!!!
If you guys like this thread so much then why don’t you marry it?
May you stumble through life as a blind horse in a dark ditch at midnight.
Yes well. It’s this sort of blinked Phillistine pig ignorance that I’ve come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You whining hypocritical toadies sit all day on your loathesome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not giving a tinkers cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement! You and your color television sets and Tony Jaquelyne golf clubs and bleeding secret Masonic handshakes, why, I wouln’t become a Freemason now if you got down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me…
(John Cleese as the frustrated architect in part of the Spanish Inquisition episode.)
Also:
Dumber than a sackful of hammers.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
A couple tacos short of a fiesta.
If you had dangerous you’d be brains.
The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.
All the vigor of old age and all the wisdom of youth.
And my personal favorites:
Pound sand up it…
Yeah, well you can shove it, with walnuts…
(Homer Simpson)
Someone shot the dots off his dice. (The best)
From a Bronx Tale; “He’s so fat, rumor has it, his shadow once killed a dog”.
Personal favs; “You dazed faced dome headed monkey” and “Fishcake”
“You are a complete and total… a complete and total… A word has yet to be invented to describe what you are, but you are one, and a complete and total one at that!”
- Arnold Rimmer
Bizzarely a kid once came up to me and said “Yer maw’s a DJ!”!? (Scottish for; your maternal parent is a disc-jockey).
Anyway I like:
You’re a right nippy sweetie.
Tumshie-face.
You talk one load of poodles, man.
If I want any sh*t from you, i’ll squeeze your head!
You’re a bad man/lady. (must be said in infantile voice to be effective)
Peni-badildo-brain.
Here you, flaberdingus-muftleberry dangle-eye-Joe!!!(?)
You’re a silly monkey.
You’re a beach ball on legs.
TURD BURGLAR!!!
Did you MEAN to hit every branch when you fell out of the ugly tree, or didja just get lucky?
You’re not the sharpest pencil in the box
Not the brightest crayon in the pack
You’re a few bagels short of a dozen
You’re a few gnomes short of an underground utopia (don’t look at me, that was my friend’s).
But my all time favorite…
Definitely not the smartest bulb on the tree, eh?
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Not all his dogs are barking. (Fave)
And Jester, I believe it’s:
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
Hehehe, these are funny.
I particularly liked “Not all his dogs are barking.” That is an example of the style of insult that I wanted.
Are you going to the movies? No? Then why are you picking your seat?
HUGS!
Sqrl
My brother-in-law’s father has a habit, when he refers to someone thin, of saying:
“He doesn’t have enough fat on his ass to fry his ears.”
Not sure that’s an insult, really…
“Not all his dogs are barking”, and “Someone shot the dots off his dice”, are two of my all time favorite insults. They are sufficiently oblique for anyone to get all bent out of shape and yet so skewering that they are delicious. Glad that you got these gems out of me. You can see how long it took for me dredge them up out of the crevices of my brain. And now for a few more:
“Move his plate six inches and he’d starve.”
“He’s so Southern, he’s related to himself.”
“Takes his momma two hours to watch sixty minutes.”