Greetings! First time poster… I’m in a love rut and looking for advice. Pour yourself a stiff drink (its always 5 o’clock somewhere) and hop aboard my love affair mess.
Right off the bat-- I became the ‘other woman’ almost 2 years ago. I met him through my sis and her husband. We were both in their wedding party. They have absolutely no idea.
During the first year-- it was total emotional and physical between the two of us. Great conversation and sex. He was able to come and go as he pleased, wife had no idea.
Things were good for about a year-- then shit hit the fan. Wife became suspicious and was given a heads that her husband was not up to any good. Ups an downs ensued from there.
We ended it for about 3 months. I threw in the towel and told him to work on his marriage. 3 months after that-- he contacts me. Things picked up from where we left off.
About 4 or so weeks in, his guard goes up. He becomes distant and I called him out on it. He said its nothing with me. 2 months after that, he said he needed space. I gave it to him and went about my merry way. He reaches out to me 8 weeks later and we were good for about 12 weeks although his guard was still up. During these ups/downs, it was general friendly chit chat. Honestly, we only saw each other maybe 2 or 3x.
How are you doing on this rollercoaster ride so far? Holdin’ on strong? Have you used your puke bag yet?
During June, he was pretty silent. Found out from him at the end of June, they were planning on divorcing. A week later, they were back together and trying to make their M work. I said okay and I backed off. He told me he still wants to remain friends. He started to sporadically text me then we were back to the everyday texting, but no physical contact. I told him if its too much texting me, then tell me. He said I can text anytime. Its not an issue. He’s responds to them also and he’s not ignoring me.
My sister, who I know them through, dropped a bomb on me the other day. Turns out, they have a huge family issue that’ll break up his wife’s family as it involves wife’s brother. MM doesn’t get along with wife’s family as it is, and with this happening-- my sister pretty much said there will be no ties with her brother involving MM and the kids.
On top of that, I found out during the time he ended it with me, him and her actually went on a break.
So last night I was talking to him…he told me because of boundaries he put up can’t involve me with this family issue (he doesn’t know I know).
He sounds like a jackass, right? Honestly–he really isn’t. He’s in a place that no father wants to be in. Let me say that.
Right now I’m torn and not sure what to do. Knowing the mess he’s in, I feel bad totally breaking it off. He said that talking to me doesn’t screw up him trying to make his M work. I think otherwise. I know I need to take a step back, but IDK. How do I do that? Just not respond to him? Don’t initiate first texts? I already blacklisted him so I am not tempted to text him.
Do I tell him I can’t do this with his guard up? Honestly–that is whats killing me. Once he put it up for whatever reason (I’m thinking issues at home/marriage), there was a missing connection between us.
From those who’ve been in an A (I won’t judge)–whats with the back and forth with him? Just stringing me along for conversation? Its not like we’re even intimate. I’m flabbergasted with that as well.
Its easier said than done to drop a person like a bad habit when you have feelings for them.