The Holistic Lawyer Smackdown

[Boyo_Jim]

Yesterday I went to something called a “foreclosure clinic”, staffed by UW law students and faculty to help people like me who have the wolves at their door. Because only a couple of folks showed up, I had two law students and a professor all to myself.

And was this guy in full blown professor mode. I would ask a question and he would reply with, “What do YOU think the right answer is?” I thought this was pretty funny and mildly annoying at the same time, and after the 3rd or 4th time, I started laughing and said, “You know, this isn’t a classroom, and I’m not one of your students.” The two students LOVED it, they both burst out laughing, I think somewhat impressed that anyone might challenge a even a minor demi-god like one of their teachers.

Later on, after I’d asked several questions and realized in the middle of asking them that they were tangential to the point, I apologized to them and said that these questions popped into my head and I had to get them out before I lost them, and I was sorry some of them led us astray. The professor answered, “No, they’re not. As I try to tell my students, they’re all connected though one or another path.”

I replied, “I think that’s a bit of a stretch.”

“No”, he insisted, “EVERYTHING’S connected in one way or another.”

So I said, “My cat died a couple of years ago. How’s that connected to this?”

And then he started laughing. And then I started laughing. And then the two students decided it was ok to laugh and joined in.

He didn’t answer the question. I like to imagine he was sitting up last night feverishly drafting an answer to the question, to demonstrate with impeccable logic how the death of my cat WAS in fact related to my foreclosure.

But probably not.

And FYI, I learned quite a lot of valuable information and actually enjoyed the whole thing immensely.

[Smeghead]

The damage a live cat can do to a house can severely reduce a home’s value. Clearly, the bank had your kitty assassinated to protect its investment.

[StGermain]

The loss of your cat led to severe depression, causing the inevitable chain of events that lead you to the brink of foreclosure.

Or your cat ate all your money and died.

StG

[Ravenman]

@Boyo_Jim

He didn’t answer the question. I like to imagine he was sitting up last night feverishly drafting an answer to the question, to demonstrate with impeccable logic how the death of my cat WAS in fact related to my foreclosure.

There’s two possible answers here: one, the professorial answer that you’ve already covered: “How do YOU think your cat is related to your foreclosure?”

Or two, the true lawyers’ answer: “It depends.”

[Dewey_Finn]

@Boyo_Jim

And was this guy in full blown professor mode. I would ask a question and he would reply with, “What do YOU think the right answer is?”

My father is a retired professor of law and, while he didn’t do that, his answers, even to casual questions, were often in the form of lectures. I learned to avoid asking him stuff.

[The_Second_Stone]

If it is on your mind at a meeting on the subject, enough that you bring it up, it probably does have some connection. The cat? No. But the little emotional things that you think are tangents, probably are tangents, but they are important to you for good reasons to you. They might be helpful, the might be hurtful, they might be a waste of time. But at initial meetings, identifying these things are important and in the several meetings (or thought sessions) you have before you get to finalizing the paper or going to court, it is very important to understand which items are a waste of time but emotionally important to you so that don’t go trotting off down the crazy path in that filing or argument, so that you drop it. Lawyers are great for presenting the arguments because by the time it gets before the judge, there is no chance they will go down the rabbit hole after your cat dying and looking daft and crazy, while there is a significant chance you will start talking about the dead cat if it is emotionally important to you in an unrelated way no matter how many times you told yourself you wouldn’t go there.

A lawyer experienced in the area should listen to the whole story, and then help you decide what can be used. It’s like all the more subtle rules of baseball, there may and it is even likely to be stuff there that can be used, or even decisive.

[Finagle]

@Boyo_Jim

So I said, “My cat died a couple of years ago. How’s that connected to this?”

And then he started laughing. And then I started laughing. And then the two students decided it was ok to laugh and joined in.

He didn’t answer the question. I like to imagine he was sitting up last night feverishly drafting an answer to the question, to demonstrate with impeccable logic how the death of my cat WAS in fact related to my foreclosure.

Well, linguistically, the word “mortgage” comes from the old French mort (death) gage(pledge). In Spanish, cat is “gatos”. So clearly, your subconscious, which is apparently Spanish but a rotten speller, decided that the word “mortgage” really meant “to the death of the cat”. You shouldn’t listen to your subconscious anymore.

[Doctor_Jackson]

@Ravenman

There’s two possible answers here: one, the professorial answer that you’ve already covered: “How do YOU think your cat is related to your foreclosure?”

Or two, the true lawyers’ answer: “It depends.”

Or 3, the politician’s answer - “It depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is.”

[Hello_Again]

@The_Second_Stone

A lawyer experienced in the area should listen to the whole story, and then help you decide what can be used. It’s like all the more subtle rules of baseball, there may and it is even likely to be stuff there that can be used, or even decisive.

C’mon Sam, why go through the trouble of trying to understand, when instead you can just outright mock the one person that came forward to save your ass, for free.

The guy giving me free, accurate legal advice was such a douchebag, yuk yuk yuk.

[The_Second_Stone]

@Hello_Again

The guy giving me free, accurate legal advice was such a douchebag, yuk yuk yuk.

My name isn’t Sam, and I frequently give free, accurate and helpful legal advice. It does not keep me from being a douchebag.

[shantih]

Wait, is this seriously not as obvious to everyone else as it is to me? Clearly, your cat had a profound gambling addiction. Night after night, when you thought he was prowling the neighborhood terrorizing the local mice, he was actually livin’ large, throwing around the Benjamins in one casino after another. In the end, Snowball’s debts and problems snowballed and the mass of deception and betrayal was about to burst into the open. There was only one solution.

Yes, I am saying that your cat embezzled from you and then faked his own death. See? Everything really is connected in the end!

I’m truly sorry for your loss and for your financial troubles. I hope that you’re in a happier situation soon.

[Senegoid]

In the other universe (the one where the cat didn’t die), you also got a job in Los Angeles, and so you sold that house and moved away before any of this happened.

[Northern_Piper]

@The_Second_Stone

My name isn’t Sam, and I frequently give free, accurate and helpful legal advice. It does not keep me from being a douchebag.

I think Hello Again may have confused you with Sam Stone, another poster. I’ve done it myself.

[Northern_Piper]

@Finagle

Well, linguistically, the word “mortgage” comes from the old French mort (death) gage(pledge). In Spanish, cat is “gatos”. So clearly, your subconscious, which is apparently Spanish but a rotten speller, decided that the word “mortgage” really meant “to the death of the cat”. You shouldn’t listen to your subconscious anymore.