Give David Blaine a call…he’s looking for new ideas for his next boredom-defying stunt.
The pulley system on the elevator I am in has just snapped and I am plumetting to my death…need help fast!
Just before the elevator reaches the ground, jump!
Why do birds suddenly appear. Every time you are near?
seriously, its creeping me out…want to know now!
Because Karen Carpenter is moony over you.
Stuck on an real craphole of an island with only a geriatric drunk and a fecking moron to keep me company. If I don’t do something soon, I’m seriously gonna snap. What do I do?
Find a beach volleyball to befriend, and get the hell off that island as soon as you can.
During an experiment, I seem to have inadvertently opened up a gateway to some evil alternative dimension, filled with ravenous gibbering monstrosities which want to enslave humanity. I’d really like to close the gateway, but there’s a game on and I’ve got some money riding on it. What should I do? Need answer fast!
Close the gateway, then get yourself on TV and tell your story (conveniently omitting the fact that you opened the damn gateway in the first place). You’ll be hailed as a hero, and should be able to spin your new-found fame into more fortune than you’d have won with your bet on that silly game.
I’m in a yellow wood, and there’s a fork in the road before me. One path is obviously more worn than the other, but there’s not really much of a difference between them. Nevertheless, I have a feeling that my choice in this seemingly trivial matter will not only determine my fate, but become known to generations yet to be born. Advice posthaste, please!
Take the road more traveled. No reason to go out into the unknown when there could be all sorts of terrible and dangerous things lurking there. The future generations will surely praise you for your rational prudence.
I have a syringe, two rubber bands, a ping-pong paddle, and a roll of duct tape. My mortal enemy is approaching and I have but a short time to fashion a lethal weapon. How do I do it?
Smack him in the face with the ping pong paddle, duct tape his hands behind his back, then use the syringe to inject an air bubble into his vein. After he dies you can use the rubber bands to hold the syringe next to his lifeless corpse as a warning to others who may come upon him.
My girlfriend and I had been using “rosebud” as our safe word. Unfortunately, during the throes of passion I misunderstood what she was saying as “Robespierre.” Acting on what I thought she was asking for, I brought a guillotine into our role playing. Now I have a new girlfirend, and I’m looking for a safe word that is 100% safe and that I won’t misunderstand. Any suggestions?
How about “Whoa”? Unless, that is, you’re into bestiality…
He’s a maniac who has to be stopped before he destroys the country. So I put the briefcase with the bomb right next to the guy, but someone moved it aside, and the fucker was only injured. Injured! Oh, hell. My buddies and I had a pretty elaborate plan for seizing power after he died, but guess what, now it’s all going to shit. What should we do now? Need answer fast!
Here’s a little advice my father taught me.
If at first you don’t succeed,
A bigger bomb you’re gonna need.
(inspired by recent threads)
So, I was sitting at home waiting for the daughters “first date” to show up and pick her up. I was jello, sure, but I had all my advice and warnings worked out in a nice little speech.
The next thing I know is I wake up on the living room floor in a pool of what could possibly be “boyfriend” entrails, blood and assorted … uh, “parts”. Daughter and wife are cowering in the corner in eachothers arms. I can hear sirens. Need advice quick.
Obviously the boy smuggled a bomb into your residence and tried to assassinate you via suicide bombing. You were lucky to have survived.
I’ve been stressed out about work, the house, the kids, and life in general. I’ve been trying to utilize various relaxation techniques, some with mixed results, and some failures. Aroma therapy didn’t work, and music seemed to be OK. Lately though I’ve been imagining myself in a tranquil happy place.
I’m currently in the forest and I can clearly see the face of the person I’m holding down under the surface of the stream. What do I do? Need answer fast!
Thanks in advance!
Who is the person you’re drowning? Does he, in the Texas phrase, “need killin’”? If so, hold him steady until no more bubbles emerge. Otherwise, let him up and offer your heartfelt apologies.
My boss really wants me to bring the ship into harbor as soon as possible for the good P.R., but there are iceberg warnings and I’m a little worried. This was supposed to be my last voyage and I really want to end on a high note. What should I do? Need answer fast.
Grab the first lifeboat and leave. Now.
I’m stuck in this apartment with a bunch of people I don’t know, playing some sort of sick game straight out of a rich man’s will, and now there’s a bomber on the loose! How do I tell these people I want out? Need answer fast!
And if anyone got that reference, you are my hero.
Say that you’re the bomber. They’ll happily get rid of you. (You never said you wanted out in one piece.)
And it sounds a bit like the Newberry Award-winning book The Westing Game, but that took place in a ritzy hotel, not an apartment.
Do I take the red pill or the blue pill? Need answer fast!
Do us all a favour and stay in the Matrix.
So, long story short, I fell for the wrong girl and - even worse - her dad totally busted us. Now she’s signalling I should go through the door on the left, but should I trust her? Need answer fast!
Is she smokin’ hawt? Do as she says.
I’ve just piloted this huge lighter-than-air passenger liner all the way to New Jersey, and the passengers are eager to disembark. But the liner just shuddered and now the air seems to be getting quite a bit warmer. The men on the ground are pointing up at us and some are running away. Uh oh. What should I do? Need answer fast.
You are my hero.
(And they were apartment towers.)
You are already dead, and just don’t know it. Say hi to Houdini.
Need answer fast!
Somebody just landed face first in my yard. He has an unopened parachute and $50,000,000 on him. I think he’s the president of a large bank. The money will of course be turned over to the government. I think I’ll use the trickle down method they always promote. What should I do with the body?
Ack! Now that you mention it, they were. (It’s been many years since I read that book.) By apartment, I thought you mean a single one. But yeah, old Sam Westing had his game go off in the apartment towers.
I first got the book in 5th or 6th grade. Probably the greatest young-adult book I had read up to that point. I still read it a few times after even as an adult. (Though, my last reading was at least 5 years ago, and probably closer to 10). It definitely deserved the Newberry award.
And I figured out the America the Beautiful thing very early in the game. I think I had it pegged by the second or third set of clues that were revealed.
I think it’s only fair that since you’re turning over $50,000,000 to the government, you also turn the body over to the government, which will provide a decent burial. Hell, if you turn the $50,000,000 over to me, I’ll see to it personally that the deceased receives a decent burial.
There’s this woman who I had a fling with back when we both lived in Paris. Now it turns out she had a husband all along. Things have gotten kind of risky for her husband, and she’s asking me to help him get out of here. I can turn her down, or help him get out. But should I fix it so she stays here and we can start up our fling again, fix it so she can go with him, or fix it so He and I can leave, and have her stuck here. What should I do.
Why are you even bothering us with problems that clearly don’t amount to a hill of beans? Start a torrid love affair with the chief of police and get on with your life.
I’m a humble government office charged with keeping the King’s Peace. The bandits in the forest have been making a mockery of my authority for year’s now; things have come to a climax and they’ve actually invaded my city. Their leader has just promised me that after this visit he’ll never need to come again, but somehow I’m not reassured. Any advice?