Ok, this is the first Thread that I have ever started, and the subject is something near and dear to me. In talking about it I am openning myself up and that makes me feel vunerable, so please, be gentle.
Here we go…Some of my friends say that there is something wrong with me. Others claim that my butthole is not of this Earth. Still others think I am just weird. This is the story.
When ever I feel the need to go “do-do” I try to pospone it until I get to work. (I am a security gaurd who works the night shift in an office building. This allows me to abuse the restroom of my choice without the fear of being interupted.) I wait until everyone has gone home, then I proceed to select my victim, ususally the handicap stall on the second floor. The handicap stall allows me room to swing my feet in those wonderful moments of release (M.O.R.) and the handles give me something to hold onto when I get a stubborn terd.
The entire ritual takes anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes and afterwards I have an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment.
If you were ever so unfortunate as to enter the ill-fated restroom moments after I have left it, you would know what my close friends know. I STINK!! Every dump I leave behind has to let its presence be known by leaving a rotten stench of Death in the air. It is so bad that in High School I used to cut class so that I could go home instead of using the facilities there.
So there you have it. I stink, I take forever, and I love it. Does this make me wrong? Please validate the feelings I have for my favorite passtime!!!
Thats the truth and anyone who has heard otherwise has been misinformed.
C’mon now, cut the guy some slack. Had it been posted by Wally for example, everybody would have loved it.
I, for one, appreciate the visual
In fact, I have been contemplating starting a thread just like this one - I often experience a good (often delayed) dump as almost orgastic (is that an English word?).
It’s just that I was rather iffy about the subject, but this newbie here shows guts, and he writes funny too!
Okay, I read the topic line and thought, “Troll.” But I found the OP pretty funny.
I will admit to feeling a good sense of, um, I guess accomplishment after taking care of that sort of business. I wouldn’t call it orgastic, but it is nice.
I read in the bathroom as well.
Homepage: www.idreamofjeannie.com
Occupation:Wish granting
Location: I’m still stuck in this damn bottle in Cocoa Beach, Fla.
Interests: Getting Major Nelson in trouble, getting Major Nelson out of trouble
–Custom profile courtesy of UncleBeer
I never hate myself in the morning. I sleep till noon.
–Custom sig line courtesy of Wally
It would seem that you are experiencing regression, whereby you are still in the anal stage of development. Soon, you will enter the phallic stage and learn the joys of your penis and/or clitoris.
Oh, by the way, don’t be offended that I’m implying that you’re a lesbian, because that’s not what I’m implying.
*A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
*
I can remember the most satsafiying bowel movement of my life. I was at search and rescue school. The school was being taught by Airforce Pararescuemen. They insisted that we eat only MRE’s (Meals, Ready to Eat). These meals are notrouious for preventing bowel movements. For 4 days, From Saturday until Weds I was unable to produce. On Wendsday night I had to make the walk to our hole in the ground. For 15 minutes I experienced the most blissful bowel movement of my life. It was literally a weight off of my should, er, waist. I didnt have another movement until the Saturday after that, and it was a similar experience.
I learned 2 things from that trip
MRE’s suck…no matter what anyone says, they suck.
you always need more TP than you thought you did
…for more silky smooth segues, write to “silky smooth segues” 610 n 10th street, Albuquerque NM 87109.
I feel ya. I am in the Marine Corps Reserves and have experianced the side effects of MRE’s myself. I can not believe that you said nothing of the notorious MRE’s Farts. Man, those are just as bad.
And thank you ColdFire. It warms my heart that a SD regular was so touched by my post that you stood up for me.
My main question was am I normal? Am I the only one who has Earth shattering orgasms while relieving myself of the tortured souls of the damned? Thats all. I just want to know what goes on in the restrooms of the Teeming Millions.
Thank you and good night.
Thats the truth and anyone who has heard otherwise has been misinformed.
While it’s not my Fav. Pastime, nor orgasmic, I, as a fellow graveyard worker agree wholeheartedly with the above snippet of your post.
It’s a beautiful thing to be able to let loose at work like that without fear that the night’s Combo pizza with extra olives and green peppers and draft beer will offend some innocent bystander!
I must applaud your courage in coming forth with such a personal note.
I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
One week, two days, 13 hours, 10 minutes and 42 seconds.
381 cigarettes not smoked, saving $47.74.
Life saved: 1 day, 7 hours, 45 minutes.
I’m female and I also read in the bathroom. I don’t see why I should sit there for 10 or 15 minutes and do nothing.
I’ve heard some women make comments about someone reading in the bathroom and say, “Ew, gross.” Why is that gross? People who read in the bathroom don’t wipe their asses with the magazine, so what’s the problem?
I don’t sit there and do nothing for 10-15 minutes. It takes me that long to commit the crime and then pray forgiveness for my sins. I don’t feel that those wonderful 10 minutes have gone to waste, in fact, those are the best 10 minutes of the day, unless of course I go twice!
As for reading on the thrown, I can’t do it. I just can not multi-task myself like that. I need all my consentration to just get through those trying times.
I look at it like this: Sometimes you just wanna turn off your car stereo and enjoy the sounds of the engine revving and the road going by. Apply that to the bathroom and there is my philosophy on life.
Thats the truth and anyone who has heard otherwise has been misinformed.
I would just like to weigh in and say that I’ve never understood exactly what was so pleasurable about defecation. I don’t get that at all. It has always been my feeling that if you’re in there fifteen or twenty minutes, then you’re doing something wrong. But then again, I’m the one who gets a bang out of unconventional urination techniques, so what do I know?
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.
I just have to add, there is nothing worse than sitting on the throne and having the damn automatic lights go out. There you are working out Satan’s spawn, not the spawn of our Satan, at least I hope not :), and then total blackness. What is a boy to do? You can not read your newspaper or magazine, and you sure as hell can not find the toilet paper, nor inspect the toilet paper to see if you have done a thorough job of the clean up. So you have to hobble over to the stall door and open and close it until the motion sensor turns the lights back on. Then you can finish the job and get on with your life. I just perish the day that the lights turn off and someone enters before I can turn them back on again. What would you think if you walk into the bathroom and saw the lights turn on and then you see someone is in there?? I’d probably think that the guy passed out from the excertion, maybe popped a few blood vessels and had a brain hemorage or something. I could see the obit for DAYUIZ:
Local guard found dead in bathroom stall. Coroner reports that the subject died from massive hemoraging of the brain due too massive chunk of feces.
