In another thread in the inestimable BBQ Pit, a Mysterious Intelligence (not going to name it because every cult needs a mystery) posted:
Lame teaser. Quite reminiscent of Junior High School newspaper wannabe reporters. By this, I don’t mean those who work on Junior High School newspapers, but rather those who merely wish they had the same skill as the weakest Junior High School newspaper reporter on the planet.
Unnamed researchers and the group to which they belong also remains unnamed. This is quite reminiscent of FOAF lore. Or it could be a rival cult spreading tales.
No indication of by whom this concern should be given.
Now, let’s see what ceremonies, rites, and big time partying we should have.
It’s been posited by the aforementioned Mysterious Intelligence[sup]1[/sup] that the Monty Movement[sup]2[/sup] should be given great concern. Personally, as the titular head of said movement, I’d prefer to have no concerns. I’ve enough worries at the moment. But, the Movement’s Mantle is obviously upon me.
Since none of the purported members of the Movement has shown any childishness, nor have they hurt themselves (or anyone else for that matter), evidently the biggest concern is that we’re not sharing our toys. Actually, as far as the MI is concerned, it’s only one toy we appear to not share with said MI. That toy is Critical Thinking.[sup]3[/sup]
Oh, no! There’s another improved cult trying to horn in on our territory! Yet another member of the Movement has posited that this other movement has something to do with moving dinnerware via telekinesis.[sup]4[/sup]
The loud noise could be anything which calls attention to the Minions of the Monty Movement. Seeing as this noise has something to do with metal (turning things into lead, perhaps?), it must be some sort of gong. The only pile of useless crap that keeps turning up in the wake of the Movement is the aforementioned MI.
Definition, please.[sup]5[/sup]
Okay, let’s see what we have so far:
[list=a][li]An altar on which at least a bowl is placed. This bowl may or may not move; however, if it does move, it must be moved via telekinesis. We’ll deal with the theological damage a movement caused by an earthquake will have. Remember, this is California, after all![/li]
[li]Ceremonial toys. At least one of which should be a recent and reputable textbook in one of the following subjects: Critical Thinking, Speech, Debate, or Logic.[/li]
[li]A gong or other device, not a bowl [see above], which may be struck so as to summon the Minions to the Mustering of the Movement.[/li]
[li]The most important quality of a member is to be both LDS and not LDS at the same time.[/li]
[li]The big time partying for those of us who still imbibe will be along the lines of http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=63901&highlight=drinking+AND+game[/list=a][/li]
I’ll leave the rules revision and modification to my followers.[sup]6[/sup]
p.s. Don’t forget about the dues. AFAIC, merely reading the MI’s postings qualifies as extremely expensive.
[sup]1[/sup]I say mysterious intelligence because it’s mysterious to me if said individual has any.
[sup]2[/sup]I’ve taken the liberty of rationalizing the spelling of the MI.
[sup]3[/sup]I see here a possible rift, a schism if you will, in the Movement. I attempted to share the Holy Toy of Critical Thinking with the MI. Another member posited that it was a waste of time to so do. His contention was that the MI could not think critically as the MI lacks the ability to think.
[sup]4[/sup]Yet another rift in the making. I’ve consistently held that telekinesis isn’t possible.
[sup]5[/sup]One definition and only one per word please. Remember, we’re attempting to keep our followers in thrall. I prefer enthralled but you have to let the enemy…er, some folks get some entertainment out of the ceremony.
[sup]6[/sup]Of course I get the final approval on any rule, revision, bylaw, ceremony, or rite. It’s a cult after all! And, as a cult leader, I shall, of course, claim that any revisions are not only mine but are also the original and only version of the Movement’s Missives.