May your google searches yield zero results.
I know you’re living in a foreign country but you shouldn’t have forgotten how to speak English quite so soon.
I inflatulate in your general direction.
Are you fornicating well desirous of a portion? Are you, therefore?
You… you heartless bastard. I challenge you to a knife fight.
I’d like to wish you much joy in your attempts at self-fornication. And good day to you.
Before I say anything, I need to know whether this is this a thread where Pit Rules apply or a non-Pit rules, Pit thread?
Your teeth are ever so slightly off center.
I was all ready to challenge you to a duel, until I realized that you DIDN’T say my mother was an elderberry and my father smelt of hamsters. So never mind.
[purrs] Oh, my. You are a speedy reader, aren’t you? [/purrs]
But there, you did say something. Just what are you playing at?
Y’all come back now!
A calumnious assertion, sir! Retract forthwith or be accused of bestiality!
You, sir or madam, are the exception that proves the rule.
A lot of these have been quite funny, but this is the only one that literally made me LOL. 
[TheSphinx] You dress in the manner of a male prostitute[TheSphinx]
I verily reckon that I could become accustumed to victorian vituperations.
I might I suggest, per chance, good sirs, and madams, you should consider the merits of a colon examination with a cactus?
Since we’re being nice:
May an acetylene torch (set on it’s lowest heat setting) be applied to your anus (which has been thoroughly swabbed with Preparation H).
How much nicer can I be?
I say! No, dash it all, I say! That is just not on!
May all of your future endeavors and relationships be almost satisfying.