The lies of gum

Being a smoker, I am also a gum chewer. I try to keep my breath reasonable, so I check a fair number of pieces of Gum. These days it seems like every day some new fancy gum comes out promising fabulous breakthroughs in tooth-cleaning, Breshfreshing, and hot-chick attracting capabilities. I buy enough gum that I get sent coupons for all the newest stuff.

I got a pack of REACT gum a couple days ago for cheap. They have such fancy commercials, the package claims “A unique mint flavor Experience” Long since having been hardened against the claims of amazing, I was at least expecting something unique.

It tastes exactly like centuries old standard,Doublemint. Albeit it with the slight twinge of nutrasweet, but it is the exact same flavor we had achieved when I was 5, and however many score years before that.

Flavor Doesn’t last any long either. After 3 minutes it is at 40%, and after 6 it is a flavorless blob.

Apparently we had already achieved the zenith of gum artisan-ship while car still had fins, but we failed to celebrate the achievement.