No link, plenty to snark on – I’m going to leave it open.
Have fun, y’all.
Can we count on fast responses from your customer service?
So much coffee I had to clean up from that part. I do see Drew’s point now.
By golly, if I spend $149K, I want free shipping!
And, if I act now, I want two extra gemstones for the price of one, a DVD explaining how to use the gemstone, a set of smaller gemstones that I can use to cut a shoe, and the Cap Snaffler. But only if it really, really works.
Regards,
Shodan
Nope, I bet he didn’t.
And if that IS the president of the channel, then the president needs to quit googling versions of his name and do his actual job. If that’s not (as I highly suspect - I’m sorry, poor “cheap intern” (and, incidentally, how is calling your staff ‘cheap-ass interns from the dregs of the industry’ LESS offensive than calling them actresses?) that you have to spam message-boards (chat-rooms, seriously?) like this to keep your job) then there are better things to be having your interns do than providing endless amusement to internet denizens.
Good day to you fine ladies and gentlemen,
I am Mr. Ohnotnow. I live in Nigeria and find myself in dire circumstance. My uncle, MR. Okthenwhen, died recently, shortly after converting his vast fortune to uncut tanzanite gems. They must be smuggled out of the country in the rectums of brave volunteers.
I wonder if any of you would be interested in a opportunity for wealth? Here is my offer. Buy a round trip ticket to Nigeria and send me your flight schedule. I will meet you at the airport, and together, in an airport bathroom, we will stuff as much tanzanite as possible into your ass. When you return home, remove and sell the tanzanite, and set aside half of your profits for me. Of course I expect you to deduct your travel expenses. I will trust you with my half of the profit until I exit Nigeria following the last assload.
You are gonna have Mangetout on your ass in no time.
Regards,
Shodan
Do I get to use the cardboard tube?
We’re talking about tanzanite here, not impossible anal rape!
I’d take another look at those prices if I were you, dude. 
I will lower the price so much that the anal tanzanite rape will no longer be impossible!
We cheat the other guy and pass the savings along to you!
Considering the chances that I would willingly allow rocks to be shoved up my ass - Tanzanian or otherwise, tubed, lubed or cubed - the only way it COULD happen would have to be considered rape.
'Tis one of those things I’m quite willing to knock without trying.
Heh…you said “deepest, warmest.”
You’re beginning to piss me off, SBectonLC. I really don’t care what you think about tanzanite and anal rape, and refraining from mentioning it during the holiday season.
However, come January, I will be highly entertained if you endorse anal rape with tanzanite, or even tanzanite enemas if we want to put a cheerier term to it.
He’s going to reintroduce himself every time, isn’t he? 
Okay, maybe that IS a parody.
The suspension of disbelief is getting a little more difficult.
But seriously, whoever is writing that as a comedy item, you are hilarious. I want to subscribe to your newsletter.
It wasn’t smuggled out in somebody’s ass?
We’re not actually at the Liquidation Channel, though (nor are we in a chat, BTW). You’re in our house, dawg.
FYI, here is the registration agreement for the Straight Dope Message Board, which you agreed to when you signed up. (Associated rules are also posted as sticky threads there in ATMB, and MPSIMS specific rules are posted as sticky threads here in MPSIMS.) There is no part of the agreement that prevents us from comparing your products to lewd and criminal sexual acts.
Sorry! I doubt we’re your target audience anyway.