The Marmite Horror

I think using “G-d” was for effect as he is the same person that started this thread.

Also, I’d love to see so skillful a pitting of a U.S. foodstuff or even a less skillful one. Its fun to see what others think of my culture.

That may well be so, but “good” is exactly what this one is not.

Marmite on hot toast is simply divine. Vegemite, on the other hand, is the Devil’s own poo in a jar.

That would mean that observant* Jews could never write the word “God,” though.

To the OP - excellent parody! And I think Smurfs only add to the horror… :eek:
*I’ve forgotten if all or only some Jewish people do this. Sorry.

What do you do with the industrial waste from an over-inflated brewing industry?

Put it in a pot and sell it to the British.

Light rye bread, lightly toasted, little bit of butter, your choice of ‘mite’ and thinly sliced aged cheddar cheese on top.

Together with a strong cup of tea - that’s what life is about.

TLDR. Didn’t need to.

People need to be educated about marmite.

If you think you spread it on toast like jam - you’re an idiot. That would be like covering your roast beef or pork in mustard… covering.

No, marmite should be spread very thinly, on toast made from nice bread and real butter. The butter should have first been spread immediately after the toast leaves the toaster or the grill.

Though all I have experienced is New Zealand Marmite, which is apparently unique amongst yeast extract spreads, this man speaks truly.

Marmite and its cousins are not to be spread like peanut butter, they should be treated more like caviar.

If there are any Danes around here, they surely know what Magazine is, for the non-Danes, it is a huge, fancy store in the heart of Copenhagen. Their supermarket prides on carrying any possible food in their “exotic foods” section.

A few years back in one of your visits to DK we decided to procure some marmite for a friend. We usually exchange foodstuff when we travel. If any one store in Denmark carried the stuff it would surely be Magazine.

Off we went, and amidst strange sweets from the Middle East, odd sauces from Italy and bizarre concoctions from India no marmite could be found. We summoned an attendant, who went to find his supervisor since he really had no idea of what we wanted.

The supervisor heard our requests and shook his head with a sad expression:

“Marmite? We stopped carrying it after some customers reported falling ill after trying it.”

In the past week, I’ve enjoyed marmite, vegemite, and even a bit of promite! I just got a new 2.5 kg tub of vegemite shipped in, so all’s well at the Mercotan household at present.

Marmite is my fave of the three, best for spreading on things to be consumed immediately, but vegemite is better for cooking, in things like stews, sauces, and chowders. Promite is handy to have when the vegemite and marmite run out. And it goes nice with neutronium.

And I’ll say ‘hi’ to Cthulhu next time I cross my xmex-like snout with his tentacled face, and tell him the OP did a lovely parody, and should have the honor of being eaten first, when Cthulhu gets back. After being coated with Marmite, of course. :smiley:

Gee. Thanks!

BTW, Sunshine - well put!

The level of horror expressed at Marmite always amuses me. It’s great stuff. I grew up on it.

Good call! After all, it does seem to be pedo week here in The Pit.:stuck_out_tongue:

That was genius! :smiley:

I know what I am having as a snack later =)

Wasn’t the OP just parodying the style of Lovecraft? Did Lovecraft write ‘G-d’ and ‘Chr-st’?

(And why is it always the vowels that are omitted? Are they the pulsing heart of the words, and the consonants just the crunchy shell?)

I’m actually not sure whether or not Lovecraft wrote “G-d” - but yah, I figured it fit in with the rest of the purple prose, so I went with it. :slight_smile:

Just substitute peanut butter for the holiness that is Marmite and the story aint so bad.

To those of you who have not tasted of the Marmitey goodness…for shame I say, for shame.

Marmite eaters of the world, unite

I read that as ‘I know who I am having as a snack later’…