Mods, this is a game but may have potential to get nasty. Please feel free to move it if people decide to get rude. I
Hypothetically let’s suppose that you own a message board similar to the Straight Dope. What are the rules you would institute that would eliminate your own pet peeves?
Here is a brief list of my rules:
Bad Puns are punishable by suspension and/or banning *
Spammers will be reported to the proper authorities and banned immediately. **
Questioning the rules means instant suspension. Repeated questioning results in an IP block.
No Carrot Top hater threads. Carrot Top appreciation threads welcome. Mwuhahahah (the board of evil)***
Posters who primarily post one liners and no other substance will have their posting cut off unless they can write at least a paragraph. “Me too” posters will be maimed. ****
Minions and supplicants welcome. They are still subject to rule number 5, especially the me too clause.
I obviously plan on having a board traffic of just me.
There are no good puns. I really hate puns. Now where is my favorite Piers Anthony book when I need it. Whoops. Ya’ll weren’t supposed to see that. Suspension for me. I hope I can float in it.
** Something the SDMB does very well.
*** He would be dreamy if he did something with that mop of his hair.
**** Of course the board magically tracks all of this behind the scenes and limits it on an algorythm that suits my current whim.
Anyone presented with sufficient evidence (as decided by me) contrary to a view of theirs will be forced to post a full retraction and apology. If not, they will be banned and replaced with a chat-bot.
Any poster who basically repeats an earlier post to the same thread, whether or not the “haven’t read the whole thread, yet” disclaimer is made, will have posting rights revoked for 48 hours.
1a) Lenience may be granted (on a case by case basis) for a resurrected thread with more than a 2 month “dead period” or those over 10 pages in length. But don’t count on it.
Multiple (more than three, in this case) threads saying essentially the same thing, on the same topic, whether by the same or multiple posters, in the space of less than 24 hours, will result in a 48 hour suspension of posting rights. Exception may be granted in the case of Simulposted OPs, but count on all the threads being merged, anyway. Involuntary double (or triple, quadruple, etc) posts are, of course, exempt.
All TMI posts will be accompanied by large, high-res pictures, as will all posts involving boobies, genitalia, porn, or anything else I deem worthy of illustration.
Posters using improper grammar will be flogged. This includes (but is not limited to):
-Failure to capitalize proper nouns or the first words of sentences
-Rambling, run-on sentences
-Failure to distinguish paragraphs
-Insufficient use or overuse of punctuation, such as the following:
“I went to the store to buy a dozen eggs celery and tomatoes and I came home with a box of chocolates a bag of candy corn and three pairs of shoes.”
Once a particular phrase starts to become a cliché (e.g. “Hi Opal!” and the more recent “when come back bring pie”) continued use of said phrase would be a bannable offense. The poster in question would be warned and directed to a list of forbidden phrases and be sternly told to never do it again.
No thread older than one week without new posts could be bumped (it could still be read, of course).
A cap of 100 posts per thread would be imposed (perhaps I could be more generous with this one).
LOL Thanks Shirly. Perhaps we can infest eachother’s boards with trolls. I would subject you to an attack of Piers Anthony punsters ™ and see how long you can hold out with the bad puns. I think you will crack beforehand. Just don’t send them to my board, they would get banned. Remember, my board will be a lonely place because I would be so draconian. (Where is that damn evil smiley when I need it?)
Whoops. Ya’ll weren’t supposed to see that. 
Suspension for me. I hope I can float in it.
Perhaps we can infest eachother’s boards with trolls. I would subject you to an attack of Piers Anthony punsters ™ and see how long you can hold out with the bad puns. I think you will crack beforehand. 
Just don’t send them to my board, they would get banned.