The missing minutes in Martin's monologue (SNL)?

Cafe Society
1

I caught a repeat of Martin Lawrence hosting SNL. He comes out and starts his monologue making fun of John Bobbit and then starts on to a new topic. The new topic he was going to start on had to do with the personal hygiene of women, or something like that. There was a disclaimer (which was pretty funny) saying network standards wouldn’t allow that part to be re-aired and nearly cost everyone their jobs. So is this like the missing Nixon tapes? Did anyone ever see what he actually said? I would guess that it’s just a part of his usual stand-up act (though I’m not really familiar with his act), but it must have been bad if it can’t be aired several years after it happened. How bad was it?

As a kind of aside, did the episode with Sinead O’Connor ripping the picture of the Pope ever re-air? I’ve seen some re-runs of her on SNL, but I don’t know if the picture rip was edited out or if it was a completely different show.

2

I remember Martin Lawrence doing a monologue where he all he did was rant about how nasty it is to perform cunnilingus on a woman who doesn’t douche. I guess taht was the one you saw.

3

I saw that Martin Lawrence episode when it aired originally. My recollection is the same as Manduck’s. I remember sitting there with one of my friends in silence as his monologue just went on-and-on. . . You’ll have to just take my word for it that we are not easily offended people! Nevertheless, we didn’t find it the least bit funny and ended up just changing channels shortly after. I don’t think you’re missing anything particularly worthwhile. I remember the monologue as being very crude, somewhat misogynistic, and just plain unfunny.
That was my first exposure to Martin Lawrence, and I haven’t been able to stand him ever since.

4

Every episode of Saturday Night Live is preceded by a dress rehearsal before a studio audience, which is also taped. Sinead had held up a photo of a child at the end of her performance in the dress rehearsal, so that performance was substituted for the Pope-ripping one for reruns and syndication.

In the recent book Live From New York Lorne Michaels said he wouldn’t have had a problem with Sinead ripping the photo, if only she’d told him ahead of time. He respects self-expression but doesn’t like to be blindsided.

I don’t know anything at all about your Martin Lawrence question.

5

Rather ironic, as the only point to doing a show like this live is the possibility of the unexpected. Otherwise why not just tape it and maintain control?

The Sinead O’Connor bit is far from the only time this has been done. Whenever a sketch goes poorly during the live show, it’s replaced with the dress rehearsal version for repeats. They sometimes even do this when there’s nothing obviously wrong with the live version. IMO, this entirely defeats the purpose of doing the show live. Why not just tape the show if they don’t want anything to ever go wrong?

6

But in all fairness to Lorne Michaels, the reason he doesn’t want to be blindsided has more to do with wanting to be prepared for any potential backlash. The audience doesn’t need to be prepared for backlash. :slight_smile:

7

What about the infamous Steve Martin monologue where he said something like, “What’s black and doesn’t move? Darryl Stingley!”

I saw that live and have always wondered whether it would ever be rebroadcast.

Barry

8

He did the material from his HBO Comedy Special:

“I love women. I’d like to go down on every women here. But the sad fact is, not all of you know how to wipe your ass properly. Front to back, ladies; not back to front. Don’t bring the s#!ttie to the c!&ttie.”

“I’ll be the first person to tell a women she smells funky. <mimes rubbing fingers on woman then putting up to here nose.> You smell that?! That’s you. That ain’t me; it’s you. You need to douche. Hell, I’ll do it for you. <mimes squeezing bottle> Squash SQUASH!!!”

9

OK, so I didn’t miss anything. The little message that replaced the monologue was much funnier than what Martin actually said.

10

I always assumed that there was no missing block of monologue. My impression was that Martin spoke long enough to get to the disclaimer, then he stopped while the disclaimer was being run, then he started up again, pretending as if he had been talking throughout the disclaimer. You mean the disclaimer wasn’t just a joke? There really was stuff cut out?

Dang, the West Coast gets SO cheated!

11

… and yet he’s the millionaire. sigh…

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Um… some of you are not washing your ass properly.* (laughter & applause) OK? Don’t- don’t get me wrong, not all, some of you, you know what I’m sayin’, uh… I’m sorry, ‘Cause uh, listen, now, I don’t know what it is a woman got to do to keep up the hygiene on the body I know, uh, I’m watching douche commercials on television, and I’m wonderin’ if some of you are reading the instructions. I don’t think so. Y’know, 'cause I’m getting with some of the ladies, smelling odors, going “Wait a minute. (gestures with index finger) Girl, smell this! This you! Smell yourself, girl.”

Smell yourself! I tell a woman in a minute, douche! douche! Some women don’t like when you tell them that, when you straightforward with them. “Douche!” They, (imitating woman) “Forget you! You cannot douche all the time, you’re gonna wash all the natural juices out the body.” I say, well, I dont give a damn what you do, put a Tic-Tac in your ass. Put a Cert in your ass. Oh, oh, y’know, this look like a good damn place for a Stick-up up in your ass.

I’m sorry, y’all. You got to wash properly. You know, and then, you know, ‘cause I’m a man, I like to kiss on women, you know, I like to kiss all over their bodies, you know. But if you’re not clean in your proper areas I can’t… you know… kiss all over the places I wanna kiss. You know, some women’ll let you go down, you know what I’m sayin’, knowin’ they got a yeast infection. (Some audience disgust) I’m sorry. Sorry. Come up with dough all on your damn lip… Got a bagel and a croissant on your lip. “Anybody got any butter?” I like jelly on mine.

13

That was well worth the wait !

14

Just blatant plagarisation of the address comic actor ‘Bobbity’ Jim Roberts, The Yukmeister of the Midwest, was hired to give at the celebratory dinner of McKinley’s inauguration.

15

If you really want to hear the material, that bit appears on his stand-up special “You So Crazy.”

16

What does he want them to douche with? Jay Leno’s “Headlines” featured an ad from an old magazine where a woman said she “restored harmony to my marriage” by using…

LYSOL!

:eek:

Women really shouldn’t douche anyway, unless it’s recommended by a doctor, because the vagina does a very good job of keeping itself clean.