Last holiday season several children which I live with received voice disguising toys from a family friend. I am now looking for revenge. The friend is a heavy metal musician so most toy instruments would not be capable of creating sufficient loud and annoying enough noise for this individual to have the holiday he deserves. Does anyone have experience with those kiddie cotton candy makers to know if they are as potentially disasterous as the idea suggests? No idea is too disgusting?
http://www.toystogrowon.com/sku177 – Spin art toy
Also, if he likes metal, chances are something that sings an annoying and repetitive kiddie song might be annoying. So if his kids are preschoolers, try a Sing-a-ma-jig: http://www.thesingamajigs.com/landing.aspx
If that won’t work, and you don’t like the spin art, find a craft kit that uses glitter. That shit goes everywhere and is impossible to clean up. I’ve seen it referred to as the herpes of craft supplies.
Just today I learned of the existence of the I Am T-Pain Microphone.
For low tech irritation it’s hard to beat Kerbangers
Does the target household have a carpet? If so, a simple pack of Play-Doh will do the trick nicely.
Likewise, sand art craft kits. Even better, the linked item glows in the dark! So you can’t get away from the mess even if you turn off the lights. 
Seconding glitter! My husband is still sometimes called Deputy Sparkles due to a two-year-old encounter with a pre-teen girl who received a glitter art kit from her step grandmother! It was weeks before we eradicated all signs of that gift! (On sparkly day one, his uniform, his coat, his bald head, and his dog were glinting! By day four, the dog still scintillated in the sunlight.)
I recall that Furbies were also highly annoying, what with the whole “chattering at random moments” thing. Perhaps there’s a new generation of something similar? Seems I’ve recently seen something like that marketed toward little girls?
For my brother, the ultimate revenge was a 5,000 piece bead kit. Our girls were four and one. The beads were tiny. There were beads everywhere for weeks.
Rock Tumbler (might have to check ebay). Or what about one of those mini marshmallow shooters. Not noisy annoying, but marshmallows flying all over the house annoying.
This lasted appx 2 minutes before it was “lost” forever.
I sent Fire Ants back to the giver.
I second this…the one I got as a kid was capable of slinging paint across the kitchen. (I only got to use it once.)
Moon Sand (or, better yet, Aqua Sand) and Silly Putty and Catch-a-Bubble with a salt shaker full of glitter.
Remember in an arms race, there are no winners, only losers. Sure, your friend may have to suffer a year full of glittering sand and spattered paint, but next year your kids are getting a puppy.
Still, if you’re determined to do this, type these four words into Google: “Talking Justin Bieber Doll”. Twist the knife by casually saying, “I know you’re into music, so I thought this would be perfect.”
Pets.
My brother once bought my daughter an iguana.
I told him if he ever has kids I’m buying them a fucking horse.
My parents got these for my cousins as revenge for my aunt giving my brother and I fingerpaints one year. Everyone had a great time playing bowling on the wooden staircase all holiday long, as I recall.
Laser pistols with noise and lights! Another child-pleaser parent-ruiner.
And the classic: paint
If the kids are old enough to play it, it’s perfect!
If they are very small children…well, I gave one of these toy dogs to a friend’s child once, with pure intentions. Everyone loved it at first. The child especially loved it. But after a few days, the parents hated it and hated me.
barking somersault dog
That is utterly diabolical.
Crayola Colored Bubbles.
Supposedly washable but there is so much dye in the mix it stains pretty much everything. Not easily removed from skin, my concrete garage floor, clothes, or anything else they should choose to pop against. Bloody briliant idea :rolleyes:.
Yes, these are a nightmare. It’s not so much the bubbles that are horrible as the sloshing and spilling that comes with the ultra concentrated liquid as a toddler wobbles around the room with it in hand. The kids hands will be covered in dark blue and green dye, staining everything he touches.
I would normally recommend a drum set but I guess a musician could handle that.
I thought Greg Charles’ “Talking Justin Bieber Doll” was banned in the Genva accords, otherwise it fits the bill.
How about a pony?