OK, let’s wallow in the mud. We’ve all heard pick-up lines from corny to crude… what’s the absolute worst? Not the most ineffectual – what’s the most vile, base, crude line that’s been used on you? (I guess I’ll add “…or in your presence…”) to widen the playing field.
Although the reason for this posting was that I remembered, apropos of nothing, standing in a bar about twenty years ago, and this absolutely wasted girl flung her arms around me and said slurrily, “I bet you have an enormous shlong.”
Not exactly what the OP was looking for, but once a girl in a bar in China grabbed my junk with absolutely no provocation or warning. Being gay, this was not as effective a come-on as it could’ve been.
I had somebody grab me once, when Iwas really young and didn’t know enough to turn around and pop them one. Right between the legs. It was very unpleasant and to this day makes me want to cross my legs tightly. I can’t really emphasize how terribly uncomfortable and unpleasant that was. I still remember what the asshole looked like.
The one I remember the best and was the most amusing was this:
I was at an Indian wedding. Indian weddings are huge, and I was hanging out with some kids in the coat room. I was 17, and my cousins were there, and this 15 YO boy who clearly had a crush on me. He was very…cocky, and confident of himself. I admit I was enjoying the attention.
Anyway, there was a lull when my cousins and friends left me and it was just him and me in the coat room, and he looked up at me (he was shorter than me!) and said, “You wanna have sex with me?”
Not that crude in the words, but honestly! All of our parents were right in the next room, our aunts, uncles, everybody we knew.
Plus, and I have wondered this every since, what if I had said yes? Where would we have gone? Not in the coatroom, my friends would be back soon… Out in the yard? I think someone would have noticed we were missing.
I didn’t say yes, btw. His absolute cockiness was kind of charming in a way but how crude - plus he looked so young!
When I worked the drive-through at McDonald’s, there was a guy who used to come through and hit on me a few times a week and I’d brush it off. Then, he came by one day with another guy in the car and asked for a “furburger”. I said, “Eww! No, that’s disgusting!” Of course, then, it took forever for the line to move so he could get away from the window. He never came back again.
I know a guy who wanted a table in a crowded restaurant, so he walked up to a table full of women and smiled and asked them “who wants their pussy licked?”
They vacated the table within just a couple minutes.
I was in the public library downtown, browsing through the stacks, when a creepy-looking middle-aged guy came up to me, grinned lewdly, and slurred “You looking for a…you know…a real boyfriend?” It doesn’t sound like much, but it was just the slimiest, grossest tone ever.
I told him, in no uncertain terms and quite loudly, to get away from me before I called the police. Whose headquarters were about three blocks away. Wouldn’t you think that before you sleazily come on a lone young woman in a public place, you’d pick a place that wasn’t served by three different kinds of police presence within a block radius, a security staff, and packed full of people in uniform on their lunch break from Defense? Really?
Overheard, it would have to be the time one of my friends was being hit on in a club by the most determined guy I’ve ever seen–he was chatting her up, the whole nine yards, and then somewhere it took a turn for the bizarre when he started asking her “So what do you want me to call you, babycakes?” She’s Indian, by the way. “Brown sugar? My little chocolate sundae?” And on and on and on he went, coming up with increasingly strange food-related nicknames. Noticing that I was a little too interested in his (hilarious) conversation, he called one of his buddies over to talk to me, and introduced him with “This is my main man [whatever his name was, I’ve long since forgotten]. He’s got a kid!”
I mean, the conversation pretty much died after that.
There was a woman who worked in a bar in Frankfurt where I used to go have a drink now and again. This woman was possibly a bar girl back in the day, but that day was long gone. At the time I’d have put her age at somewhere between 50-60+, and the years had not been kind. I know she was a widow, although I don’t think that there was much to the marriage. I was in my mid 30s.
One night she asked me for a ride home, somewhere pretty far out of my way. I politely begged off. Then she offered to blow me during the drive there, in way of compensation. I’m hard put to think of anything less enticing.
I was 16 and my mom and I were living in a little artsy-fartsy town in Mexico with a large expat population. Mom had made friends with a 60-ish American couple living nearby. One evening (around maybe 7PM) the husband showed up to visit. I explained that mom was out at the moment and he left. About 15 minutes later he came back and tried to invite himself in (I was standing in the doorway talking to him on the stoop); when it became clear that I didn’t particularly want to let him in to “chat” he suggested we have sex (I forget the exact wording but it was pretty blunt) and tried to stroke my breasts in a “seductive” manner ( :rolleyes: :dubious: :mad: and also :ick: ). I told him quite firmly to go away and locked the door. I was a totally antisocial unfeminine nerd even then; dunno what made him think that there was a chance in hell that I would go along with the idea.
In my later life I’ve come across a few guys who went for the non-verbal “grab something and squeeze” method of conversational opener, which is more vile and revolting than pretty much any pick-up line, and, judging from myself and those of my female friends with whom I have discussed the topic, has a 100% fail rate.
When I was pregnant with my first kid, I hadn’t gotten into trouble with it yet and was at the library getting a few books to lug around to doctors appointments, call it about 5 months along. being pretty skinny, I was obviously pregnant.
A guy slimmed up to me and asked if I wanted to fuck, because ‘since you already have a bun in the oven you cant get knocked up’
:eek:
he didnt realize that my boyfriend of the time, a cop was hanging out in the next aisle over. He popped around the corner and dragged the guy off by his arm. Im pretty sure there was some police brutality occurring, but we never discussed it, and the guy never bothered me in the library again …
“If you can lock the place up for a little while, I’ll take you in the back and suck your dick,” spoken by a drunk stripper when I—as a cute 22-year old about a zillion years ago—was working the graveyard shift at a 7-11 in Oxnard, CA.
“I could kill you with my bare hands”. I didn’t realize at first that he was hitting on me. I wasn’t afraid of him since a very large bouncer that I’m friends with was only a few feet away.
I was a freshman in college, on campus, walking along at night with a (also female) friend. A car pulls up and the college guy in the passenger seat says, “You two are fat but I’d fuck you anyway.” Then they drive off.
I was stunned, partially from the crudity and partly because I was thinking, “I’m not fat, this is a really huge sweater!” :smack:
I once supervised a night shift in a small manufacturing plant. One the employees claimed to be having trouble with a machine and I assumed the operator’s position to check it out. She sat next to me, much closer than required, and squeezed me inappropriately. Extremely inappropriately. And then, with her mouth close to my ear, whispered: I want to suck this all night. She gave me a little shake with her hand so there could be no mistake as to what she wanted to suck. Brazen little hussy.
A guy I just laid eyes on, mere minutes before, is kicked back on the couch at a friend’s house. Friend leaves the room for a moment and we’re alone…
“my name’s Tyrone. my hobbies are basketball, video games, and sex.” :: pulls penis from pants and waggles it at me::
um… no.
2) Walking down the street at about 8 1/2 months pregnant, a truck honks at me from behind and pulls to the curb. Seeing me from the front, he whistles, “Damn, you’d be really hot if you weren’t pregnant.” slight pause, “Do you have a sister?”
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was walking to the gym, listening to music, when some guy stopped and said something. I figured he was asking for directions so I took off my headphones and said “sorry?”
“I said … I would like … to fuck you.”
I’m pretty sure he was mentally ill. He was dressed like a bum and had this “not quite right” look in his eyes.
