An embarrassing encounter crossed my mind today, and I said “wtf”.
Let’s all come clean!
Leave your inhibitions behind, don’t front being a stud or a slut…
Just give us your most embarrassing hookup moment. It doesn’t matter if you were the pickupper or the pickuppee so long as we get the whole truth… Your gender and the gender of your partner are probably relevant as well.
I’m a guy… In 1997 I accidently picked up a cocktail waitress in a bar in the Chicago suburbs by responding with the ultimate low-life drink order: “A Barcardi Coke and a Blowjob”. Granted my BAC was at least 0.2%, and the waitress was the most overweight girl in the whole bar, but I had been a regular for a few weeks, and was without a doubt the best tipper they had seen for a while.
Anyway, while expecting a slap across the face and probably a swift ass-kicking to go along with my imminent two-month banning, the girl…
… opened wide and said “INSERT HERE!”.
I was drunk, single, and horny. I couldn’t resist. Felt bad and disgusting the next morning.
Roger- No, I’m a Bacardi man… But your apologies are graciously accepted.
Sucks about the lost post… a brief recap follows:
One time a girl walked into my house without knocking, yelling “Lady In Distress!!!”.
She came in through the open garage door, and claimed she picked my house because my friend’s car in the driveway had no hubcaps and therefore she figured he was probably black. (This was a very expensive gated community with minimum rents of $2k/month, FWIW)
Apparently blacks are more receptive to drunk white girls barging into their house uninvited at 2:30 am… ?
Anyway, my friend left and she stayed the night.
She insisted that I give her anal which I did, afterwhich I drove her back to the bar where she left her car, and then I never saw her again. She liked it.
I felt dirty. I found out the next day that she picked up some drunk then stole his wallet and fled his house before picking mine based on racism. She also left half the cash from his wallet ($400) and we found the wallet in my driveway.
I reported everything besides the anal sex, and gave the wallet and cash to the apartment managers who gave it back to my neighbor.
I’m looking for fellow dirty dopers - maybe we can counsel each other and reconcile our dirty deeds.
I met a cute blonde who always attended bingo with her elderly neighbor at our firehouse. She was married, and although we flirted, it never went beyond talk.
She called me at home one Saturday, freaking out because her husband had tried to fix the kitchen faucet and it was leaking all over the place. I drove over to their house and started figuring out what was wrong. He said he had to go to work, handed me two twenties and said, “Take care of anything else she wants.” As I was finishing reassembling the faucet a few minutes later, she walked into the kitchen nekkid and said, “You heard him.”
Mine was about 5 months ago. I was having drinks in a bar that I patronize on a regular basis. I was talking to a man I have known for at least ten years. We would see each other here an there at the local taverns in town and always said hi and sometimes made ideal chit chat. We started flirting which is something we had never done before. Of course more drinking and flirting…
Me: you have really sexy brown eyes
Him: oh really
Me: OH yeah
Him: would you like to come home with me sometime?
Me: yes I would really like that
Him: when?
Me: right now
Him: umm right now?
Me: yes, RIGHT NOW?
We left about an hour later and had hours of fun on his living room floor and in his bed. We also laughed and talked for hours after. I don’t know how slutty it was but it was really forward of me especially since I have known him so long and there never seemed to be any attraction between us.
we have been together since that day. He says that I tricked him and I tell him that he was a crap shoot that just happened to pay off
A girl kept on looking over at me at the concert I was at. She was with a guy, so I really wasn’t sure what her situation was. After about an hour of eye flirts, I saw the guy heading towards the bar. So I figured I’d get her info, if she was single, with him, or available.
He said “She wants to have sex with you”. At which point I was real happy. Then he said “And so do I”. That caught me off guard. Flattery got him nowhere, but I ended up in a pile of leaves outside with her within the hour.
My best guy friend picked up a girl who called herself Diamond or Ruby or Sapphire outside a bar one night. He took her for a ride on his motorcycle … back to his place, where the proceeded to have sex three times in the next 12 hours. And those were the first three times he’d ever had sex.
On my way from Switzerland to Berlin by train. Stopover in Frankfurt…LONG stopover. Went to a Gay leather bar in Frankfurt, even though it was early evening. Couple of interesting guys. Saw one. He looked, I looked. End of story.
Three hours later, got on the train for the overnight trip (back before the Wall was down and the trip now is faster). I had booked a sleeper cabin. Went in. Three beds stacked high. One little old lady sitting on lower bunk.
Guess who was the other passanger? Dude from leather bar. He walked in, looked at me and then went out…a few minutes later came back in and told the elderly lady that he and I were cousins and wanted to talk and didn’t want to bother her. He found out there was a free bed in the next cabin…would she mind moving over there? She was sweet and said “no problem” and moved her luggage and went to the next cabin.
Two minutes after she left, he locked the cabin door, stripped and we had a great time. We never even introduced ourselves until afterwards.
Years ago, I was in the library going through a bunch of translations of Lao Tsu. This extremely geeky and attractive girl sits down at the table and does her thing for a while before looking up and saying “The Tao te Ching? That’s so sexy.” I laughed and said “Yeah, it gets me hot, too,” which I guess was exactly the wrong reaction because she seemed pretty offended and put out. (Heh. Didn’t intend the double entendre, but it’s funny so I’ll let it stand.)
Anyway, I get my foot out of my mouth and things are evidently smoothed over because she invites me back to her place for hot chocolate when the library folk start flicking the lights to signal that they’re about to close.
Her place was nearby and as soon as we were there she put on a Loggins and Messina album, which was excrutiating, but whaddya gonna say? Hot cocoa is prepared and halfway consumed before we’re making out on the livingroom floor. She unfailingly stopped each time the record “needed” changing. It was a really odd bit of dissonance – “This is great! This is great!” because, hey, unexpectedly finding yourself with an armful of girl is a good thing, and “This is horrible! This is horrible!” because the cheesiest music in the world is playing. At some point it became The Beach Boys. Eighties Beach Boys. Dear god.
Anyway, when things get pressing I ask if she’s got a bed tucked away somewhere. Really, the floor would be fine with me, but I just want to get away from the turntable. She seems reluctant. I soon find out why – her room is a sty. It’s littered with little girl things – and other things. A disorderly sea of stuffed toys, dirty laundry, snack wrappers and dirty dishes. Really, really abominable. She took a minute to prepare it, which as near as I could make out involved clearing things off the bed and piling them on the floor.
Anyway, we hooked up a few times after that but it didn’t hold up very well because I never did clue in that she didn’t have an ironic bone in her body, and kept hurting her feelings by responding to things she said in earnest as if she was joking. Still feel like an ass about that. Ah, well. I’m sorry, impulsive library geek-girl.
Stationed overseas, I was at the servicemen’s club, as I was every evening. There were three areas of congregation: the main ballroom with a stage and a live band, the dining area (closed for food, but with a couple turntables set up on folding tables and different music from the ballroom playing), and a pub-like area. I was in the pub, feeling sorry for myself whilst drinking heavily because my latest crush was in the ballroom with some other guy.
Anyhow, this large woman sits next to me and begins chatting me up, as they say. Didn’t take long before she was kissing me, and I suggested we move into the darker dining area/disco. We made out a bit in the back, had a few more drinks, I grudgingly gave her one dance, then we were headed back to my room before any of my friends saw me with her (yeah, real low, but it gets worse).
From our table in the back to the side door that leads out instead of to the rest of the club, we had to pass by the table with the turntables playing. Wouldn’t you know, her hip bumped the table, the record screeched, and everyone in the room turned to look.
The next morning, I took her to the taxi stand, gave her ten pounds, and actually ran away. Man, I was a stupid kid back then. Now, I’m a stupid old man.
I’ve had some pretty crazy ones (“OMFGYOU’RE 18??!!” “Oh, relax, would you?”), so I’ll say one of the nicest ones. I’m at a Homo Hop at McGill. I’m very depressed; this boy I like is in the middle of completely blowing me off (in the not-nice way), and the music is shite and has been shite since I got there.
I’m just about ready to leave when suddenly, the hip-hop stops and someone puts on “I Will Survive.” My mood instantly improves, I head out to dance, and literally within 15 seconds this gorgeous, tall, very femme boy with an unnatural hair colour comes up to me and starts dancing with me. Which never happens, ever.
It was as if the clouds broke and the sun came out, except it was 1 in the morning. I later got his phone number and we ended up dating for about two or three months. He was fun
Was on a cruise with 18 family members, looking forward to visiting Alaska but also expecting the trip to be a FAMILY kind of thing. Getting laid was the last thing on my mind only because hardly anybody there was younger than 40. After seeing “Welcome to Mooseport” in the ship’s movie theater I ambled my way to the bar to drink beer and kill time. On my 2nd beer it occurred to me that there was a woman across from the bar, but she was chatting it up with the bartender and looked as though she was flirting with him. She also looked around ten years older than me, so she kind of flew under the radar. However, at the time I didn’t have anything better to do, so I scooted over and talked with her. About an hour later I was haivng sex with her :eek:
As if that in itself wasn’t crazy, I was a virgin up to that point, the woman I was with was nearly ten years older than me (around 30) and a doctor :eek: Wow. Suffice to say, the vacation got a lot better after that point. I didn’t even stay in my own cabin half the trip, it was so incredible.
Unfortunately she had only intended it to be a fling and after the cruise I never saw her again
But your apologies are graciously accepted.
