The Most Metal Deaths in Middle Earth

[Lemur866]

For all you metal-heads and middle-earth-heads, I just had to share this link:

The Most Metal Deaths in Middle-earth, Ranked -The Toast

[neofishboy]

Love Gandalf’s entry.

Gandalf died after he, “Threw down my enemy… and broke the mountain-side where he smote it in his ruin,” which is the most metal line in the entire trilogy, and possibly all of English literature. Gandalf’s death was so metal he came back to life a different fucking color.

[Frodo]

If Fingolfin is not #1 they better have a very good explanation.

[RTFirefly]

I’m not exactly what you’d call a metalhead, but I thought that list was great.

ETA: Fingolfin is #1. Can’t argue with his logic.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

Fingolfin

In layman’s terms, Fingolfin rode to the gates of hell, fought Lucifer in single combat, and permanently maimed the Devil. Tolkien wrote that the Elves made no songs of that battle because their grief was too great, though had they known about electric guitars and power chords, they might have given it a shot. Still, the Song of Fingolfin remains the greatest metal song yet unsung.

[Frodo]

In fact there is a song about the dead of Fingolfin, Blind Guardian’s "Time stands still (at the Iron Hill)’, Is good but some of the lyrics don’t make sense (I don’t remember any mentions of Angband as “Iron Hill” in The Silmarilion).

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

Other worthwhile quotes from that link:

• Lúthien was the first person to choose Death over an eternity of heavenly light, spring festivals, and harp music. That’s metal.

• which suggests that Huan was so metal people took one look at him and thought, “Only the mightiest wolf to ever walk the earth can kill this dog.”

• Gandalf’s death was so metal he came back to life a different fucking color.

• Fëanor was the mightiest and most talented of the elves, and also their biggest asshole.

[neofishboy]

“Accidental incest is not metal.”

[Quercus]

So Bad Guys don’t count in that list? I mean, IIRC, the Ringwraiths (who start off with possibly the most metal name in Middle Earth) are flying on winged hell-beasts when they spontaneously combust into bright flame, then fall as ashes. That’s Black Sabbath levels of metal right there.

And when Sauron dies, he brings entire cities and towers crashing to earth. Though turning into a tower of smoke that gets blown away by the wind is really more Donovan than metal, so maybe he doesn’t rank that high in the end.
But given their description of Luthien’s choice, that’s really got to be #1 doesn’t it?

[Lemur866]

Turin should be higher up on the list:

Then he drew forth his sword and said: “Hail Gurthang, iron of death, thou alone now remainest! But what lord or loyalty dost thou know, save the hand that wieldeth thee? From no blood wilt thou shrink! Wilt thou take Tùrin Turambar? Wilt thou slay me swiftly?”

And from the blade rang a cold voice in answer: “Yea, I will drink thy blood, that may I forget the blood of Beleg my master, and the blood of Brandir slain unjustly. I will slay thee swiftly.”

Then Tùrin set the hilts upon the ground, and cast himself upon the point of Gurthang, and the black blade took his life.

[Smapti]

I’d nominate Ar-Pharazon, the last king of Numenor, who died when he invaded Valinor and the Valar saw fit to change the shape of the Earth itself in order to further prevent him from insulting the Undying Lands with his presence.

[gnoitall]

@Lemur866

Turin should be higher up on the list:

It’s hard to get around the final scoring deduction:

Accidental incest is not metal.

[wolfman]

@Lemur866

Turin should be higher up on the list:

Suicide isn’t metal, it’s emo, or goth at best.

[Chronos]

Personally, my favorite line was “Ecthelion should have stopped the battle and suggested they move to a more suitably metal place, like a volcano or a fjord. A demon-lord called Gothmog would surely have agreed.”

And it’s worth noting that in every single known instance of anyone slaying a balrog, the slayer was himself slain in the process.

[D_Odds]

Elendil and Gil-galad died while taking out Sauron. Biting it in the middle of defeating a Dark Lord is very metal,

I shared this with my brother, and he pointed out that technically Elendil and Gil-Galad did not take out Sauron. They defeated his army, but it was Isildur who, with the remains of Elendil’s shattered sword, struck down Sauron.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

@D_Odds

I shared this with my brother, and he pointed out that technically Elendil and Gil-Galad did not take out Sauron. They defeated his army, but it was Isildur who, with the remains of Elendil’s shattered sword, struck down Sauron.

Untrue. That’s how it’s depicted in the films, but Sauron was thrown down by Elendil and Gil-Galad, though they perished in the process. Isildur stepped in and cut the ring and finger from Sauron’s hand as he lay defeated.

@Elrond

I was the herald of Gil-galad and marched with his host. I was at the Battle of Dagorlad before the Black Gate of Mordor, where we had the mastery: for the Spear of Gil-galad and the Sword of Elendil, Aiglos and Narsil, none could withstand. I beheld the last combat on the slopes of Orodruin, where Gil-galad died, and Elendil fell, and Narsil broke beneath him; but Sauron himself was overthrown, and Isildur cut the Ring from his hand with the hilt-shard of his father’s sword, and took it for his own.’

The Tale of Years has it like this:

3441 Sauron overthrown by Elendil and Gil-galad, who perish. Isildur takes the One Ring. Sauron passes away and the Ringwraiths go into the shadows. The Second Age ends.

And in the Silmarillion it is described thus:

at the last the siege was so strait that Sauron himself came forth; and he wrestled with Gil-galad and Elendil, and they both were slain, and the sword of Elendil broke under him as he fell. But Sauron also was thrown down, and with the hilt-shard of Narsil Isildur cut the Ruling Ring from the hand of Sauron and took it for his own.

So Isildur did separate Sauron from the ring and prevented him from reviving for long ages, but Elendil and Gil-Galad gave their lives to deliver the knock-out punch that let Isildur go in and do a little surgery.

[D_Odds]

@Qadgop_the_Mercotan

Untrue. That’s how it’s depicted in the films, but Sauron was thrown down by Elendil and Gil-Galad, though they perished in the process. Isildur stepped in and cut the ring and finger from Sauron’s hand as he lay defeated.

I’m far from the LotR trivia nerd that my brother is (or you, apparently). I’ll run this by him.

[Your_Great_Darsh_Face]

@Smapti

I’d nominate Ar-Pharazon, the last king of Numenor, who died when he invaded Valinor and the Valar saw fit to change the shape of the Earth itself in order to further prevent him from insulting the Undying Lands with his presence.

Strictly speaking, the Valar didn’t do that - they kicked it upstairs to the One, and it was He who reshaped the world. That’s right, Ar-Pharazon pissed off God as well as all the archangels.

[thelurkinghorror]

#2 Crying isn’t metal, unless they’re because you killed an enemy and just realized that he was the last one and there are no more enemies to kill.

Honorable mention: Saruman’s death wasn’t very metal, but it should be pointed out that Christopher Lee was very metal (literally: he put out a couple metal albums!), and told Jackson to change Saruman’s death rattle, because Lee knew from personal experience what a man sounded like when stabbed to death.

I also like Eöl, who was kind of a dick. He accidentally killed his own wife while trying to kill his son (Maeglin), then was thrown off a cliff, cursing his son. His son later became a dick and was killed in the same manner. Oh, Eöl also wore armor made from black metal. He’s not portrayed in corpsepaint, which I think is an inaccuracy in the annals.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

@Your_Great_Darsh_Face

Ar-Pharazon pissed off God as well as all the archangels.

And Eru dropped a bunch of mountains on him, but didn’t kill him, instead entombing him until the breaking of the world.

Heavy.