The mother's day conundrum

Great Debates
1

A hypothetical individual “Scylla” has a living mother, a wife, and two small children. He has not lived with his mother or received mothering services from her for 20 years. Mother’s day is coming up. “Scylla” is obligated to provide presents, cards, and cheer for his wife (the mother of his children currently receiving mothering services.) His children have an obligation to provide his wife with presents, cards, and cheer since they are in receipt of mothering services from her. However, being minors they are incapable of responsibly discharging this duty on their own. As father, Scylla is obligated to take on their responsibility as well, and “help” them celebrate mother’s day. “Help” means buy presents, and cards and engineer cheer for the children to deliver to their mother.

“Scylla” must therefore satisfactorily discharge three complete Mother’s Day obligations, basically by himself.

“Scylla’s” Mother maintains that he actually has a fourth obligation. To her.

Clearly, the women is in error. She is not a Mother. She is a Grandmother. She is not currently providing mothering services to anybody. She has been retired from the mothering racket for 20 years.

This is like somebody who retired 20 years ago showing up at the office Christmas party to drink free booze. A retired policeman does not get to carry a badge and stop vehicles for speeding. A retired mother should not get mother’s day presents.

Somebody who ran a marathon 20 years ago, but hasn’t run since does not get to say that they are a marathon runner. They don’t get medals after the race, and they don’t get to drink the gatorade and the eat the pizza at the finish line of marathons run today.

“Scylla’s” mother maintains that while this is accurate, the analogy is invalid. “Once a mother, always a mother,” and “I am still your mother.”

Yes, but a former President is still entitled to be called “Mr. President,” as an honorarium, just as I must still call her “Mother.” However, Al Gore is no longer obligated to listen to Bill Clinton. Similarly, “Scylla’s” mother no longer gets to tell him what to do. She no longer controls his life, makes decisions or has responsibility for him. While still holding the honorary title “Mother” she is no longer entitled to any of the privilieges or benefits of Mother’s Day as she no longer holds any of the responsibilities.

So resolved.

2

I wouldn’t say that’s how Mother’s Day is generally held to work, but it’s up to you to decide how you personally want to celebrate it or not…

3

Don’t worry, she’ll just sit home alone in the dark.

4

Being a parent isn’t solely about bringing children up. Mothering or Fathering services can still exist when you’re a grown person with a family of your own - it could simply be in having a person you’re happy to confide in and with. Even grandparenting, to an extent, could be called a parenting service since they’re helping you out if you want to go off and do something without your kids for a while. Parenting services may be different when the child is an adult, but that doesn’t mean they’re gone.

Of course, these are possible, but not necessarily actually happening.

5

I can’t tell if you’re joking but I think your mother is correct here.

I thought the idea of Mother’s day was to honor your mother. It isn’t a specific day to reimburse or pay back your mother.

Of course, that doesn’t stop anyone from thinking of it as “Mother Reimbursement Day for Services Rendered the Previous 365 Days” vs “Mother’s Day”.

I think you have a better argument if you contend that it’s unfair because there is no special “Son’s Day” or “Daughter’s Day.” Then you could always retort that “once a son, always a son.”

Anyways, I would think most mother’s would be happy with a phone call or possibly a restaurant outing. Is your mother asking for a new BMW or what?

6

There’s an easier way to dope this out than decide if she is worthy.

You will be a better person for recognizing her, whether she is deserving or not. When you are a better person it will be easier to be a better husband and father and role model.

Now go recognize her for being your mom, even if she hasn’t done a single motherly thing in twenty years.

7

Whether or not it is a racket is beside the point. All you need to do is maintain the racket for future generations, and then you will receive as much in the way of “presents cards and cheer” from your own offspring on Fathers Day as you’ve been obliged to dish out for your own parents. As long as you’re careful to live as long as your own parents that is. And produce offspring (check).

Alternatively, you need a lower maintenance mother. Want to borrow mine?

8

Tried that about 30 year’s ago. The retort is that “every other day but Mother’s Day is Son’s day.”

A card and a phone call.

It’s not really a question of whether it’s a big deal in an of itself. The question is “Is she entitled?”

To make it a little more sticky, let us just hypothetically say that our imaginary fellow “Scylla” was called today by his mother to remind him that Mother’s Day was coming and that a card and a phone call were expected.

Let us also say that unnamed “consequences” were also overtly mentioned. The matter of “rights” as mother was mentioned.
For the sake of fairness let us also say that it is possible that for the first time ever “Scylla” forgot his mother last year, and failed to send her a card, or call her as she was on vacation far away during Mother’s day, and “Scylla” had lots of responsibilites at home attending to people who weren’t frolicking on some beach.

The result of this failure were extreme and dire. “Scylla” received a level 8 Irish guilt trip. The failure has been brought up on a monthly basis.

“Scylla” also received a really really really nice cordless drill from his mother on Christmas, which was given to him “even though he forgot Mother’s day.”

So, Scylla has both been bribed and threatened.

As far as Mother’s go, “Scylla’s” was world class. Scylla was not a very good or very easy child. Scylla was not very easy to love.

9

She always liked Charybdis better.

10

You’ve already skipped one year, so you’re halfway there. The first is always the hardest, but you need to keep at it. If you give in this year, you’ll be giving in every year.

11

Good Lord, it’s your MOTHER. I hope to God you’re joking.

12

Get some Crayons and write that down then and mail it to her.
That’s all you really need dude, it’s your mom. Especially if she was a good one, regardless of if she’s been mothering or not the last 20 years. It’s more like a “You gave me life, and actually gave me a decent life. So here’s a card that can’t possibly pay you back but because you’re a Mom, you’ll take what you get”.

And then if she guilt trips you… :Shrug: what can you do? It’s your Mom.

13

For that alone she deserves the highest honors in perpetuity.

14

I’ll tell my mother that she owes me mothering services rendered when I give her this goddamned footstool I breathed cancerous stripping chemicals for today. I would especially appreciate her ‘keeping a clean house’ function, one day for every slaughtered brain cell, two for every one in the fucking carving details.

15

Just to add to your guilt, some people don’t have mothers to send Mother’s Day cards to, and would probably think Scylla was being vastly ungrateful and taking for granted what he does have. Theoretically, of course. :wink:

16

When I was starting Jr. High, my Mom got herself a big ol’ Scotch on the rocks, sat me down and started in telling me dirty jokes. Good ones, too, knee-slappers. Right about the fifth or sixth one, I didn’t get it, so she explained it to me. Then she’d tell me another based on roughly the same theme. ("…see, sometimes an Aggie and a goat love each other very much…") We continued on this way until I had a rough but serviceable knowledge of who did what to whom, and whyfore.

A few months later, I was stopped in the hall by our squeeky little pissant of an Asst. Prin. He pointed to my copy of Huxley’s *Brave New World *and asked “Does your Mom know you’re reading that book?”

“My Mom *bought *me this book.” He made me go to the office with him while he called her. Boundless, sublime joy.

Oh, the matter at hand. Surrender instantly, and do the “Yes, Dear” dance. This is their planet, we just live here, and as long as we’re cute and useful, they will feed us.

17

And so do I. And I’m just damn glad I don’t have a son like Scylla. Or a husband. Or a father. Or any other relationship.

Aside from the question of obligations toward your mother, you need to set an example for your kids. Show them how to express gratitude to your mother, for still being on speaking terms with her bastard of a son.

18

I cannot help but note that the Google Ad at the bottom of this page, at least as viewed by this particular cheapskate, declares in bold letters:

“CLUSTER BOMB PETITION”

Mayhaps the Google is suggesting you send your maternal unit a subtle hint? :wink:

19

Here’s a solution–simply explain your iron-clad line of reasoning to the mother of your children. Then, when you have to (temporarily, it is to be hoped) stay at your own mother’s house, she will resume at least one of her maternal duties, and the question of whether compensation is owed to her will be moot.

20

You know what would make a great surprise Mother’s Day gift? Lets get ScyllaMom her own Doper status! We’re always talking about what a family board this is, well, heck, let’s take it to the next level! We could hold a bake sale, or something, get her a laptop and a nice T1 connection!

Makes you feel warm all over, don’t it?