A costume drama set in Victorian England. Perpetually competitive brothers, Samuel and John Wellington (played by Ed Begley Jr. and Gilbert Gottfried), have for months vied for the affections of the beautiful, wealthy, and coquettish Lady Smyth (Rebel Wilson). Both brothers plans, however, are complicated by the arrival of a suave and sophisticated new suitor, William Wainwright, (Billy Bob Thornton) who seems to have captured Lady Smyth’s heart. The hand of fate intervenes, though, when a freak hot air ballooning accident ends both Wainwright and Smyth’s lives. The brothers afterwards decide they should put an end to their competitive ways and instead pool their resources and talents together, and so form a successful shoe polish enterprise. A freak accident involving a team of runaway horses and carriage, however, ends both brothers’ lives. The final scene shows their broken bodies lying in the street. And then it begins to rain.
Kevin Hart plays a smooth operator who seems to have lost his game. His usual methods of seduction all fail, and he decides to finally accept advice from his uncles—played by Tracy Morgan, Cedric the Entertainer, and Morgan Freeman—on the best way to win women over. He wears a hidden camera and earpiece so his uncles can watch and comment as he makes the moves on potential lovers. At first, his attempts disrupt into chaos as his uncles argue and he screams back at them, forgetting to conceal their presence. When he does succeed, the uncles remark “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Finally, he’s arrested when one women tells the police he’s stalking her. The arresting officer, played by a formidable Angela Basset, takes him in with extreme prejudice, because she hates players. Hart and his uncles spend the remainder of the movie conferring on ways to melt her icy heart. By the end, he rescues her from a shootout by taking a bullet for her.
A movie widely panned by critics for pandering to pre-adolescent girls, Kaiju Kitties is a big story about really big cats. They’re cute, they’re cuddly, and they destroy buildings and eat people. No one knows how they’ve managed to find their way into our world from a crack in the ocean floor, but eleven-year-old Kido Haru may be the only person who can stop them. Her kitten crazy friends constantly thwart her efforts to get the giant felinesque kaiju under control, but unlike them Kido is more of a dog person and determined to rid the world of the massive “cats.”
Next: The Jazz Magician
Set in the golden era of Jazz, Leroy “Magic Fingers” Fandango is the first man to try to merge the two worlds of jazz and magic. He brings magic to his jazz gigs and jazz to his magic act, but many believe that the two worlds should never be together and so finds resistance from both musicians and magicians along the way. Desperate for work, Leroy finally gets a job at a local bar where he meets the owner’s lovely and innocent daughter Clarice Goodheart. With a world war looming and two different guilds of entertainers at each other’s throats, can Leroy’s magic fingers placate the two groups, win the love of Clarice, and entertain everyone at the bar?
One day while rummaging through the library of his large family estate, Johnny Q, an anthropomorphic bottle of Australian shiraz, finds a treasure map in one of his grandfather’s old books. Beside the crude map, marginalia explain that the map leads to the legendary 100 carat Burmese sapphire known as the ‘Blue Hue’, because its hue was indeed, a shade of blue. It tells that the Blue Hue among the Crown Jewels is a fake, because when bringing it over from Burma, the real one was secretly taken on an alternate route, for safety, while the fake one was publicly flown to England. However, the real stone never made it to the destination as the plane crashed somewhere near Paro, Bhutan. A crew member who parachuted off the plane before it crashed was the lone survivor and he died before he could retrieve it. Together with his girlfriend, Corky, a screwy little anthropomorphic bottle opener, Johnny Q sets off to recover the jewel. Yes, the rich just get richer.
Oceanographer Frank is content to work at his job at a failing sea park in a quiet Florida town. Things get complicated when a tank containing an octopus arrives at the front gate of the park one morning. Things are further complicated when environmentalists, led by the cute and spunky Clementine, picket the park demanding that the octopus be returned to the sea. Sparks fly between Frank and Clementine but things get complicated when the greedy land developer threatens to take over the sea park and turn it into a shopping center. Can the two find love and save the park while contending with a wacky octopus with a mind of his own? Does someone say “Must love octopodes” at least once in the movie? Does the crooked developer get his comeuppance? Does someone get hickeys from a tentacle? You bet!
The Music the Made Us
Picked up for a steal by a domestic distributor and sloppily translated/dubbed, The Music the Made Us is a '70s Italian cheapie unconvincingly set in L.A. about an up-and-coming rock band determined to make it big. The ramshackle story follows Armando, leader of the Fuzzy Things, as he tries to get his band a record deal while catching the eye of the beautiful Sassandra, whom he doesn’t realize is the local mob boss’s sister. Packed wall to wall with gratuitous nudity, poorly lit interiors, stilted dialogue and a character who constantly says, “Hey, man! Forget about it!”, The Music the Made Us would have been justifiably forgotten forever had it not been for Quentin Tarantino, who used a single line of its dialogue in one of his own films.
In 1890’s London, the unmarried Lady Bernadette meets Lydia, a waitress at a local cafe’. The two form a special bond that blossoms into a love affair. To save face in Society, Bernadette agrees to marry Albert, a well-born but socially maladjusted man. They move Lydia into their home under the pretense of her being a maid. Albert loves Bernadette but understands her relationship. When their affair is threatened to be exposed, Albert decides to protect Bernadette from shame by pretending to be involved romantically with Oscar Wilde.
This winner (best lighting) of the 1978 Gaziantep International Student Film Awards, ‘trip the Live Fantastik’ is the documentary of Fatma, a teenage boy in Turkey whose life is spinning out of control, inside the car he is driving that is spinning out of control, in a socio-economic environment spinning out of control, in a planet spinning out of control, in a galaxy spinning out of control.
In this Darren Aronofsky film seven people who vaguely know each other from a podiatrists convention three months previous awaken from a drugged sleep and find themselves in a ghost town just after twilight. After some initial personality clashes they uneasily plan to have breakfast together in the morning, but after their meeting spot is beset by seven hooded and very short strangers a series of unfortunate events involving cattle mutilation, the beheading of a mime, casual cannibalism, a crucifixion, an encasement in a glass coffin and several disturbing sexual encounters, doubt is cast upon their breakfast plan. Come the morrow will anyone be there to cut the bagels?
Long after the extinction of mankind, aliens visit earth and take a sample of dozens of dvds to gain some understanding of what our culture was like. Unfortunately, every single dvd was a Spanish porno. A small subculture grows up among the aliens to dress up and act like humans. A core group of 5 individuals, who call themselves The Hambre, and who are hungry for knowledge, take turns recounting to the others how they imagine our world worked. PG 13 mild themes and language.
Richard Lood is a fashion photographer by day and a creepy voyeur by night. One evening, he decides to follow one of his high fashion models home to secretly photograph her along the way but once she gets to her apartment, he can’t resist trying to get closer for a better shot. Climbing up the fire escape, he see that she opened her window for some air before walking into her bathroom. He sneaks in, hides in her closet and photographs her changing. Thinking he’s hit it big, he tries it again the next night only this time, she is murdered in her apartment by an unknown assailant while he watches. When detective Marianne Scarlett is put on the case, Richard tries to find a way to get her photographic evidence of the killing without implicating himself and winds up in her bedroom closet, photographing her while she changes. Thinking he has to take this to city hall, he stalks deputy mayor Coco Tuxedo and ends up in her bedroom and photographs her as well. while photographing Coco, he hears a familiar voice. It’s Rock Gaines, Coco’s bodyguard and he comes in and the two make love. Realizing that his voice matches that of the model’s killer, he tries to make a run for it but Rock catches him and is about to kill him as well until Detective Scarlett (who put to and two together after seeing all the pictures in Richard’s dark room) rushes into the scene and saves him. Richard and Scarlett embrace and have a long kiss. Final scene is Richard photographing someone from her bedroom closet. Camera pans to Scarlett, who in the middle of changing out of her clothes, stops and smiles at the camera and seductively winks.
Next: The Moist Noise of the Cowboy’s Joist
35 year old local handyman Bobby Maketron has just been cruising through life based purely on his natural good looks, charisma, a little bit of luck, some family connections, good instincts, a lot of hard work, natural talent, self-discipline, careful financial planning, and a dedicated application to higher learning. But his life is turned upside-down when Shanta Atre, a beautiful young handyperson, arrives in town and causes a sensation by applying Buddhist sensibilities to her own handiwork. They start out as rivals but, by paying attention to each other, each learning something important from the other, such as just taking the time to listen to the sounds that a decking project makes to see if it has been well done or done by an absolute cowboy, will they bond and fall in love? It’s anybody’s guess!
Peter, Andrew, James Z., John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James A., Thaddaeus, Simon and Judas grew up as typical kids in ancient times, and back then they had no idea how their adult lives would be changed by following the Son of God. This film is the story of twelve boys and how they would all grow up to be the most famous groupies of all time.
Rebecca seems to have it all: good looks, captain of the cheer squad, captain of the debate team, straight As, and is a member of the student council, but when she meets Josh, the strange quiet kid who just transferred in from out of state, she finds herself strangely attracted to him. The science teacher talks about the one-in-a-million years phenomenon called the Star Scattered Night and she wants to invite him for a ride out into the country to see it but handsome jock Brad humiliates him in the cafeteria. She’s forced to make a decision between her parents’ wishes and her own heart’s desire. Finally, she decides to grab Josh and take him out to the country to watch the stars. As they discuss their future and kiss, the Star Scattered Night reigns flaming meteorites down on her town and school.
Next: Kiera Lee Courtney and the Courtly Curtsey
A Southern Belle cotillion proves an embarrassment to a young teenager girl, as she has no date, her dad is huffing about the cost of the dress, and her mother won’t stop reminiscing about her coming out dance. Kiera Lee’s hopes are restored due to the advice and encouragement of Dame Julie Bee, an old woman who is more concerned about the inside than the outside. Eventually, everything comes together, and Kiera Lee even gets the curtsey right.
Clem and Jake Bob are two local idiots who could usually be found getting into trouble. Whether it’s running over mailboxes in their pick up trucks, trying to weasel free beers at the local saloon or trying to steal tools from construction sites, they are troublemakers through and through. All of that changes when they’re down at the local fishing hole looking to blow up some fish with some dynamite and they meet a scraggly, abandoned mutt with a mind of his own. The two name the dog Dynamite after one of their favorite activities and the dog eventually makes his way into their hearts. Clem and Jake Bob learn a lot about themselves and their town and soon team up to stop the greedy developer from the big city. Afterwards, Clem and Jake Bob’s love blossoms and they kiss while Dynamite winks at the camera.
Next: Hamster Huey II: The Gooier Kablooier
Hamster Huey II: The Gooier Kablooier
This sequel to the beloved animated children’s movie finds Hamster Huey once again entering the Gooey Kablooie, this time to free his owner Kaylie from a new arch-foe, Severina Splat. With new sidekick Mordant Mouse at his side, Hamster Huey crosses the Bridge of Gopher Guts, has an impromptu rap battle with a one-eyed prairie dog and crawls through the bowels of a very large whale before being reunited with his friend and owner, who vows never to go messing around in the Gooey Kablooie again. Voice cast includes Topher Grace as Hamster Huey, Jennifer Lopez as Kaylie and Dame Maggie Smith as Severina Splat.
12 yr old Tiffany and her younger brother Roscoe are increasingly obsessed with the weird goings-on at their mysterious neighbor’s home. They try to make their oblivious parents aware of the late night arrival of strange people (and the fact that they never see anyone leave), the ominous green glowing lights from basement windows, screaching sounds and horrid smell. Finally, the decide to break in to find that the neighbor has been conducting experiments to try to open a portal to an evil universe!
Bound by Law
Hughie Law (Robert Forster) is a cop three days from retirement when a freak accident finds him super-glued at the forehead to mobster-turned-informant Sammy “the Woodpecker” Peccora (Forster again, in a stunning dual role). The detective must now clear his outstanding cases with a foul-mouthed, bad-breathed, constantly complaining gangster attached directly to his cranium. Will Hughie Law make it to retirement?