A long-cherished passion project of an amateur breeder turned writer-producer-director, Stoats at Dawn attempts to do for stoats what Night of the Lepus did for rabbits, namely, turn a pack of small, cuddly, essentially harmless critters into a fearful menace. Starring the aforementioned breeder turned writer-producer-actor as well as reluctant members of his family, the film tells the story of Herman Mustis, a stoat breeder and drifter who finds himself in a small town in the Pacific Northwest just as a pack of mutated stoats has begun terrorizing it by killing several house pets and digging burrows that cause numerous residents to twist their ankles and fall. Noteworthy for the extensive lecture on stoats delivered by the main character that stops the movie dead and includes an actual PowerPoint presentation.
Narrowly missing a Razzie nomination due to release dates, Bruce Willis in his semi-antepenultimate role tries to escape from the toughest starship prison in the galaxy! He repeatedly fails, prompting him into an ever-winding spiral of depression and hallucination which results in him reinventing himself as an R&B singer in the Blue Cheese Room on the Moon. There, lost in eternal delusion, he meets Demi Moore and lives happily ever after.
Little Sally Sunshine feels different and she doesn’t understand why. She’s always been a good student but now classes just don’t seem that important and her parents, who have loved her and cared for her all these years, just “don’t get it” anymore either. At lunchtime, Sally upsets her friends by not wanting to play a joke on the new girl Jenny Cream so they leave Sally at the table all alone. Lucy Skies see all this happen and tells Sally that they can be friends. Sally, Jenny, and Lucy form a new friendship together where they discover their special uniqueness and a forge deep understanding of each other. Something they never thought they had before they started Waking the Rainbow Unicorn. Trouble starts brewing when the teacher Mr. Krudler grows concerned when he hears Jenny’s poem about their friendship and love and gives her a poor grade for not completing the work as assigned, causing the girls to storm out of class. The principal, administrators, and the parents all argue about suspending the girls until Sally gives an impassioned plea to let them be friends together and they’re not hurting anyone. Everyone, slowly at first, start to applaud and the three girls run up and give each other hugs.
The Lady or the Tiger II: Tiger Time
Made nearly 30 years after the iconic original, Tiger Time has only the thinnest of connections with its source material. Having chosen the lady at the conclusion of the first film, the still-unnamed protagonist, now a widower (the actress playing his wife having refused to return for the sequel), raises an invading force to topple the despotic ruler who for unchallenged decades has alternately fed innocent people to tigers or married beautiful ladies to unrepentant sociopaths. Riding an unconvincingly rendered CGI tiger, he storms the palace and forces the king to make his own choice, not realizing there is actually a bloodthirsty tiger behind both doors …
Andy Warhol’s Lunch
Three hours of a lunch bag sitting on a park bench. As time passes, the light changes, a bird pecks it, a wino knocks it over without realizing it and SPOILER: it is finally thrown away by a random passerby. Don’t forget to look for the director’s cut with an extra thirty-seven hours of footage, bloopers and commentary by sleeping audiences just like you.
Next: Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups vs. Satan’s Death Robots
Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups vs. Satan’s Death Robots
The Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups phenomena finally makes it to the big screen. Ask any child under 12 about Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups and he or she will gladly tell you about all the Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups playing cards, comic books, TV shows, and video games in this franchise. They will then tell you about all the different Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups characters, their protoforms, evolution forms, and if they’re Red or Blue and how many Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups they actually have. No adult actually understands Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups but that doesn’t matter because Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cups are now on the big screen and fighting Satan’s Death Robots. Pay close attention to find the newest Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cup and you might be one of the greatest Militant Middle-Aged Semi-Sentient Peanut Butter Cup Keepers!
In this direct-to-video Coco Tuxedo sequel, Coco accidentally finds herself running for mayor Venice after she misread a brochure. Campaigning turns into a bore for a woman who really wishes she’d gone to PoundTown instead. Luckily, a rock thrown through her window with a threatening note wrapped around it soon livens things up for Coco.
Everyone thought that the threat of the Kaiju Kitties was over. People returned to their lives and now thirteen-year-old Kido Haru spends her free time volunteering at the local dog shelter. Things turn bad for the city when the Kaiju Kitties return, destroying buildings and infrastructure with their destructively cute paw swipes and adorably disgusting hairballs. Scientist Yuri Yoshi thinks he can save the city by hanging a giant ball of string on a helicopter and luring the giant monsters away. But little did they know that they just might need these kaiju cuties to defend the city from the incoming giant mice, crickets, and sparrows.
This sequel to Oliver Twist follows the adventures of Joe Blow. Young Joe was always the favored boy in the orphanage. While Oliver was excoriated for asking for more gruel, Mr. Bumble willingly - even joyfully - made sure young Joe Blow’s bowl of gruel was always full.
When Joe grew older, the board of gentlemen who oversaw the orphanage picked Joe to replace the elderly Mr. Bumble. Would Joe recall the kindness shown him and make sure the orphans in his charge always had plenty to eat, or would he cruelly show favoritism like Bumble?
“Westworld/Futureworld” rip-off about a courteous theme park set in The Great White North, where the robots go berserk all at once. 2500 automatons spouting, “Good day, eh!” in unison is the highlight of this dreck, which does feature a cameo by the MacKenzie Brothers – Jim and Geoff from Golden, British Columbia. What? Oh, take off!
In this slapstick sequel to The King’s Speech, therapist Lionel Logue instructs and befriends Count Reganiov of Baldavia who was born with two tongues. Along the way Logue finds love, then loses it, and then gets it back again, only to lose it, but to regain it finally until she bites his head off in the finale.
Billed as a “futuristic romcom set in the recent past”, Deidre Beaubeidra reprises her role as a dour IRS auditor who searches for love in online newspaper want ads. After meeting with a stressed-out Evelyn Wang, Deidre discovers herself shifting through different possible lives she may or may not be experiencing all at once. In a scene submitted to The Motion Picture Academy for possible Oscar snubbing, Deidre crosses paths with Billy Pilgrim, who is undergoing a similar shift; they literally bump into other while hopping from one reality to the next, and develop an instant attraction.
In this historical-adventure-romance, a superstitious mob becomes alarmed by Sir Edmund Halley’s ability to predict eclipses, and seeks to burn him as a witch. His patron, King Charles II, dispatches the Royal Guard to protect him, and James, the handsome Captain of the Guard encounters a former love, Priscilla, now part of the mob. Sparks fly as James tries to convince Priscilla to use her influence to break up the mob before bloodshed occurs.
While Bill and Kumar are being held hostage at White Castle, their brahs go into the catering business to rustle up the ransom. Their first gig is a lavish wedding with an incredible spread that nets them the entire amount of the payoff. The kidnappers release B & K and are immediately dispatched by Death, who snares the money and high-tails it. The four heroes ponder the senselessness of all the fuss over a $93.00 ransom while waiting for someone to write them a decent movie to be in. George Carlin makes an appearance as Tony Stark, for some reason.
Based on the French film Ma Tante Titillante, Joey is rushed off to his free-spirited Aunt Hilda’s house when his father has health troubles. At first, Joey has trouble adjusting to having his summer wasted with his wierdo relative but with some gentle persistence and a warm smile, he begins to warm up to her as he sees that Hilda’s goofy, carefree approach to life is guided by a kind and warm heart beneath her loving bosom. The young teen learns a lot about love during his stay and even grows the courage to ask the local cute girl out for ice cream. You will love the cross-dressing dancing scene set to “The Shoop Shoop Song” but don’t let the controversy about the kiss shared between Hilda and Joey discourage you from seeing this gem - it’s mostly a sweet and innocent exchange between a young teen blossoming into adulthood and a fit, 40-year-old woman in a summer dress who might have just smoked a joint.
Henry was a wunderkind, hired by Twitter to diss trolls who made complete asses of themselves in comments. But as time goes on, he finds himself making enemies in ways that bleed over into real life. When he ends up being swatted by one of the asses, he has to decide if he’s going to walk away, or double down. But at what cost?
Billionaire philanthropist Thomas Jeckel (Will Smith) wakes up one night in an alley covered in the blood of a homeless person lying at his feet, and can’t remember how he got this way, or if he even committed the murder at all. Panicked, he covers up the crime and returns in a fresh set of clothes to his expensive New York City residence, but the next evening, he awakens to find himself at someone’s home, having killed them as well.
Meanwhile, Jeckel’s girlfriend of six years, FBI agent Mackayla Seek (Sandra Bullock) is tasked with solving these murders. Can she find the killer, and when she does, will she be able to put aside her feelings and bring Jeckel to justice?
(It turns out Jeckel has a split personality, of course. It Was His Sled.)
Hackneyed character study of a Vietnam-era jet pilot who enjoyed napalming missions just a little too much. Gen Z script gets everything wrong, starting with, “Carpet bombing.” Possible cult following or Rifftrax treatment might save it from oblivion.
Santa’s sleigh gets caught in the traffic jam of World War I biplanes attacking Kong atop the Empire State Building. Instead of smacking down the sleigh, the beast manages to gently catch it. Santa gives Kong all his candy canes, Kong climbs down the building and the children of New York are delighted by a giant gorilla handing out presents.
College girl Sally was heading home for the holidays and agreed to catch a ride with her best friend Vicki Vale’s boyfriend, Batman. She thought the Batmobile was sexy but found Batman moody and a bit withdrawn. They went their separate ways and connected years later at Robin’s birthday, sparking a friendship that lasted for the next decade. It wasn’t until the Joker’s New Years party that Batman realized that he was crazy for Sally and professed his love to her as the ball dropped and released a poison gas killing everyone at the party.