The naked women who are out to get me fired...

I’m actually shaking so much that this will probably not be a very good pit rant at all, but the horror of what just happened must be shared. I was sitting at my desk this afternoon, happily compiling information from the pages of useless work facts to the open excel spreadsheet in front of me. Yes, I had a few programs up, word, work email, and ‘The Straight Dope Message Board’ at the bottom of the screen. Yes, it is my guilty pleasure to do a bit of work and then read a bit of the fun, and the interesting that is this message board. I had become so focused in the paper before me that it took several ‘Heather’s to break through the fog in my brain.

It finally donned on me that a nice older male co-worker had arrived to chat, share work tidbits, or heck maybe even give me food, how was I to know? With a smile I turned to greet my co-worker, my eyes traveling over my desk: seeing the empty water glass, seeing the dust on my keyboard, seeing the excel spreadsheet open, seeing the blinking, flashing porn that had inserted itself in the middle of my screen.

Yes, that’s right. At work, on the center of my work computer.

NAKED WOMEN, sticking their breasts at me, opening their legs for me, and trying to draw my attention to a phone number.

With blinky lights surrounding them.

With a co-worker staring at it.

With a co-worker who HAD thought I was a sweet, innocent young woman, who now probably thinks I can’t get enough at home and am looking for this at work.

My heart stopped, my breath constricted and I clicked on the excel spreadsheet to hide that horrible, horrible thing. After ten minutes of the usual banter, he finally left and I deleted it as soon as I could stop the shaking.

Now, I KNOW the Straight Dope is not sending me this. I know that the Straight Dope doesn’t even HAVE pop up ads. Something is making this happen, and that something is evil.

And that something has crossed the line; it is now messing with my livelihood.

I don’t know about you, but even though I’m a young female who has never visited a porn site, my hotmail box is overflowing with porn Spam. I admit that, at home, I once visited an internet sex toy shop, and after that I did notice my hotmail account getting a lot of Spam for a balding older man needing a penis enlargement who likes women who like horses in the wrong way. I’ve accepted that my email was contaminated, but other than emptying the junk folder I didn’t pay them much attention. You see, I’m easygoing. I can put up with useless Spam (not even suited to my age/gender so they’re not even doing good research for this Spam), but this has crossed the line.

The problem is that I WLL PROBABLY GET FIRED FOR LOOKING AT THIS AT WORK. They won’t care that it’s a pop-up add, that I wasn’t at any naughty sites and that I have no idea why this is happening. The Porn has gone too far.

My questions for the ever wise people here…

  1. How can something pop-up while I’m stagnant at Straight Dope?
  2. How would something like this get on my computer?
  3. Has this happened to anyone else? I’m used to pop up ads when I change pages, but never just appearing out of thin air.
  4. Is this legal?
  5. How may I discover who’s sending this to me so I may hunt them down and pound my ‘letter opener of death’ into their sweaty, losery foreheads?
  6. Could they have put a program on my computer that does this? I ask because this started after I accepted a ‘You received an e-card’ in my hotmail in box. I noticed it installed something when I clicked on it (it said it was for my e-card), but no e-card arrived. I assumed it was because I had clicked wrong and the site was busy.

I want these people who are jeopardizing my livelihood to suffer. I want humiliation. I want embarrassment.

I want them to feel the shame I felt when I realized my co-worker thinks I look at porn at work. :frowning:

(I apologize for the poor grammar and spelling, and please move this if it should be somewhere else.)

Sometimes I feel very lucky where I work, my boss and I compair and contrast the kind of obnixious spam we get. We have a running contest to see who gets the most penis enlargment messages a day.

It’s sad that this happens, it is not only just taking up bandwith but also putting people at risk at thier job if they just check their mail.

If anyone calls you on this I’m sure anyone from IT will probally say it was just a pop up add that you had not solicited.

I had something similar to that happen to me once, and I actually started crying after it all happened. I don’t even remember what specifically I was looking for, via google, but it was work-related. I clicked on a link, got distracted somehow and had to leave my office, then returned a little while later with my boss right behind me to show her something else. We walked in the office, and BAM, right front and center of my screen was a porn popup. My boss was not the most computer literate human, didn’t use the internet much, and was appalled. I explained, other people explained, but it still showed up on my performance review months later as “questionable use of company computers”. Goddamnitall. That’s been two years, I no longer work there even, but it still upsets me.

Thanks for the reply. :slight_smile:

I’ve called IT and have had a bit of help. I always live by this motto: ‘Kiss up to IS’, so they were nice about the whole thing. They ran a virus scan, and restarted my computer, but we don’t know what is doing this. I think it is the e-card, and have shown it to them, but besides giving me a lecture about not downloading programs from e-cards from unknown senders, they weren’t much help. I tried to explain that it said ‘yahoo.greetings’ as the sender, so I thought it safe, but that argument didn’t work as the ‘Unknown Recipients’ in the ‘To’ box should have been a tip that something wasn’t right (as well as the fact that there was no e-card). My other argument was that THEY download it to their computer and see where the download goes, but they just laughed that.

The main advice I’ve been given is to not log onto the Internet and therefore no pop-ups at odd times…but that’s like asking a rabbit to stop trying to dig through the carpet… :frowning:

I feel better now that I’ve tried to fix the problem, and vented here a bit. :slight_smile:


Oh, well! I composed this amazingly astute reply, the hamsters ate it, and by the time I re-typed the thing, you had solved the problem.

Glad you got out of the deal without much damage, and good luck in the future. :slight_smile:

What’s worse is when the boss comes in and there are actually two naked women sitting on your desk.

Trust me, IT can’t get you out of that one.

Smashed Ice Cream,
Yikes, not fun to go through. If it helps, I believe you were innocent.

I’m right now trying to think of a good way to explain this to the co-worker. Maybe just letting it die…though he knows I know he saw it before I could hide it.

Oh yes, and I’m also thinking of starting a vigilante group to take out the companies promoting pop-up porn. closes her eyes and sinks into day dreams

FWIW, I’d explain it to him, if you’re certain he saw it. An explanation could stop some gossip from getting started.

Thank you for the effort. :slight_smile:

Though in truth, the pop-up problem may reoccur, we are not sure. I feel better because I’ve complained of course. The anti-virus didn’t actually find any viruses, and they don’t know what is causing this. BUT, I do now have IS on my side and will watch the Internet more closely for this sort of thing, I won’t leave it minimized and unnattended anymore.

Well, that situation of course depends on what type of boss you have, but I hope it umm…worked out well for all involved. blinks

I’m sorry, I know this will come off as uber bitchy ,and I don’t mean for it to but…

WHY, oh WHY for the love of CHEESE do people open junk mail at work? Why? Open that stuff at HOME where you don’t have to worry about what it is. What if that e-card was a virus and you infected the company network? Don’t think it doesn’t happen because it does. Use common sense. Work computers are for work. End of story.

As to the porn, I would have your IT department install and run Ad-aware. It sounds like you have Gator or some spyware installed on there. By the way, if that’s the case, there’s a good chance they’ll pop up whether you have your browser open or not. (If you have a constant connection to the 'net)

I’m sorry to come off as less then sympathetic, and I really do feel for the embarassment you suffered. But having cleaned up 10,000 viruses off company networks and 10,000 instances of Comet Cursor, Gator, and other spyware programs from users that didn’t know any better, I just can’t help thinking “DAMN, do people really still open attachments/e-cards/jokes/junkmail at work?”

$100 says if you run Ad-aware on that machine, you’ll find boatloads of spyware, which is where the popups are likely originating. Is there any filesharing software on the computer? Limewire, kazza, morpheus? Some of those programs install spyware onto your machine and run when you start-up.


Can Gator and/or Bonzi Buddy cause this sort of thing?

Lady of the Lake, I had this problem with one of the computers I am nominally in charge of at my work. NOONE would be using the computer, then suddenly it would start up Explorer and go to some porn site. Needless to say, this was the computer that sits in front of the boss’s office. Fourtunately, she’s cool.

I’m not terribly computer savvy, but when I looked around at the computer I found four different spyware programs (Comet Cursor, Gator, SVA, and something else I can’t remember) had been installed/installed themselves. I uninstalled them all, deleted all of their files, and had a friend talk me through a registry edit on the one that wouldn’t go away. This made the problem stop. Spyware programs aren’t viruses (although they can piss you off just as much), so virus scans won’t show them up. Can you get IT to help you look for this type of program?

Alternately, and I’m sure that many computer savvy people will come in here and tell you this: INSTALL Zonealert (Zonealarm?). This program regulates what other programs on your computer are allowed to have access to the web. Also, AdAware can help with pop-ups. Both of these programs are free, just do a Google.

Hope this helps,


And I see some computer-savvy person has just come in while I was typing.




One day last year when I was working at a Catholic hospital, I was reading my personal email because things had gotten slow. I opened up an email which I thought was legit, and got the same type of crap mentioned in the OP. I deleted it pretty quickly, and then turned around and found that SISTER BARBARA had been standing there the entire time. :eek: Luckily, she had a sense of humor.

So what you’re saying is that you don’t have any advice for me on how to stop my rabbit from diffing through the carpet? Cause it’s really becoming a problem.


I know what you’re saying, but that only works when one’s company is savvy enough to filter out all the SPAM from their work e-mail servers. When one gets junk mail (and pROn, and penis enlargement requests, etc, etc) in one’s work e-mail, then it makes the issue a little cloudier.

I know that’s not the problem the OP described… but unfortunately, I work at such a company. Their e-mail filters are deficient in many ways, and so most of us get more junk mail than we get work-related, and sometimes it just has to be weeded through to figure out which is which. Luckily we all know about it, and most of us are pretty light-hearted about it. We also compare notes on the pROn we receive on a daily basis.

My point is that, however frustrating SPAM and junk mail are to IT workers, it’s not always the fault of employees that they’re looking at it at work. That said, I understand that the strategies of risk containment and minimizing exposure are important… just that they’re not always sufficient to do the job. shrugs

That just happened to me! Luckily I was at home. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE NAKED WOMEN!

Jeez, all I get are offers to refinance my house or lose weight. Even Nobutu Mkembe has only contacted me twice about helping him smuggle $10 million out of the country.

I remember during the 2000 election I was surfing the net looking for websites on Presidential debates, primarly those interested in getting the third party candidates included. I clicked on one, and immediately it went to a full screen “spread squat” with details on some porn star’s labial surgery.

I immediately got out, and told my boss that a website I visited at lunch was not what I thought it was, in case someone from IT questioned why I was viewing porn at work.

Ditto the others. NEVER NEVER NEVER open an attachment unless you know the sender, and even then, if it’s something you’re not sure about, delete it.

Are you kidding? This guy is probably off somewhere composing a letter to Penthouse forum based on the fantasy he came up with when the Porno popped up on your screen:

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought this would happen to me. I was at work talking to my hot co-worker Lisa*, when suddenly she decided to get my attention by opening a file on her computer that showed me just how she wanted it. I knew there was something between us, but I’d always been too shy to make the first move. She casually mentioned how she’d been wanting to do something like what we were seeing on the screen. Next thing I knew we were both naked and making it like crazed weasels right on her desk. Spreadsheets were flying, bits and bytes were getting knocked around everywhere. Just when I thought I was about to reach the point of no-return our boss Janice walked in with Brenda from accounting. Janice is a hot blonde and Brenda is a sexy Puerto Rican girl who always wears skirts that are a little too short. I was sure we’d both be fired, but Janice and Brenda just took a look at us and a look at Lisa’s computer and started to unbutton their blouses. I couldn’t take my eyes off them as they gently massaged each other’s heaving breasts…

Well, you get the picture. Make sure you print this off and leave it on his desk so he’ll know what you really want from him.

Note: this is an attempt at humor, maybe a poor one. I’m sure the guy has not turned you into a Fantasy. Probably.

*Lisa is a standard PF name from my use. My apologies to all Lisas out there.