Enough with the sexy talk, people.
Spoilsport!
I wish.
I think “love” and “cherish” must mean something different for me than for you (and the secret poster I was responding to). To me, these concepts inherently involve something expected to last for a while at least.
Probably. But I don’t subject love and cherish to a time frame. I’ll take it anytime from anywhere, and be happy and thrilled while it lasts.
See, to me what you said isn’t false, it’s actual nonsense. (“To me.” I’m just telling you something about my language here.) To me something not subjected to a certain (albeit context-sensitive) minimal time frame is by definition not an act of “cherishing” and also not an act of “love” in the sense of “love” that’s usually associated with “cherishing.”
So I don’t know which of us is using the words in their standard sense (or which the OP is using them in) but I now know I have to be on the lookout for the possibility that I’ve been doing it wrong.
Yep, having sex with someone who is interested in making me feel really, really good makes me feel loved and cherished. If you want to get a sciencey, the rush of endorphins during and after sex gives me warm, happy, content feelings, too.
Since it was such a positive experience for her, my guess is that her lovers were attentive and interested in making her feel wanted and satisfied. Ergo: cherished.
Okay maybe I can understand the claim this way.
I had a four way, and I felt like they cared for me as a person, and I had the sense that, even though it was not necessarily more than a “one time thing,” nevertheless the memory of it would be treasured by all participants, not just because it was good sex, but because we cared for each other as inherently valuable human beings.
Something like that?
Again: I’m trying to remark on the distinction between feeling cherished and being cherished. I don’t doubt you would feel cherished. The question is, would the feeling reflect the reality accurately?
See above, I think we’re using “cherish” to mean different things. To me, to be cherished involves, by definition, at the very least, being remembered and returned to at least occasionally if possible. There’s an inherent stroke of wished-for permanence in the concept, for me.
I looked up the word cherish. Here is the definition:
here’s love. I just kept the first five definitions.
Nothing in there about time. Now that doesn’t mean you can’t define loving and cherishing as a function of time, we are different people, but I don’t. And I certainly don’t think your way is nonsense, but it seems a little sad to me that the only love and cherishing that is true in your eyes is one that has withstood the test of time. I think those might be the best loves, but that doesn’t make the other ones bad.
Gotta go with Frylock on this one. The words “love” and “cherish”, to me, are terms that relate to relationships, which is something developed over the long term, not to the rush and high of sex with comparative strangers - however decent and caring they may be, however great the sex, and however nice it makes me feel at the moment.
Nothing “sad” about it - it is just a dispute over terminology.
Bwah?
How do you “keep in mind” something, for just an instant?
How do you “hold dear,” for just an instant?
Both definitions are fully imbued with temporal import.
What I’m suggesting is that the secret poster was desired and appreciated, but that this is different from being loved and cherished.
I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one. I can’t explain my feelings fully and neither can you. I fully feel I was loved and cherished, even though we were together only a handful of days.
And really, what difference does it make? She felt loved and cherished, so do I. Why do people feel it’s so important for us to feel otherwise?
Agreed–though terminological disputes can often help people make conceptual distinctions that are useful and that they didn’t make previously. So it’s not necessarily trivial.
WAG: maybe she’s been used and objectified by lovers in the past and this experience was profoundly more validating and rewarding by contrast. And she couldn’t describe the warm, fuzzy feelings as love but needed a strong word to express how gratifying the whole experience was.
I’m sold. Sure could use a good cherishing right now. Sign me up!
That’s a good question. One part of my response is to reiterate that I’m not talking about how people felt, but rather, about what the actual situation was. Secret poster said she felt cherished. I was saying “okay, but were you actually cherished?” I assume this is an interesting question for anyone seeking the feeling of being cherished, since I assume we want our emotions to accurately reflect our situations.
I thought I had another part of this response, but it ended up getting wrapped into the first part.
Sounds very plausible. I’m just being a fuddy duddy.
I’m trying to think about it too. I mean, don’t get me wrong. The way I felt with that lover of a few days is vastly, vastly different than the way I feel with my partner of seventeen years.
That young man was my second lover, ever. I remember being really surprised at how wonderful he was outside of bed, and how kind and sweet and loving. Was it eternal love? Good gods no. Did he value my input and want me to be happy and really want me to enjoy myself? Absolutely! Not only that but but my happiness, at least during those days, was paramount. And I guess that’s what I mean by loved and cherished - whether or not I was happy was really important to him, and he made it evident in his actions and deeds.
Now my partner does the same but he and I have been together for many years and as you say, have stood the test of time. And it’s a different kind of love and cherishment. But I don’t forget that young man, and he actually stands out in my head pretty strongly compared to other past lovers.
Maybe all 3 lovers made an effort to make her first experience with swinging to be as rewarding as possible. We can keep spinning this until it sounds like the sweetest, most selfless act imaginable but I don’t want to milk it, ya know? The fact remains that she was dog piled by a scrum of nekkid people, yet she walked away feeling warm and happy instead of weird and slightly ashamed. Good for her! I think her take on the experience is fascinating and would like to hear more. About her feelings, that is. Don’t need details about who put what where.